My non-Buddhist time; or, the household life.

[alan]

Recovering from a long fight from Thailand I spent some time with my sister and her kids. No time for meditation, but a lot of time spent dealing with petty squabbles of a household nature. What a drag! I have come out of it with a new respect for those who continue to practice in the midst of the family life. But now that I'm back again in a quiet place, I'm going to commit to sitting again. Happy to find Analayo's book has arrived. What a wonder!
Thanks to everyone who recommended this book. What a pleasure it is to be back studying Dhamma!
--Alan

[tiltbillings]

Recovering from a long fight from Thailand I spent some time with my sister and her kids. No time for meditation, but a lot of time spent dealing with petty squabbles of a household nature. What a drag! I have come out of it with a new respect for those who continue to practice in the midst of the family life. But now that I'm back again in a quiet place, I'm going to commit to sitting again. Happy to find Analayo's book has arrived. What a wonder!
Thanks to everyone who recommended this book. What a pleasure it is to be back studying Dhamma!
--Alan

Of course spending time with your sister is Buddhist time, unless you were sitting swilling beer or toking doobies. A great of practice goes on in the full catastrophe of daily life.

[alan]

We were not smoking doobies, although that would have been fun, and appropriate for a former time. We were trying to have adult discussions when the kids came in with their "I want this, I don't want that" stuff. And then Mrs. SuperMom had to go and deal with the nonsense.
Try having a talk with her when the kid cries. It won't happen. That Is why I had a non-Buddhist week.

[Fede]

Daily life IS practice, no matter what.... You say,

.... I have come out of it with a new respect for those who continue to practice in the midst of the family life. But now that I'm back again in a quiet place, I'm going to commit to sitting again.

If others can do it, why can't you?
Will you always need 'a quiet place'.... Do you think it impossible for you to be Mindful and Skilful in such situations?
Forgive me for saying, but it sounds like you 'pick and choose' your moments. The normal daily life within that home, where children are a priority to their mother, does not cease to exist simply because you are there. The children were not the intruders. you were. As such, being outside the norm, you need to make allowances for their routine, rather than find fault in your environment, ambience and atmosphere. It wasn't the situation that was out of kilter and non-conducive to practice.
it was you......
do you see...?

[tiltbillings]

We were not smoking doobies, although that would have been fun, and appropriate for a former time. We were trying to have adult discussions when the kids came in with their "I want this, I don't want that" stuff. And then Mrs. SuperMom had to go and deal with the nonsense.
Try having a talk with her when the kid cries. It won't happen. That Is why I had a non-Buddhist week.

I have two grand kid 2 & 4, whiuch I get to babysit two three times a week. They are little organic "self" machines, demanding, wanting, refusing. The nonsense is the same stuff you and I and everyone had to go through. It is good practice to to deal with and to observe, but then that is my opinion which no one else has to share.

[Ben]

Welcome to life as I've known it, Alan!
It can be done - finding time for sit-down meditation in the midst of young family life.
And in many ways, praciticing despite the daily challenges of family life is incredibly rewarding. Actually, 'rewarding' is the not quite the right word but I think you'll understand.
kind regards

Ben

[alan]

For some reasons or another I get stressed out when kids start squabbling. It just seems like noise, and I hate noise. Maybe you are all right, I should just put up with the nonsense, but it really irritates. How do you deal with it? My brain just has it's limits. Need Quiet. Anything else frazzles me.

[tiltbillings]

For some reasons or another I get stressed out when kids start squabbling. It just seems like noise, and I hate noise. Maybe you are all right, I should just put up with the nonsense, but it really irritates. How do you deal with it? My brain just has it's limits. Need Quiet. Anything else frazzles me.

It is like pain or being sick. We do what can to avoid it, but there may come a time when we have pain or are sick (or both) and it just is never going to go away. We must learn to be open to it now when we are not overwhelmed by it all. When the kids are loud, annoying demanding, be aware, to whatever degree you can, of the this prickly, pointy feelings. They are not kill you; they are dukkha and the rise and they go away, but as much as you can try to just allow the feelings to be without buying into them. Sitting practice helps with that and that can help sitting practice. It is all just practice. Some of it is easier than other bits of it, but all of it should lead to awareness.

[zavk]

To be honest, my meditation practice has slipped in recent months. Have been rather caught up with the ups and downs of household life. But at the same time, I can honestly say that I've learned much from all these ups and downs--in fact, I would say that they have strengthened my confidence in the Dhammae. Would probably have not learnt so much from my experience without a certain momentum in general mindfulness/awareness though.

All the best to you, Alan.

[alan]

OK I'll do my best. It's true my practice is not where it should be; it is also true that flying through 12 time zones in two days makes for a grumpy Alan.
Still, I needs me some peace. Guess I'm not cut out to be a family man.

[bodom]

Still, I needs me some peace. Guess I'm not cut out to be a family man.

This is why the Buddha has stated:

Household life is crowded, a realm of dust, while going forth is the open air." Snp 3.1

Regardless if we are ordained or lay, it is of upmost importance that we make our best effort to practice wherever we are.

[Annapurna]

Recovering from a long fight from Thailand I spent some time with my sister and her kids. No time for meditation, but a lot of time spent dealing with petty squabbles of a household nature. What a drag! I have come out of it with a new respect for those who continue to practice in the midst of the family life. But now that I'm back again in a quiet place, I'm going to commit to sitting again. Happy to find Analayo's book has arrived. What a wonder!
Thanks to everyone who recommended this book. What a pleasure it is to be back studying Dhamma!
--Alan

Of course spending time with your sister is Buddhist time, unless you were sitting swilling beer or toking doobies. A great of practice goes on in the full catastrophe of daily life.

[Annapurna]

OK I'll do my best. It's true my practice is not where it should be; it is also true that flying through 12 time zones in two days makes for a grumpy Alan.
Still, I needs me some peace. Guess I'm not cut out to be a family man.

Alan,

If they were your own children you would probably experience them a bit differently too.

Sure, they would still train you to become selfless.

Sure, a kid would wake you up when ill, seeking and finding comfort in you, but you would sit by its bed, wiping the sweat off that little hot forehead, overwhelmed with love and fear, caring for that little bastard, that was such a brat only yesterday, and is so helpless now.
The breath is irregular and you hold yours to make sure how serious this is....

This is what parents become, the good ones: self-less, totally devoted to those they have the honor to guide into life, equipped with all it takes to survive, because "baby, baby, it's a wild world,....and I'll always remember you like a child, girl...."

And perhaps one day, an old trembling man can't find his glasses. But his daughter will read the letter he got today to him, and will watch his irregular breath with a slight concern....suddenly grabbing his hand, and squeezing it with a quick smile.

Dhamma can be practised everywhere.

But I agree, enough sleep and rest will increases one's patience, at least mine.

But who said I am enlightened.

Best wishes,

Anna

Who LOVES quiet !!

[Mukunda]

I seem to have missed the sutta in which the Buddha described the best place for meditation was in the midst of a noisy household. When I go on retreats, it can take me several days to re-acclimate to the normal levels of noise and activity in everyday life. Which leads me to believe that instead of reacting to them with equanimity (as I am fond of telling myself), I am actually desensitized and/or ignoring them most of the time, neither of which I believe conducive to effective practice. Now, all of my time is "Buddhist time" now-a-days, but let's get real, some practices are difficult if not downright impossible while in the middle of daily householder life.

[Dan74]

The teachings I have received is that whether it is a the hustle and bustle of lay life or at a temple, it's about the mind. Anchoring ourselves in the breath and watching the mind as it is blown about by the worldly winds rather than the winds themselves, we develop some equanimity and insight. Seeing the unmoved, the unborn in the midst of it all, we are liberated.

When able to go on a retreat, go on a retreat. When not able, setting up this as better than that, creates more inner conflict and delusion. Putting all dualism aside, everything is a teaching, everywhere you are is a temple. The difference is surely in the mind only.