should I marry or be single?

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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salayatananirodha
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by salayatananirodha »

don't get married or be single
16. 'In what has the world originated?' — so said the Yakkha Hemavata, — 'with what is the world intimate? by what is the world afflicted, after having grasped at what?' (167)

17. 'In six the world has originated, O Hemavata,' — so said Bhagavat, — 'with six it is intimate, by six the world is afflicted, after having grasped at six.' (168)

- Hemavatasutta


links:
https://www.ancient-buddhist-texts.net/index.htm
http://thaiforestwisdom.org/canonical-texts/
http://seeingthroughthenet.net/wp-conte ... _Heart.pdf
https://www.dhammatalks.org/index.html

denise
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by denise »

hello...are you of age and correct situation to consider these things and which aspects of marriage, if you could have it, would be the difficult for you to manage? what things do you expect for yourself in marriage....what do you expect from your partner? food for thought.... :thinking:

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confusedlayman
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman »

denise wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:47 pm
hello...are you of age and correct situation to consider these things and which aspects of marriage, if you could have it, would be the difficult for you to manage? what things do you expect for yourself in marriage....what do you expect from your partner? food for thought.... :thinking:
I expect cuddle and kisses and a wee baby... but wait if I also scared about seeing her age, seeing her feel sick, seeing her die, seeing her scold , seeing her fight, seeing divorce, seeing that I need to earn for full family...
Find a tree and practice jhana or dont regret later- Buddha
Something exist, dont exist, both exist and non exist, neither exist nor dont exist .. all these four possibilities are wrong- Nagarjuna
Find a dhamma companion or roam alone like rhinoceros in the wild- Buddha
If you are not happy even after following 8NP then you are doing it wrong- CL (confused layman)

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confusedlayman
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman »

confusedlayman wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 12:16 am
denise wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 7:47 pm
hello...are you of age and correct situation to consider these things and which aspects of marriage, if you could have it, would be the difficult for you to manage? what things do you expect for yourself in marriage....what do you expect from your partner? food for thought.... :thinking:
I expect cuddle and kisses and a wee baby... but wait if I also scared about seeing her age, seeing her feel sick, seeing her die, seeing her scold , seeing her fight, seeing divorce, seeing that I need to earn for full family...
cuddle and those stuffs are not important as I dont think I can have xx
Find a tree and practice jhana or dont regret later- Buddha
Something exist, dont exist, both exist and non exist, neither exist nor dont exist .. all these four possibilities are wrong- Nagarjuna
Find a dhamma companion or roam alone like rhinoceros in the wild- Buddha
If you are not happy even after following 8NP then you are doing it wrong- CL (confused layman)

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confusedlayman
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman »

salayatananirodha wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 6:31 pm
don't get married or be single
u mean I need to be in secret relation so not single and no married?
Find a tree and practice jhana or dont regret later- Buddha
Something exist, dont exist, both exist and non exist, neither exist nor dont exist .. all these four possibilities are wrong- Nagarjuna
Find a dhamma companion or roam alone like rhinoceros in the wild- Buddha
If you are not happy even after following 8NP then you are doing it wrong- CL (confused layman)

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salayatananirodha
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by salayatananirodha »

confusedlayman wrote:
Thu Oct 10, 2019 12:17 am
salayatananirodha wrote:
Wed Oct 09, 2019 6:31 pm
don't get married or be single
u mean I need to be in secret relation so not single and no married?
no
16. 'In what has the world originated?' — so said the Yakkha Hemavata, — 'with what is the world intimate? by what is the world afflicted, after having grasped at what?' (167)

17. 'In six the world has originated, O Hemavata,' — so said Bhagavat, — 'with six it is intimate, by six the world is afflicted, after having grasped at six.' (168)

- Hemavatasutta


links:
https://www.ancient-buddhist-texts.net/index.htm
http://thaiforestwisdom.org/canonical-texts/
http://seeingthroughthenet.net/wp-conte ... _Heart.pdf
https://www.dhammatalks.org/index.html

Cortadew
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Cortadew »

Observe wisely if you can get used to the recluse life, enjoying singledness.

bryozoa
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by bryozoa »

Most average western white males don't have any choice but to remain single. Young western females are becoming increasingly fussy, conditioned by the decadent media to be attracted to prideful, arrogant and violent males. The majority of females also have a host of potential suitors vying for their attention and they can just sit back (or lay back) and wait for the most aggressive man with the most resources at his disposal to approach them. Men on the other hand have very limited options especially if they have low income and an average physical appearance. Women condemn us men to remain single but worse treat us with suspicion and scorn and manipulate their alpha male bulls into bullying and harassing us at every opportunity.

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SDC
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by SDC »

bryozoa wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:21 am
Most average western white males don't have any choice but to remain single.
Most? Do you have any specific figures you are basing this on?

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retrofuturist
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings,
bryozoa wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:21 am
Women condemn us men to remain single but worse treat us with suspicion and scorn and manipulate their alpha male bulls into bullying and harassing us at every opportunity.
This looks like a case of projecting and generalizing personal experience and implying it must be the general case.

I cannot relate to this, and prima facie, it looks ridiculous.

Metta,
Paul. :)
"The uprooting of identity is seen by the noble ones as pleasurable; but this contradicts what the whole world sees." (Snp 3.12)

"It is natural that one who knows and sees things as they really are is disenchanted and dispassionate." (AN 10.2)

“Truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.” (Flannery O'Connor)

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DooDoot
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by DooDoot »

bryozoa wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:21 am
Most average western white males don't have any choice but to remain single. Young western females are becoming increasingly fussy, conditioned by the decadent media... The majority of females also have a host of potential suitors vying for their attention and they can just sit back (or lay back) and wait for the most aggressive man with the most resources at his disposal to approach them.
The above sounds illogical to me, unless Islamic polygamy is being practised. In my experience, i see lots of available women...
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

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robertk
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by robertk »

bryozoa wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:21 am
Most average western white males don't have ....appearance. Women condemn us men to remain single but worse treat us with suspicion and scorn and manipulate their alpha male bulls into bullying and harassing us at every opportunity.
atlas.jpg

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Aloka
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Aloka »

bryozoa wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:21 am
Most average western white males don't have any choice but to remain single. Young western females are becoming increasingly fussy, conditioned by the decadent media to be attracted to prideful, arrogant and violent males. The majority of females also have a host of potential suitors vying for their attention and they can just sit back (or lay back) and wait for the most aggressive man with the most resources at his disposal to approach them. Men on the other hand have very limited options especially if they have low income and an average physical appearance. Women condemn us men to remain single but worse treat us with suspicion and scorn and manipulate their alpha male bulls into bullying and harassing us at every opportunity.

What ? :rolleye:


.

bryozoa
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by bryozoa »

retrofuturist wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 2:16 am
Greetings,
bryozoa wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:21 am
Women condemn us men to remain single but worse treat us with suspicion and scorn and manipulate their alpha male bulls into bullying and harassing us at every opportunity.
This looks like a case of projecting and generalizing personal experience and implying it must be the general case.

I cannot relate to this, and prima facie, it looks ridiculous.

Metta,
Paul. :)
I can only talk from my experience but as a socially awkward male who lacks confidence, I've seen plenty of confident and competitive males who I don't consider to be nice human beings, secure access to female partners.

The thugs who severely bullied me when I was younger always had girlfriends and now they're raising families and respected members of the community. They are 'pillars of the community' in fact. Whereas I'm vilified by the local community as a 'loner'. It's always quiet men like myself who are described as loners, never quiet females.

I could accept my solitary existence quite happily if I was wasn't confronted by so many reminders of those thugs and confident men leading happy and fulfilled lives. They take delight at gloating at me while making sure the happiness they enjoy is clearly visible and I am acutely aware of this deprivation. This has naturally made me very hostile to family values, so much so that I want the traditional family unit to be dismantled but hopefully not before its been corrupted and perverted first.

Not only have I never had a girlfriend, I've never even had a friend who was female. In my experience even quiet women are still primarily attracted to confident men.

All this has left me questioning karma. I don't see why bullies and aggressive men should be rewarded with wives and children. While I and my late brother were completely ignored by females as we became adults but mocked and ridiculed by them when we were growing up.
Last edited by bryozoa on Fri Oct 11, 2019 4:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.

bryozoa
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by bryozoa »

DooDoot wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 2:24 am
bryozoa wrote:
Fri Oct 11, 2019 12:21 am
Most average western white males don't have any choice but to remain single. Young western females are becoming increasingly fussy, conditioned by the decadent media... The majority of females also have a host of potential suitors vying for their attention and they can just sit back (or lay back) and wait for the most aggressive man with the most resources at his disposal to approach them.
The above sounds illogical to me, unless Islamic polygamy is being practised. In my experience, i see lots of available women...
All women are attracted to confident men who have social status. Confident men compete for the attention of women, so women never need to approach men. A quiet socially awkward man like me, incapable of social interaction would be seen as threatening or 'creepy' if I tried to approach a women or girl and probably be warned off by circling alpha male bulls. Women are jealously guarded by stronger men.

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