Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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holylotus
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Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by holylotus » Fri Sep 06, 2019 11:29 am

Very strange question I know. Not sure it belongs on this forum. But well... didnt know who and where else to ask

So my father drinks in the evenings and becomes sort of a monster, making the house a very scary place for everyone living there. He has not worked in many many years (no need financially) and watches TV all day, which doesnt help him I think.

Seeing a professional, getting any kind of help or talking to him about it is not an option.

So I have been playing with the idea of trying to get him to smoke marijuana in the hopes that it might curb him off the alcohol, make him more mellow and perhaps even inspire him to do something creative with his time.

You guys think its a good idea? What is the karma of this act for both of us?

Although I have been following precepts for over 4 years strictly, I reason that since he will alter his consciousness anyway, he might aswell do it with marijuana, which might be the lesser of the 2 evils. Also if it doesnt help him, it might atleast make him less aggressive thereby making life easier for those living with him...

On the other hand ofcourse we repay our parents debt through helping esablish them in Sila, Samadhi and wisdom... so in a way this idea goes into the exact opposite direction - giving him another vice. Hence I am very skeptical.

Any ideas and comments are appreciated.

Thank you

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Aloka
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by Aloka » Fri Sep 06, 2019 11:48 am

So I have been playing with the idea of trying to get him to smoke marijuana in the hopes that it might curb him off the alcohol, make him more mellow and perhaps even inspire him to do something creative with his time.

You guys think its a good idea?
No,definately not, its a very bad idea. You'd just be introducing him to another kind of intoxicant. Plus a mixture of alcohol and weed can not only make some people get sick and vomit, but can also make them even more aggressive.

It sounds as if your father is bored. Try being very patient and kind with him and involve him in some activities which you could share and which might stimulate him mentally and physically. Maybe that would eventually take his mind off getting wrecked on alcohol all the time.

.

holylotus
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by holylotus » Fri Sep 06, 2019 1:58 pm

That is very wise advise. Thank you!

I should probably get past my fear of being abused by him again, aversion and ego and roll my sleeves up from time to time try and involve him in something, rather than look for a magical 'quick fix'.

Disciple
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by Disciple » Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:00 pm

Its the safer alternative and from my experience also makes you to self reflect and see the flaws in one's character on a deeper level. From a strict Buddhist view both of them should be avoided but I can't denounce the therapeutic effects.

holylotus
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by holylotus » Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:42 pm

Yes, the self-reflection it can induce and therapeutic effects were what had sparked this idea.

Mostly for his own good, he should see and acknowledge his flaws and the horrible karma he generates through his actions..

But perhaps it might make things worse as Aloka said, and give him another form of intoxicating himself in addition to the booze. He already smokes cigarettes aswell.

ehensens
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by ehensens » Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:13 pm

Hello holylotus!

I think it depends on your father. Do you think it would be possible to get him to replace his alcohol habit with a marijuana habit? I've read anecdotes about people using marijuana to defeat their alcoholism (and in my opinion, marijuana is definitely much less destructive than alcohol). If this can be done, it could be a real net positive.

If, however, you don't think your father would ever quit drinking, I'm not sure how much benefit adding marijuana to the mix would be. It might make him a little more introspective (which could be a good thing), and I don't think it would really make things worse, but the possibility remains that if alcohol brings out abusive qualities in him that the marijuana probably wouldn't alleviate that.

This is all extremely subjective... just my two cents. I sincerely wish you (and your father) the very best of luck with this difficult situation :heart: :hug:

Erik

Disciple
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by Disciple » Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:35 pm

holylotus wrote:
Fri Sep 06, 2019 2:42 pm
Yes, the self-reflection it can induce and therapeutic effects were what had sparked this idea.

Mostly for his own good, he should see and acknowledge his flaws and the horrible karma he generates through his actions..

But perhaps it might make things worse as Aloka said, and give him another form of intoxicating himself in addition to the booze. He already smokes cigarettes aswell.
The risk for dependency is there but much less than alcohol and other drugs.

dharmacorps
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by dharmacorps » Fri Sep 06, 2019 6:18 pm

From a non-dhamma perspective of one in recovery/AA, this is frankly a terrible idea. I understand your reason for approaching this question, but this is a matter of not being informed about addiction. Please stop and think carefully before going on this perilous course.

Let me put this simply: supplying or encouraging an alcoholic with additional substances is totally irresponsible, reckless, and honestly, cruel.

Your father will just become more intoxicated and use both substances. In other words, he will use weed alcoholically. How do I know? I did it and tons of alcoholics did/do it.

This idea flys in the face of modern understanding of addiction treatment. Do yourself, your family, and your father a favor and go to a Al-Anon meeting. Not AA, this is for family members dealing with your situation.

From a dhamma perspective, it is also a terrible idea. You would be encouraging others to break the 5th precept, setting someone on course to harm themselves, and even more, harm a parent (especially blameworthy). You would be compromising your factors for enlightenment.

I am sorry to hear of your fathers addiction and suffering.

2600htz
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by 2600htz » Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:34 pm

Hello:

Why seeing a professional, getting any kind of help or talking to him about it is not an option ?.
You cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped. You can only teach him by example, not being dragged into his game.

Regards.

sunnat
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by sunnat » Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:57 pm

I agree 100% with what dhammacorps has written so educate yourself about addiction.

Organisations like Al-Anon hold collectively the wisdom of experience that you need to correctly deal with an addict.

You'll find them easily, including online like at soberrecovery.com

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salayatananirodha
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by salayatananirodha » Sat Sep 07, 2019 10:13 pm

it's only a slightly good idea in my opinion, maybe like fix-a-flat
it'll only hold up for a while
weed is not an intoxicant in my opinion however it dulls the senses and people can be very nasty if they depend on it and cant get it
i dont have a good answer for you right now but definitely good for you to try, in line with kataññu suttas
16. 'In what has the world originated?' — so said the Yakkha Hemavata, — 'with what is the world intimate? by what is the world afflicted, after having grasped at what?' (167)

17. 'In six the world has originated, O Hemavata,' — so said Bhagavat, — 'with six it is intimate, by six the world is afflicted, after having grasped at six.' (168)

- Hemavatasutta


links:
https://www.ancient-buddhist-texts.net/index.htm
http://thaiforestwisdom.org/canonical-texts/
http://seeingthroughthenet.net/wp-conte ... _Heart.pdf
https://www.dhammatalks.org/index.html

holylotus
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Re: Trying to introduce an abusive alcoholic father to weed?

Post by holylotus » Mon Sep 09, 2019 9:08 am

Thank you all for your kind advise and goodwill!

I have aborted the idea about the weed.

Will take the one about Al-Anon.

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