retrofuturist wrote: ↑
Wed May 22, 2019 11:29 am
SarathW wrote: ↑
Wed May 22, 2019 10:55 am
It is great if you can share your experience here. That may help many.
I won't go into it in great detail, but when I divorced in 2012, I intended to ordain in the same city, so that my son (then 8 years old) would still be able to see me on occasion, if he chose to do so. After some time it became apparent to me that I felt too much responsibility towards him to go down that path, so I decided instead to buy a unit and continue working, but with the view of undertaking a minimalist lifestyle, and hopefully having paid off the unit in order to gift it to him, by the time he became an adult in 9 or 10 years time, at which time I would finally ordain. Then, on my travels through life, I started Bikram Yoga, met my wife at the yoga studio, now have two more sons (Owen, 3 & Patrick, 1), and plans of ordination are totally out the window. Interestingly though, I'm at peace with this outcome in a way that I wasn't during my first marriage. I think I've learned how to find the right balance, navigating past situations faced in 2010
Thank you for sharing that. I've already encountered a similar obstacle, born of my (in my opinion, rightful) sense of duty towards my youngest, who I only recently was told was 'doing well'.
My ex has informed me, that she is currently 'in a mess mentally', not attending the new school up there (in the country, living with my ex), deeply depressed. There is no way I'm going to be able to find peace of mind in a monastery, being aware of my daughter's suffering.
I've decided, the best thing to do right now is to get a room close
to a Monastery perhaps, or the Buddhist Society , so I can easily visit a monk / monks, and get more noble association, give regular dana, build up my 'store of merit', meditate, anyway to sum it up: dana, sila, bhavana.
When i heard of my daughter's condition this morning, I knew I am not ready to ordain, or even live as a monk at this time, my mind is now focussed on somehow getting a better living arrangement, a room near a Buddhist centre that has monks from the the Thai Forest Tradition, and as I said, socializing with 'people of integrity', as it says in the suttas. Somehow , I need to get more physically strong and healthy, so I can get a job of some kind, and afford a two-bedroom dwelling, and perhaps my daughter will then feel safe to move back to Melbourne and live with me again. I'm very concerned at her being depressed and at her mother's and I have valid reasons for that, I'd best leave it at that however.
So my previous kamma 'action' of having children, is still an obstacle, in the sense that I would be a pretty uncaring father, if I just thought of my own needs, and went off to a more renounced life at this time. It would be selfish of me, a bit too easy. The honourable and right thing to do, is to knuckle down and get some work, so I can afford a dwelling my daughter will actually be happy to reside in (i've been stuck in substandard dwellings, while my ex has a nice, big house in the country, by comparison). To sum it up, I think my daughter still needs me after all.
I cannot just 'up and leave' yet.
So, my current task is to simply find a mould-free room anywhere, to be honest. I think the black mould in the flat i currently still reside in is pretty bad for my health.
Thank you everyone for your input and advice. I don't regret having had children,
to do that would not only be mean-spirited towards them, but would also be denying of the past twenty years, in which I've learned so much about real caring, sacrifice, etc. Furthermore, I actually do love my kids, just to be clear.
They are both pretty special, intelligent, kind-hearted, etc. I feel blessed to have had them, as my kids. However, there are consequences when we bring a being into the world, and not being wealthy or able to provide a good dwelling with extended family who can care for my daughter (when the Buddha renounced the home life, he left his newborn son in good hands, safe and with extended family), it is my duty to think of my daughter's welfare at this time.
If any Melbourne residents know of a flat, room or even a clean, dry, mould-free shed I could reside in, even just for a few months while I try to sort things out, please let me know, it would be much appreciated (I could afford to pay up to $200 per week maximum). With that this topic ought to end, I don't want anyone expending any more energy on advising me, on something I cannot currently do in good conscience. Once my daughter is well and happy, however, I will re-examine the 'monastery stay, with a view to perhaps ordaining' option again.