Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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Sweetrosekia
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Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by Sweetrosekia » Sat Sep 08, 2018 12:55 am

Hi I'm 35 newly divorced after a nine year marriage and living alone. I had a child from a previous relationship that failed after three years and I lost custody of her shortly after our separation. I tried to date again but I ended up getting sexually transmitted disease raped verbally and physically abused.i suffered mental health problems and is currently on medicine.i am so lonely and have many regrets over failed relationships I'm considering becoming buddist and remaining celibate for the rest of my life my family is not supportive of me and very negative to talk to I have no one in my life.any advice is appreciated.

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LG2V
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by LG2V » Sat Sep 08, 2018 2:11 am

Best wishes to you Sweetrosekia. Life can be tough sometimes. :hug:

I would see a therapist. Dharma practice can be beneficial, but it's more of a supplement to other therapies if you have serious problems. With that being said, there are people here who are older and wiser than me, and I'm sure that they'll be here to offer more advice soon.
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DooDoot
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by DooDoot » Sat Sep 08, 2018 3:39 am

Hello Sweetrosekia. The Buddhist path starts with non-violence or non-harming towards oneself and others; thus being very careful when acting and with whom one associates with. In Buddhism, the refuge of safety is in the Buddha, His Teachings/Path (Dhamma) and his Community (Sangha). I generally recommend newcomers to Buddhism to attend a trustworthy Buddhist centre if they wish to learn; a centre which has a genuine atmosphere of love & safety. I think if a person has some wounds & hurts, as you have, merely a social atmosphere of love & safety can start the healing & learning process. Buddhism teaches we learn from suffering. That you have suffered and now look for another way of living is similar to what most Buddhists have experienced. Our lives are capable of rejuvenation & healing. My best wishes for you. Kind regards. :)
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Bundokji
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by Bundokji » Sat Sep 08, 2018 11:19 am

Hello Sweetrosekia,

I am sorry to know about the pain you have gone through and i hope this would be a turning point towards a happier and healthier life. If i were you, i would avoid any rash decisions about becoming celibate because this could be a reaction to the pain you experienced in your previous relationships (which is natural), but setting aside anything to do with relationships for the time being is definitely a wise decision.

The Buddha described wise companionship to be the whole of holy life, so if you can find new friends who are wise and compassionate then go for it. You will begin to notice a relationship between the quality of our friends and the quality of our own minds. Being with good and wise people improve the quality of our minds, and a well developed mind would naturally avoid evil people as it wont find anything in common with them.

Developing ones own mind is a gradual process and you can never know, maybe one day you will look back at your past experiences and realize what went wrong with your previous relationships, and then you would be in a better position to decide if having a good partner is what you want or to be celibate. At least you would be deciding from a position of wisdom and strength.

Good luck :heart:
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dharmacorps
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by dharmacorps » Sat Sep 08, 2018 5:55 pm

Hi Sweet, sorry to hear of your hardships. It may be worth examining whether your impulse to be "Buddhist and Celibate" is to avoid your problems, or to face them head on. Buddhist is facing them head on. Monks and dedicated lay practitioners who meditate and practice well end up face to face with any difficulties they have, problems, trauma, etc. If you are ready to put an end to suffering, then it is the right path, but not easy.

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cappuccino
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by cappuccino » Wed Sep 19, 2018 2:46 am

you can rely on impermanence

you can't rely on permanence

tamdrin
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by tamdrin » Mon Oct 08, 2018 8:34 am

Hello,


I am sorry you have suffered and are suffering. Buddhism can be a great help in overcoming suffering. I suggest you get some basic books and study up before making any decisions to commit yourself. There are also a lot of other methods you can try in dealing with your suffering.


Best wishes...

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Manopubbangama
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by Manopubbangama » Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:32 pm

Sweetrosekia wrote:
Sat Sep 08, 2018 12:55 am
Hi I'm 35 newly divorced after a nine year marriage and living alone. I had a child from a previous relationship that failed after three years and I lost custody of her shortly after our separation. I tried to date again but I ended up getting sexually transmitted disease raped verbally and physically abused.i suffered mental health problems and is currently on medicine.i am so lonely and have many regrets over failed relationships I'm considering becoming buddist and remaining celibate for the rest of my life my family is not supportive of me and very negative to talk to I have no one in my life.any advice is appreciated.
Hello,

What you describe sounds absolutely terrible, and I am sorry that you are suffering from it.

I have no suggestions other than what can be found in the Suttas, as this pretty much encompasses everything.

That being said, if you have any interest in talking, you are always welcome to talk to me.

I am not a monk and only apply the following disciplinary rules to myself:

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .nara.html

There is nothing special about me at all, actually I make mistakes every day that cause me to suffer.

That being said, just reading this sutta and attempting to follow it has assuredly been for my benefit and kept me away from countless suffering that I could have encountered.

I know this is not much, especially at this terrifying moment in your life, but it just very well may be a start if you are interested in Buddhism.

mrgrtt123
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Location: British Columbia

Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by mrgrtt123 » Thu Oct 25, 2018 1:08 am

Life is not always easy, and I am sorry to hear about your relationship. I know that it won't be easy, but take some time on taking good care of yourself. Do the things that you failed to do way back when you are still in a relationship. Never get into a new relationship as I can see that you are not yet ready. If you need someone to talk too then feel free to leave a message on this forum and we will try to help you.
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HighPaste6
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by HighPaste6 » Mon Feb 11, 2019 8:32 pm

Watch the movie Rocky Balbo. I understand that this is just one of the most popular films, but it perfectly shows what to do when life hits you. Get up and go. Retreatment is not an option

sentinel
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by sentinel » Tue Feb 12, 2019 1:02 am

Sweetrosekia wrote:
Sat Sep 08, 2018 12:55 am
Hi I'm 35 newly divorced after a nine year marriage and living alone. I had a child from a previous relationship that failed after three years and I lost custody of her shortly after our separation. I tried to date again but I ended up getting sexually transmitted disease raped verbally and physically abused.i suffered mental health problems and is currently on medicine.i am so lonely and have many regrets over failed relationships I'm considering becoming buddist and remaining celibate for the rest of my life my family is not supportive of me and very negative to talk to I have no one in my life.any advice is appreciated.
Hi friend ,

Do you ever think why the relationships failed ?
Our character or attitude or some bad habits , could be . Reflections might help .
You feel very lonely means you need Love desperately , Security , Companionship and Not necessarily Relationships if one is not yet ready for it . Maybe you will have to try to find friends or good peoples that willing to hear or help . Buddhist association or some monastery .
:coffee:

santa100
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by santa100 » Tue Feb 12, 2019 3:39 am

Sweetrosekia wrote:i am so lonely...
Hang out more at DhammaWheel and your loneliness issue will be solved... :smile: On a serious note, there're various ways to fix the problem. Get out more to do outdoor exercises; join local spiritual communities; spend more time learning Buddhism, practice meditation; do volunteer work to help the old, the sick, and the poor. I can assure you that once you've seen and helped people with painful diseases, people in destitude, or those who suffer both AND are in the last stage of their lives in many nursing homes, you'll realize that while your situation is pretty lousy, it's still only a fraction of the level of suffering a great many other people are going through out there. Overcome or transform you own suffering so that you can help alleviate the suffering of many others. You'll feel much better that way.

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Dhammanando
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by Dhammanando » Tue Feb 12, 2019 4:42 am

As the OP hasn't logged in since the day after she joined six months ago, it seems likely that the posts from cappuccino's onwards are all unwitting soliloquies.

;)
“Keep to your own pastures, bhikkhus, walk in the haunts where your fathers roamed.
If ye thus walk in them, Māra will find no lodgement, Māra will find no foothold.”
— Cakkavattisīhanāda Sutta

santa100
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by santa100 » Tue Feb 12, 2019 2:09 pm

That'd be true if the posts were directed to Sweetrosekia only. The fact is that there're many others who face similar situation and could use any infos. available that might help. New posts help bumping up the thread and can be useful in many ways: checking up on the OP status, provide more infos. to the silent audiences with similar issues, and of course could be useful "soliloquies" for both the contributor and the listeners if needed.

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