Losing friendships

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
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Zachary
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Losing friendships

Post by Zachary »

Hello,

My friends like to go partying, drinking, going to festivals, chasing their dreams of succes, enjoying a whole lot of entertainment. And I'm totally opposite of what they're doing. I spend most of my hours in meditation, read meditation manuals, go to dhamma groups and to retreats. I think me and my friends are heading to totally different destinations. I think these are my options:

A) Do more things with my friends to let them know I'm still one of the group
B) Let it be. If they want to do things with me, that's fine. But if we be apart for a longer while or separated forever, that will be ok too.
C) Let them know that we can't be friends anymore, because we are to different in interest and values

Which should I choose?

Thanks and metta from Zachary
Spiny Norman
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Spiny Norman »

Zachary wrote: Mon Jun 18, 2018 12:33 pm Hello,

My friends like to go partying, drinking, going to festivals, chasing their dreams of succes, enjoying a whole lot of entertainment. And I'm totally opposite of what they're doing. I spend most of my hours in meditation, read meditation manuals, go to dhamma groups and to retreats. I think me and my friends are heading to totally different destinations. I think these are my options:

A) Do more things with my friends to let them know I'm still one of the group
B) Let it be. If they want to do things with me, that's fine. But if we be apart for a longer while or separated forever, that will be ok too.
C) Let them know that we can't be friends anymore, because we are to different in interest and values

Which should I choose?

Thanks and metta from Zachary
B sounds like the middle way!
Buddha save me from new-agers!
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Sam Vara
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Sam Vara »

B.
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SDC
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by SDC »

Definitely not C
“Life is swept along, short is the life span; no shelters exist for one who has reached old age. Seeing clearly this danger in death, a seeker of peace should drop the world’s bait.” SN 1.3
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TamHanhHi
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by TamHanhHi »

B.

Also, see if you can bring one or more of them along with you when you go on a short retreat. I did with one of my friends and she loved it. Doesn't hurt to try, and if they turn you down, no worries.
"Just as a large banyan tree, on level ground where four roads meet, is a haven for the birds all around, even so a lay person of conviction is a haven for many people: monks, nuns, male lay followers, & female lay followers."AN 5.38
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Pseudobabble
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Pseudobabble »

SDC wrote: Mon Jun 18, 2018 3:27 pmDefinitely not C
Agreed. B.
"Does Master Gotama have any position at all?"

"A 'position,' Vaccha, is something that a Tathagata has done away with. What a Tathagata sees is this: 'Such is form, such its origination, such its disappearance; such is feeling, such its origination, such its disappearance; such is perception...such are fabrications...such is consciousness, such its origination, such its disappearance.'" - Aggi-Vacchagotta Sutta


'Dust thou art, and unto dust thou shalt return.' - Genesis 3:19

'Some fart freely, some try to hide and silence it. Which one is correct?' - Saegnapha
2600htz
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by 2600htz »

Hello:

Closest friends will stick around, but you probably won´t see them so often as you used to do.
But you have to show them affection from time to time, so they can know you still care.

Regards.
paul
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by paul »

B
The practitioner must look at the long-term implications.
"Bad friends, bad companions,
Bad practices — spending time in evil ways,
By these, one brings oneself to ruin,
In this world and the next.

Seduction, gambling, drinking, singing, dancing,
Sleeping by day, wandering all around untimely,
Harmful friends, utter stinginess:
These things destroy a person.

They play with dice; they drink spirits;
They consort with lovers dear to others.
Associating with low-life and not the esteemed,
They come to ruin like the waning moon.

Whoever is a drunkard, broke, and destitute,
Dragged by thirst from bar to bar,
Sinking into debt like a stone in water
Into bewilderment quickly plunges.

When sleeping late becomes a habit
And night is seen as time to rise,
For one perpetually intoxicated,
A home life cannot be maintained.

'Too cold! Too hot!
Too late!': they say.
Having wasted work time this way,
The young miss out on opportunities.

For one regarding cold and hot
As not more than blades of grass,
Doing whatever should be done,
Happiness will not be a stranger."---DN 31, Kelly, Sawyer, Yareham.
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DNS
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by DNS »

Zachary wrote: Mon Jun 18, 2018 12:33 pm Which should I choose?
B as in buddha. :meditate:
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Kim OHara
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Kim OHara »

B.

We had a very similar thread here a while ago but I can't remember it well enough to find it for Zachary. Does anyone else recall it?

:namaste:
Kim
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retrofuturist
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings,

Another B.

Metta,
Paul. :)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
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Sam Vara
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Sam Vara »

Kim OHara wrote: Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:24 pm B.

We had a very similar thread here a while ago but I can't remember it well enough to find it for Zachary. Does anyone else recall it?

:namaste:
Kim
Here we go:

viewtopic.php?f=42&t=31797&p=469786#p469786
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salayatananirodha
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by salayatananirodha »

Should a seeker not find a companion who is better or equal, let him resolutely pursue a solitary course; there is no fellowship with the fool.

- Balavagga, Dhammapada.
I host a sutta discussion via Zoom Sundays at 11AM Chicago time — message me if you are interested
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Kim OHara
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Re: Losing friendships

Post by Kim OHara »

Sam Vara wrote: Mon Jun 18, 2018 10:58 pm
Kim OHara wrote: Mon Jun 18, 2018 8:24 pm B.

We had a very similar thread here a while ago but I can't remember it well enough to find it for Zachary. Does anyone else recall it?

:namaste:
Kim
Here we go:

viewtopic.php?f=42&t=31797&p=469786#p469786
That's the one!

:twothumbsup:

Kim
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