How to deal with people who are disrespectful

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
User avatar
retrofuturist
Site Admin
Posts: 19932
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 9:52 pm
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Contact:

Re: How to deal with people who are disrespectful

Post by retrofuturist » Fri Oct 18, 2013 12:50 am

Greetings,
violetyoga wrote:Retro, I agree. I don't aim to be a hero either. It is impossible. But I feel as though
situations and events surrounding animals seem to follow me. From finding injured animals to walking into situations where I have to act (people abusing animals in public/in my site). These situations I cannot ignore but I do know they my thoughts and emotions are unhealthy and make me unhappy. I would like to change that slowly. I have found everyone's insight very helpful as a start. :)
Keep an open heart, and remain aware of your mindstates. :)

Are you familiar with the Satipatthana Sutta? It provides excellent guidance on how to remain mindfully aware of your experience on a moment-to-moment basis.

Metta,
Retro. :)
"Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education." - Ven. Thich Nhat Hanh

"The uprooting of identity is seen by the noble ones as pleasurable; but this contradicts what the whole world sees." (Snp 3.12)

"One discerns wrong view as wrong view, and right view as right view. This is one's right view." (MN 117)

chownah
Posts: 7334
Joined: Wed Aug 12, 2009 2:19 pm

Re: How to deal with people who are disrespectful

Post by chownah » Fri Oct 18, 2013 2:37 am

violetyoga wrote:
chownah wrote:violetyoga,
Seems like you are suffering......seems like because of your suffering you are asking how to deal with certain people so that you can eliminate or reduce your suffering. The key to ending your suffering will not be found in the person you see as the cause of your suffering.....you will find it inside yourself. Your suffering is just as important as the animals' suffering.
chownah
You are absolutely right chownah. I am suffering and I don't know how to deal with the situation. The words to me are not as painful as the actions. For example seeing photos or shared posts on Facebook of animal abuse and neglect makes my heart ache. I can tuen my ear away from hurtful words.

I've cried before, thinking what can I do for them when they are physically abused and neglected? There are countless animals, children and people out there suffering but the animals always touch me the most. Then I get angry and think those people that do such horrible things should meet the same faith. I know it's wrong but I don't know how else to react and think. It's difficult to justify someone's horrible actions. And what do you do to prevent someone like that from continuing to hurt animals for example? You have to stop them at some point.

How do I begin to deal with my own issues and end my suffering as well? End the stress?
There is a lot of good advise given already. I will add one thing that you might consider. Since you become aware of your suffering when you see animals mistreated then at that moment when you see the mistreatment and you feel your own suffering perhaps it would be good to reflect on the First Noble Truth....the truth that there is suffering in the world....and observe how there is suffering internally and there is suffering externally..........Maybe this will be a good start......if you have time and the inclination you might follow this with some thought given to the other three noble truths.
chownah

cookiemonster
Posts: 134
Joined: Sat Oct 12, 2013 4:42 am

Re: How to deal with people who are disrespectful

Post by cookiemonster » Sat Oct 19, 2013 7:46 pm

You may wish to read the Kakacupama Sutta ...

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html

SarathW
Posts: 9415
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2012 2:49 am

Re: How to deal with people who are disrespectful

Post by SarathW » Sun Oct 20, 2013 7:16 am

Hi
There are lot of good advise given already.

It is not easy to get away from disrespectful things. This is a form or aversion.
Even if you are going to move to an island with no human you still have to deal with people and things that you used to dislike.
In my case I use two stratagies.
A) I try to associate good friends with whom I can have a meaning full discussion even if we agree to disagree with our opinion. Eg: Dhammawheel

B) Try to work with people with compassion towards animals,less advantage people etc.
In my case I am supporting a Tasmanian couple who has deovted their time and resources to protect injured wildlife.
See:

http://pademelonpark.com.au/
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”

User avatar
bodom
Posts: 6216
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:18 pm
Location: San Antonio, Texas

Re: How to deal with people who are disrespectful

Post by bodom » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:23 pm

There is a famous story of such an encounter between the Buddha and a ‘difficult person’ named Akkosina.Akkosina’s name means “Not Getting Angry” but he was the exact opposite of his name. Akkosina was easily angered and was always angry about something or someone. When he heard that the Buddha did not get angry with anyone he immediately decided to visit him. He went up to the Buddha and scolded him for all sorts of things, insulting him and calling him awful names. At the end of this angry speech, the Buddha asked this man if he had any friends or relatives. “Yes.” Akokosina replied. “When you visit them, do you take them gifts?” the Buddha asked. “Of course, I always bring them gifts.” The angry man replied. “Then what happens if they don’t accept your gifts?” The Buddha asked. “Well I take them home and enjoy them with my own family” “And likewise,” said the Buddha, “You have brought me a gift here today that I do not accept, and so you may take that gift home to your family.”

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .budd.html

There is another story from the Buddhas life that teaches us how to responds to insults and harsh words. The Buddhas rivals had bribed a postitue named cinca to insult and humiliate the Buddha, Cinca tied a bunch of sticks to her belly underneath her rough clothes in order to look like she was pregnant. While the Buddha was delivering a sermon to hundreds of people, she came right out in front of him and said "You rogue. You pretend to be a saint preaching to all these people. But look what you have done to me! I am pregnant because of you." Calmly, the Buddha spoke to her, without anger, without hatred. With his voice full of lovingkindness and compasion, he said to her, "Sister, you and i are the only ones who know what has happened." Cinca was taken aback by the Buddhas response. She was so shocked that on the way back she she stumbled. The strings that were holding the bundle of sticks to her belly came loose. All the sticks fell to the ground, and everyone realized her ruse.

http://www.palikanon.com/english/pali_n ... avikaa.htm

Also see here:

The Unresentful
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... nresentful

:anjali:
To study is to know the texts,
To practice is to know your defilements,
To attain the goal is to know and let go.

- Ajahn Lee Dhammadharo


With no struggling, no thinking,
the mind, still,
will see cause and effect
vanishing in the Void.
Attached to nothing, letting go:
Know that this is the way
to allay all stress.

- Upasika Kee Nanayan

User avatar
bodom
Posts: 6216
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:18 pm
Location: San Antonio, Texas

Re: How to deal with people who are disrespectful

Post by bodom » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:54 pm

Also see the Kakacupama Sutta: The Parable of the Saw
"Monks, even if bandits were to savagely sever you, limb by limb, with a double-handled saw, even then, whoever of you harbors ill will at heart would not be upholding my Teaching. Monks, even in such a situation you should train yourselves thus: 'Neither shall our minds be affected by this, nor for this matter shall we give vent to evil words, but we shall remain full of concern and pity, with a mind of love, and we shall not give in to hatred. On the contrary, we shall live projecting thoughts of universal love to those very persons, making them as well as the whole world the object of our thoughts of universal love — thoughts that have grown great, exalted and measureless. We shall dwell radiating these thoughts which are void of hostility and ill will.' It is in this way, monks, that you should train yourselves.

"Monks, if you should keep this instruction on the Parable of the Saw constantly in mind, do you see any mode of speech, subtle or gross, that you could not endure?"

"No, Lord."

"Therefore, monks, you should keep this instruction on the Parable of the Saw constantly in mind. That will conduce to your well-being and happiness for long indeed."

That is what the Blessed One said. Delighted, those monks acclaimed the Teaching of the Blessed One.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .budd.html

:anjali:
To study is to know the texts,
To practice is to know your defilements,
To attain the goal is to know and let go.

- Ajahn Lee Dhammadharo


With no struggling, no thinking,
the mind, still,
will see cause and effect
vanishing in the Void.
Attached to nothing, letting go:
Know that this is the way
to allay all stress.

- Upasika Kee Nanayan

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Baidu [Spider], chownah, JamesTheGiant, rightviewftw, robertk, Yahoo [Bot] and 65 guests