Sad way to learn

Casual discussion amongst spiritual friends.
Post Reply
User avatar
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 1:08 am
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina

Sad way to learn

Post by Hoja » Wed Jul 29, 2009 8:53 pm

My wife asked me yesterday night to leave home. I've made many mistakes during my marriage she couldn't accept more. At this point she feels anger and hate towards me, and I've realized what' a fool I've been. I love her and with my daugher are the most important persons in my life, but I don't know if someday we could be toghether as a couple again, or not.

I've learned how my thoughts and actions affects the others. I've learned the bennefits of metta and equanimity. I've learned that we should closely observe our feelings and emotions. And I've learned that even marriages and happy couples could be impermanent. Sadly, perhaps is was too late for the lesson, and she will never let me with her again.

I'm very, very sad.

User avatar
Site Admin
Posts: 11070
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:15 am
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada

Re: Sad way to learn

Post by DNS » Wed Jul 29, 2009 9:01 pm

:cry: Sorry to hear the sad news. Maybe it will work itself out in time. If not, it is good you found the Dhamma to help you with the emotional drain this will take.

May you, your wife, and daughter be well, happy, and peaceful.
May no harm or troubles come to you.
May you face the inevitable problems and difficulties of life with metta, karuna, mudita, and upekkha.


User avatar
Posts: 6588
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 10:31 pm
Location: Ellan Vannin

Re: Sad way to learn

Post by Cittasanto » Wed Jul 29, 2009 9:32 pm

Sorry to hear this,

I am in a relationship and terible at them, but I try!?!?????

maybe this is an oportunity to change for the better! maybe some time apart will do you both good and form a stronger more successful relationship?

I don't really know if me writing this will help you but I do sincerely hope you find the right path to travel that will bring you, your wife and daughter a truly happy future!

ALL the Best, and I hope you are bearing well

Blog, Suttas, Aj Chah, Facebook.

He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.
John Stuart Mill

User avatar
Posts: 18442
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: kanamaluka

Re: Sad way to learn

Post by Ben » Wed Jul 29, 2009 10:14 pm

Hi Hoja
I'm sorry for the loss of your relationship.
No doubt it is a painful time but I hope you are able to take some time to observe the reality that you are experiencing.
sabbe dhamma anicca: all phenomena are impermanent
sabbe dhamma dukkha: all phenomena are unsatisfactory
sabbe dhamma anatta: all phenomena are not self.
Take care my friend, you will be in my metta.

“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR


User avatar
Posts: 36
Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2009 1:08 am
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina

Re: Sad way to learn

Post by Hoja » Fri Jul 31, 2009 6:00 pm

Thanks The Dhamma, Manapa and Ben for your conforting words. It's nice to know that sadness is also impermanent.

User avatar
Posts: 8504
Joined: Tue Jan 06, 2009 11:32 pm
Location: Queensland, Australia

Re: Sad way to learn

Post by cooran » Fri Jul 31, 2009 7:20 pm

Hello Hoja,

I'm sorry to hear of your unhappiness.
Make sure you have a supportive friend, group, or relative that you can see regularly.
Even look towards a new activity, sport or interest and meet new people.
I hope the laws in your country protect your right to see your child frequently.

This too will pass, you WILL be happy again ~ but it often takes longer than we think to get over. Hang in there.

---The trouble is that you think you have time---
---Worry is the Interest, paid in advance, on a debt you may never owe---
---It's not what happens to you in life that is important ~ it's what you do with it ---

User avatar
Posts: 266
Joined: Thu Apr 09, 2009 11:08 pm

Re: Sad way to learn

Post by adosa » Fri Jul 31, 2009 9:52 pm

Hi Hoja,

I'm sorry to hear this but I hope you're doing okay. Wishing you peace and serenity. I promise you will recover. It just takes time. I also hope you can find some relief from the teachings of the Blessed One.


"To avoid all evil, to cultivate good, and to cleanse one's mind — this is the teaching of the Buddhas" - Dhammapada 183

User avatar
Posts: 703
Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:46 pm
Location: Austin, TX, USA

Re: Sad way to learn

Post by Tex » Fri Jul 31, 2009 10:02 pm

Hang in there, friend. We've all been there. It passes, it always does.
"To reach beyond fear and danger we must sharpen and widen our vision. We have to pierce through the deceptions that lull us into a comfortable complacency, to take a straight look down into the depths of our existence, without turning away uneasily or running after distractions." -- Bhikkhu Bodhi

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." -- Heraclitus

Posts: 1970
Joined: Mon Jan 12, 2009 2:19 am

Re: Sad way to learn

Post by Individual » Sat Aug 01, 2009 2:38 am

I wish you well. I hope you can work things out or that you at least become stronger and happier in the long run, regardless of what happens.
The best things in life aren't things.

The Diamond Sutra

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot], Majestic-12 [Bot] and 53 guests