Calming and gladdening mind/body seems like lie.

[Shuuny]

Calming and gladdening mind/body seems like lie.

There was one time, when i did not know what is Buddhism and i was just practicing meditation after reading some books by Osho about ego/meditation. I reached a state when i could completely bliss-out after taking few breaths, while the whole technique for me was just trying to clear mind of any taught, no breath, no body, no memories, nothing. And it worked, producing calm, joy, ecstasy and liberation. Then one time i was doing my meditation as usual and entered a state, where i 'lost' my body and my mind rapidly started to 'refuse' any kind of taught, while experiencing/seeing some (extremely liberating/euphoric) weirdness at the same time, i freaked out because i taught i was dead, could find my body, could not think, mind was refusing to form any kind of complete taught, like every taught was being silenced and cut off before completing. So after that happened, i felt very calm and joyful for about 2 weeks, my view changed, and i was still able to reach complete bliss seemingly on-demand, whenever i please - just in time it takes to take few breaths, while clearing mind of all taught.

After those 2 weeks passed, I'm unable to reach such calmness with practice - it's either happening very rarely (probably when I'm not trying to reach it - that's the whole problem) or its not happening at all. So - calming and gladdening mind does not work for me - its a lie - when i try to calm or gladden my mind, i see that I'm lying to myself and forcing myself - if the mind is not calm, its not calm and i can see the not-calmness, but i can't really actively calm it 'by hand'.

I read things like 'focus on joy'. When i do that - i see 'focusing on joy' instead of actual joy. When i try to calm my mind - my mind thinks 'you are calming your mind', not becomes more calm. When i try to 'focus on joy' i dont feel joy - i feel immediate surroundings, like how my body feels, breath, bird outside of window, and the fact that I'm focusing on joy and 'you are meditating/sitting/breathing/hearing/etc', not joy.

[cooran]

Hello shunny,

There has been a previous discussion on this. Maybe some of the posts will be of assistance.

How to gladden the mind - an important part of meditation
http://www.dhammawheel.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=6631

With metta,
Chris

[Shuuny]

That settles it, found exactly what i need in the linked thread and tested in practice, mind really behaves better if its pleased Thank you..