I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Exploring Theravāda's connections to other paths - what can we learn from other traditions, religions and philosophies?
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lyndon taylor
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Re: I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Post by lyndon taylor »

Would you tell someone you shouldn't take aspirin for a severe headache, insulin for Diabetes, blood pressure medicine for heart disease, hopefully not. But bring up someone with a mental illness like depression, and everyone wants to say don't take medicine.

I don't know how many times I have heard sincere devout, religious people tell very sick people following this or that religion will cure you of the need for medicine, sorry but in most cases that's just a whole big load of BS. IMHO
18 years ago I made one of the most important decisions of my life and entered a local Cambodian Buddhist Temple as a temple boy and, for only 3 weeks, an actual Therevada Buddhist monk. I am not a scholar, great meditator, or authority on Buddhism, but Buddhism is something I love from the Bottom of my heart. It has taught me sobriety, morality, peace, and very importantly that my suffering is optional, and doesn't have to run my life. I hope to give back what little I can to the Buddhist community, sincerely former monk John

http://trickleupeconomictheory.blogspot.com/
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purple planet
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Re: I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Post by purple planet »

between2paths
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Re: I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Post by between2paths »

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I understand that I am the only one who can fix these problem, but im just so....f***....tired. I'm tired of everything, cant even be bothered to type unless I use my willpower. It's my fault though I guess, just need to find opportunities to fix myself while not hurting my family.

I agree I can try see this an as opportunity to grow, its just I'm stubborn and maybe I don't want to grow until I get my way.

I'm still jobless and I just failed an exam I put at least 300 hours into...the final effort/resistance I had against life. I got my email and all the life was drained out of me, I really hoped for a way out of this shit.

I went to a doctor, I really do think I have ADHD, I have all the symptons, I told him this and he laughed. I told him to take me seriously and he got aggressive, also telling me that even if was diagnosed the NHS ( I live in England) was very unlikely to fund me. So I left knowing he just didn't care, it was just a paycheck to him. He called up later apolagizing probably because he thought I would report him. I was tempted to but I didn't want to get him in trouble. Anyway he tells me he's booked me in to see a specialist.

I waited a few weeks and it turns out he didn't, he was just bullshitting to cover his ass, probably because so many people complain. I really can't be f*** to see another doctor, theyre all the bloody same, noone gives a shit and they think I can solve all my problems with exercise. I eat healthy, exercise regularly...what more? Next it will be, 'I need more social interaction', im sure that will cure whatever mental problem I have...:/

Anyway, I probably did something in my last life to be where I am right now, I need to find the strength to get out and TRULY change, but I'm scared of it. The only way I can get out is changing myself, what if I dont like who I become and there's nowhere for me to go or rest.

Maybe I need some sleep, I dont know, I had a shit day. I'm sorry for the use of profanity, I will try to stop.

I really do think I'm stupid. I zone out in the middle of conversations, I cant even make my bed without monstrous effort, I will get something like my car keys, put them down for a second and forget where I put my car keys...what the f*** hell? :jedi:

It takes me hours to do simple tasks. I'm going to go back to the doctors and ask for anti-depressants, the NHS obviously doesnt have the funding for my self diagnosed ADHD so this is the next best thing. Numb myself while I sort my life out, at least I won't be suffering.

I know this suffering is an opportunity to rise to the challenge, but I cannot for the life of me be bothered. If I was on a cliff right now and someone poked me forward so I fell, I wouldn't resist, thats how tired I am, I just dont care.

I have all this advice If only I could act on it. I want to thank everyone here for it anyway. I know everyone says counselling, but there is an 8 week wait for it where I live, I dont have the money to travel to central london like twice a week or whatever it is, and anyway, what will I tell my parents I'm doing there?

I think pills are my only option, for now. Staying in the 'present' moment is too painful. I just want to drift off in a haze for now, everything is just so f*** tiring. I still feel really alone. Maybe I am in a hole where I can readily climb out if I have myself believe I have the strength. Maybe the climb out of this hole is really easy and I just perceive it to be hard.

Recently, I go from having bucketloads of energy and ambition which I don't know how to channel, to the complete opposite, its weird.

Anyway, for now, I will try gain the strength to stay in the present moment, leaving the past behind and any worries behind, try be less clingy, eat healthy and exercise regularly, get out of the house more, try make some friends and take anti-depressants to help get out of this mess.

I hope one day I get through this, at the moment its too much to bear but I have no choice, I need to go through this hell, one inch at a time. Just don't stand still!

I'm just so tired
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lyndon taylor
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Re: I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Post by lyndon taylor »

A good anti depressant, matched to your conditions, shouldn't have a numbing effect but rather a stimulating effect, giving you more energy, the medicines that numb would tend to be the tranquilizers or anti psychotics, not the anti depressants, if you are going back and forth even over a long time period between spurts of lots of energy and severe depression, it might be manic depression, you are not going to get a satisfactory diagnosis from a GP, you need to see a psychiatrist, and the first medicine he puts you on may not be the right one, every person is different. I would ask you not to give up on getting help, no one said it was going to be easy, but in the long run easier than just continueing life like it is now.
18 years ago I made one of the most important decisions of my life and entered a local Cambodian Buddhist Temple as a temple boy and, for only 3 weeks, an actual Therevada Buddhist monk. I am not a scholar, great meditator, or authority on Buddhism, but Buddhism is something I love from the Bottom of my heart. It has taught me sobriety, morality, peace, and very importantly that my suffering is optional, and doesn't have to run my life. I hope to give back what little I can to the Buddhist community, sincerely former monk John

http://trickleupeconomictheory.blogspot.com/
dagon
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Re: I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Post by dagon »

hi between2paths

I think lyndon and other have given you good advice.

We understand you feeling of being alone and yes the response from the GP is more common than it should be. From what i have seen in my personal and work life there are 2 things that don't work; self diagnosis and self medication. It sounds like you may need help sooner than later and are not too sure where to turn.

There are organisation that are there that will do every thing that they can to help. If you can not wait for the NHS then it may be worth contacting -

http://www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/
http://www.mind.org.uk/help

metta
paul
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Anagarika
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Re: I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Post by Anagarika »

Anyway, for now, I will try gain the strength to stay in the present moment, leaving the past behind and any worries behind, try be less clingy, eat healthy and exercise regularly, get out of the house more, try make some friends and take anti-depressants to help get out of this mess.
That's the spirit, Between2! Some days it's just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, and getting out the door. Listen, you made some comment about being stupid. I read your posts. You write well, express yourself well...clearly there's some real intellect with you! Give me a break...you're smarter than 80 percent of the planet...but with the worry and depressive feelings, you're just not feeling it right now. So keep moving forward with your 'gaining strength' plan. It's a good one. Things will get better. It's one of the great things about life...things can be in the shitter, and we feel it's just never going to get better...and then one day, it's two years later, and all is actually better, and we wonder why so much energy was invested in the worry and negative thoughts.

Be selfish about getting support. Seek it out. Connect here and any place you feel secure. We're all connected and not a one of us has not felt the vicissitudes of life. It all gets better and that is guaranteed.
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Ben
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Re: I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Post by Ben »

Dear members:

This is a reminder that posts which are off-topic are routinely removed from view without warning.
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Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

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Dan74
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Re: I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Post by Dan74 »

I really feel for you, between2paths...

Sometimes life can feel very harsh and the world full of people who don't give a s**t about you. It almost goes together - going through a tough time and bumping exclusively into uncaring selfish people. I am not sure what the answer is, it could be that when we are in such frames of mind, we tend to zero in on cruelty and lack of compassion on the outside. I went through a similar period in my life, though probably not as bad as what you are going through. I lost faith there could be anything but loneliness, disappointment and despair. But then things changed. I found what I could only dream of. But this too will pass! That's the one certainty. As Churchill said, when going through hell, keep going!!! Sometimes we need help to do this and to be able to see above it. There is no shame in that and if we look hard enough, the right help can be found.

It ain't easy, but giving up is far far worse.

All the best!!!
_/|\_
davide-bujalski
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Re: I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Post by davide-bujalski »

Hello,
i hope between2paths is still alive,i am sorry for him.I will send a small Metta Meditation for
him tomorrow.
with Metta
:anjali:
Shaswata_Panja
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Re: I feel so alone and have no courage to face life

Post by Shaswata_Panja »

simplest advice...donot see porn or masturbate or fantasize about sex or have sex--total Brahmacharya...the energy will erupt..then slowly work towards meditation..cut down or cut out TV , Radio, Internet,Music, Youtube,Smartphones and even newspapers and magazines..concentrate on your work or life..if you are unemployed start out as a dishwasher..things will start cheering up...do it for the next 12 years...(absolutely no ejaculation/female orgasm ...if done then fast for a day or three) and you will be fairly rich, contented, successful, find your dream girl, get married and have kids and give them education.....that is a good goal to aim for....cut out the very theoretical part of most religions...just concentrate on the bare bones,,,if you are Buddhist..just be contented with the Dhammapada (There are equivalent versions in Chinese and Tibetan Mahyana and Vajrayana scriptures I guess--Tan Poh and Udana Varga)...If you are Hindu concentrate on the Bhagavad Gita (the Radha Krishnan version of both the Dhammapada and Gita are good at 208 pages and 389 pages respectively..Raghavan Iyer also did a good Dhammapada)---if you are Christian concentrate only on the New Testament..if you are Muslim then concentrate on the Quran,,,,,and stay strictly within that one book...its very easy to be distracted by theological questions and spending hours and days and years descending down the rabbit hole at the cost of your normal life goals...But yes most important thing is the Brahmacharya---donot forksake it..absolutely NO---go and join No Fap on reddit and you may log on once every month to read inspiring posts...thats the simplest way you rebuild your life...and yes donot waste too much time reading too many inspiring biographies..as I said that barebones approach is the best..Time is very very limited to make something of life..you may read The Practice of Brahmacharya by Swami Shivananda

(Because of your supreme sexual continence and chastity and celibacy, wet dreams will happen--donot get worked up about them..if you do Mula Bandha and Maha Bandha and Kumbhaka meditation..they will eventually stop or become very rare)


that's it the bare minimum but extremely difficult manual as to how to rebuild Life and yes after marrying have sex only for the purpose of having children..else you should be a celibate even as a householder..you need only a few well timed male orgasms to have a big family
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