being nicer on here

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binocular
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by binocular » Mon Apr 15, 2013 6:52 pm

David N. Snyder wrote:And part of progressing in the Dhamma and as a person is to have a thicker skin, to be able to handle insults and criticisms.
There are two ways to "grow a thicker skin": skillfully, and unskillfully.

In the short term, the unskillful way is more effective; in the long term, the skillful one.
Every person we save is one less zombie to fight. -- World War Z

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Bhikkhu Pesala
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by Bhikkhu Pesala » Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:14 pm

If only everyone was as nice as me, I would never have to be nasty to anyone. :stirthepot:

The Buddha wasn't too soft on Ānanda: A Discourse on Voidness
“So, Ānanda, be friendly towards me, not hostile. When I teach Dhamma seeking your welfare, give ear and exert your mind to understand. This will lead to your welfare and happiness for a long time. I shall not treat you as the potter treats the unbaked pot. Repeatedly restraining you, I will speak to you Ānanda. Repeatedly admonishing you, I will speak to you Ānanda. The sound core will stand the test.”
It is really a forlorn hope that everyone on a Buddhist forum will always be nice. Even in monasteries, some people can be quite difficult, or downright obnoxious. That's life — deal with it. Or, just report a post if you feel it oversteps the mark.
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reflection
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by reflection » Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:25 pm

Mr Man wrote:I think a call to be nicer is a good call.
:anjali:

When I first came across this forum, I saw it had a lot of hard headed opinions and was unsure of participating. So I think this topic is a good one, because it really can go quite rough here. I mean, having an opinion is one thing, sticking to it is another thing, but the way certain people keep hold of theirs is bordering wrong speech at times, and simply not helpful at best. Sometimes it seems like people post their opinion only to make it stronger for themselves.

It may also be the kind of people that are attracted to Theravada Buddhism are less considerate with others. Just sayin'. I know I used to be, I can admit that.

That having said, it is also the limit of internet communication. I try to be openhearted here with the best intentions to everybody, but somebody who reads some of my posts with a mindset of duality, may not see it this way.

Still, it's not all wrong because it is a beautiful forum with beautiful people.

So that just leaves me with:

With metta, :console:
Reflection
Last edited by reflection on Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Anagarika
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by Anagarika » Mon Apr 15, 2013 8:26 pm

It's interesting to me, being a member on both Dhamma Wheel and Dharma Wheel the difference in tone at times, between the two. I enjoy and respect both tremendously. I have my own thoughts as to why there may be differences in tone, having studied/practiced in both Dhamma and Dharma. I still come back to the idea of trying to maintain Metta (goodwill) and an effort at right speech, with others. I'm guilty of being snarky at times, and for that I'm not always pleased with my performance. It's always my hope that new folks come to these forums and find a welcoming environment, just as out Hindu friend arrived today seeking input. I'd hate to think that someone new came to DW seeking advice, counsel or a kalyana mitta and met a nasty exchange over anatta. :)

Sadge
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by Sadge » Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:01 pm

SDC, post count and join time on an Internet forum have nothing to do with how much you know and have experienced the Dhamma.

I'm a newbie and was surprised how harsh this place is considering it is full of Buddhists! I like things being harsh and not sugar coating things.... And there is that here, but imho there are also posts that seem to just give the posters opinion in an unnecessarily rude way. It's opinionated, thats my main opinion ;-)

Plus a lot of people do get scared off by harsh words and the OP is right,this is the main theravada forum, we all have a responsibility to be kind.

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SDC
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by SDC » Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:21 pm

Sadge wrote:SDC, post count and join time on an Internet forum have nothing to do with how much you know and have experienced the Dhamma.
Haha! Please calibrate your sarcasm meter. I thought I made it obvious that I was making a joke. Wow.

Sadge
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by Sadge » Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:23 pm

Oh no! Sorry! Damn Internet, I just did not get that! Fail.

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reflection
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by reflection » Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:37 pm

Haha, that's the limitations of internet communication right there. :heart:

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SDC
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by SDC » Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:02 pm

Sadge wrote:Oh no! Sorry! Damn Internet, I just did not get that! Fail.
No worries. Serves me right for being obnoxious.

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BlackBird
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by BlackBird » Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:48 pm

reflection wrote:Haha, that's the limitations of internet communication right there. :heart:
Too true. :goodpost:
"For a disciple who has conviction in the Teacher's message & lives to penetrate it, what accords with the Dhamma is this:
'The Blessed One is the Teacher, I am a disciple. He is the one who knows, not I." - MN. 70 Kitagiri Sutta

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Reductor
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by Reductor » Tue Apr 16, 2013 2:48 am

BuddhaSoup wrote:It's interesting to me, being a member on both Dhamma Wheel and Dharma Wheel the difference in tone at times, between the two. I enjoy and respect both tremendously. I have my own thoughts as to why there may be differences in tone, having studied/practiced in both Dhamma and Dharma. I still come back to the idea of trying to maintain Metta (goodwill) and an effort at right speech, with others. I'm guilty of being snarky at times, and for that I'm not always pleased with my performance. It's always my hope that new folks come to these forums and find a welcoming environment, just as out Hindu friend arrived today seeking input. I'd hate to think that someone new came to DW seeking advice, counsel or a kalyana mitta and met a nasty exchange over anatta. :)
I don't use Dharmawheel. Is it a friendlier place, overall?

If it is, that's interesting. Is the tone affected by the wider net that is cast, which includes many Buddhist schools/branches?

As to new members being hammered on 'anatta': I've seen that happen. (and think I might even be guilty of doing that myself :( )

binocular
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by binocular » Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:13 am

Reductor wrote:As to new members being hammered on 'anatta'
It's strange that this should be such a disputed topic; and that otherwise perfectly nice and lovely people can turn really mean once they start talking about anatta ...

:alien:
Every person we save is one less zombie to fight. -- World War Z

Reductor
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by Reductor » Tue Apr 16, 2013 4:56 am

binocular wrote:
Reductor wrote:As to new members being hammered on 'anatta'
It's strange that this should be such a disputed topic; and that otherwise perfectly nice and lovely people can turn really mean once they start talking about anatta ...

:alien:
For many Theravadins, anatta is the teaching that sets this school apart from all the rest, so of course those that fail to respect it will be ridden hard.

That doesn't mean they should be, though.

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Doshin
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Re: being nicer on here

Post by Doshin » Tue Apr 16, 2013 8:16 am

reflection wrote:Haha, that's the limitations of internet communication right there. :heart:
Indeed.

While reflecting on the subject, I started to think about when/how a post gets not-nice.
- the poster intentionally want to write a rude/not-nice post
- the poster is unaware that his/her writing comes out rude/not-nice
- the reader misread the posting, and reads it as rude/not-nice

I almost never see examples ( that could be one of my delusion ;) ) on the first. I think one of the other options is most likely; try to confront the writer, that one think is not-nice, and you would most likely get a apologetic reply, stating that that was not the intention.

If one builds a delusion, that a topic is rude, hence the poster is rude, one has planted a seed for own dukkha. Off course there is a (small) chance that the writer wants to be rude, and hurt others; those writings/people I would silently ignore, and include them in my metta, as they have to live with the bad khamma they build for them self.

Just some thoughts from my contemplations, I will continue to "measure" the topic in regards to hate/greed/delusion and their sources...

_/\_
Knowing about dhamma, does not imply knowing dhamma

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Re: being nicer on here

Post by Dinsdale » Tue Apr 16, 2013 9:01 am

alan... wrote:... i've also seen a lot of people join who seem to get ripped up by old heads when they have a differing opinion or are simply incorrect on a topic or statement, then they seem to disappear shortly thereafter.
Yes, I see this happen from time to time on Buddhist forums, and it's a shame that newbies are sometimes put off. On the plus side there are a number of different Buddhist forums and I think most people find one where they feel at home.
Buddha save me from new-agers!

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