thom wrote:Hi all,
excuse my ignorance here but since ive been meditating (samatha) on a regular basis i.e every night. Ive found ive been faced with a lot of traumas related to my past. Its bloody scary and ive had terrible anxiety and even started questioning my relationship with my wife and issues that i have tried to ignore. Its feels like something inside me is brewing and if i dont deal with it i will explode. Ive been in tears at times.
Im wondering that maybe this is part of a healing process, can you give me your thoughts?
something similar happened to me, all I could do was bear with it.
It did eventually culminate quite peaceably but even stopping meditation for a while didn't stop the panic attacks... I went through.
Try focusing on one thought at a time and look at how stressful it is, asking why you should take it as your own, or why it is relevant to the present? bring to mind the opposite qualities and memories that show why something is as it is now, and your own (and anyone else involved in the memories) good qualities, and why do remember why you are practicing. This may assist you.
For me it was a healing process and I found this text to be useful upon reflection.
attending to another theme... scrutinizing the drawbacks of those thoughts... paying no mind and paying no attention to those thoughts... attending to the relaxing of thought-fabrication with regard to those thoughts... beating down, constraining and crushing his mind with his awareness... steadies his mind right within, settles it, unifies it and concentrates it
Blog, Suttas, Aj Chah, Facebook.
He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.John Stuart Mill