I've noticed that painful memories seem to last longer than happy ones. They are stronger in my thoughts and dreams. So when my mind wanders, whether asleep or awake, it often comes across a painful memory which makes me angry or anxious. And yet very rarely does my mind wander across a happy memory. It is in fact very easy to forget happy moments and very difficult to forget moments of suffering. Even if I try to think of a happy memory and find one, it does not have the same emotional impact as thinking of a painful memory.
Is this true for everyone, what is the cause of this problem, and what would the Buddha have said about it? Why does the mind seem to collect painful memories and disregard happy ones?
Even if I consciously try to stop dwelling on painful memories -- there are quite a lot of them -- even if I think, "There is no past or future, only the present," or "There is no self. So, this memory is not of me, but is simply like a dream," it does not go away or only goes away temporarily; it feels like a physical sensation.
Painful memories.
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- BubbaBuddhist
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Re: Painful memories.
I think this is typical of a depressed personality or someone going through depression. Mind has anxious or depressed feelings so it looks for "hooks" to hang them on. The more intense the feelings, the more painful the memories Mind will dredge up. Sometimes in issues involving mind and emotion, it's hard to tell which is the cart and which is the horse.
J
J
Author of Redneck Buddhism: or Will You Reincarnate as Your Own Cousin?
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Re: Painful memories.
That is a good explanation, but how can a person be mindful of anxiety before it has hooked onto a certain memory and remove these hooks once they are there?Bubbabuddhist wrote:I think this is typical of a depressed personality or someone going through depression. Mind has anxious or depressed feelings so it looks for "hooks" to hang them on. The more intense the feelings, the more painful the memories Mind will dredge up. Sometimes in issues involving mind and emotion, it's hard to tell which is the cart and which is the horse.
J
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Re: Painful memories.
The Breath, just do the practice, and the concentration helps with the depression, although painful memories tend to linger longer than happier ones anyway, it is just how we dwell with them which makes them a problem.Individual wrote:That is a good explanation, but how can a person be mindful of anxiety before it has hooked onto a certain memory and remove these hooks once they are there?Bubbabuddhist wrote:I think this is typical of a depressed personality or someone going through depression. Mind has anxious or depressed feelings so it looks for "hooks" to hang them on. The more intense the feelings, the more painful the memories Mind will dredge up. Sometimes in issues involving mind and emotion, it's hard to tell which is the cart and which is the horse.
J
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He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.
John Stuart Mill
He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that. His reasons may be good, and no one may have been able to refute them.
But if he is equally unable to refute the reasons on the opposite side, if he does not so much as know what they are, he has no ground for preferring either opinion …
...
He must be able to hear them from persons who actually believe them … he must know them in their most plausible and persuasive form.
John Stuart Mill
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Re: Painful memories.
I can really relate to that. So much so, that I hardly have a good suggestion. At the elevated times, it does manifest like a physical sensation.Individual wrote:Even if I consciously try to stop dwelling on painful memories -- there are quite a lot of them -- even if I think, "There is no past or future, only the present," or "There is no self. So, this memory is not of me, but is simply like a dream," it does not go away or only goes away temporarily; it feels like a physical sensation.
For me, being mindful of anxiety-stuffs or those painful memories/experiences/mind activities involves remaining aware of them, and letting them be like a cloud passing through the sky. And reminding myself that they always do pass. It's almost like respecting their right to wiggle in for a while. Fighting it always makes it worse for me and compounds the problem.
Best wishes,
Laura
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Re: Painful memories.
Greetings Individual,
Often memories resurface because there's something unresolved about them... observing them mindfully, see if you can find their origin and their cessation.
Be careful not to attach to these memories or identify with them... remember everything that is not-self. Identification will lead to papanca and that papanca (particularly of this depressing kind) will lead to suffering.
Metta,
Retro.
Often memories resurface because there's something unresolved about them... observing them mindfully, see if you can find their origin and their cessation.
Be careful not to attach to these memories or identify with them... remember everything that is not-self. Identification will lead to papanca and that papanca (particularly of this depressing kind) will lead to suffering.
Metta,
Retro.
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
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Re: Painful memories.
Nothing seems to be unresolved about these, because the situations are far into the past and re-appear, almost of their own volition, from time-to-time, during casual acts of self-reflection. The anxiety and distress, as someone pointed out, exists before the memory appears, and the memory is simply a "hook" for the emotion to latch onto. That is, emotions are by nature situational. For every feeling there is, it is directed towards a certain object; a person feels a certain way always about something. But when there is an emotion present or arising that isn't related to something, it searches for something to relate itself to. This is different from the types of emotions that arise in reaction to physical circumstances.retrofuturist wrote:Greetings Individual,
Often memories resurface because there's something unresolved about them... observing them mindfully, see if you can find their origin and their cessation.
Thinking about non-identification does not remove the habitual identification, because it has been developed for so long and is deeply ingrained. To a very large degree, suffering and ignorance seems to be unavoidable. Overcoming both and understanding the mind is the greatest mystery of all and easier said than done. Because what stands in the way of new action is the view of a self ("I cannot do that new action, because I am this," is fixed, but there is the possibility for new action, when there is the thought, "I can do that new action, because I am not that,"). However, the mental recognition of the non-existence of self is not the same as the experience, which is like swimming through a tsunami, climbing a mountain, or taming not simply a monkey or a wild horse, but taming a huge monster with many heads and many faces, like a hydra.retrofuturist wrote: Be careful not to attach to these memories or identify with them... remember everything that is not-self. Identification will lead to papanca and that papanca (particularly of this depressing kind) will lead to suffering.
So, a person can walk around saying they are a Buddhist and meditating, but not much changes, unless they put forth that rare, unexplainable effort in every situation -- an effort which arises from beneath the conscious mind -- or unless they find themselves lucky enough to be in circumstances conducive to awareness. And even the slightest lack of vigilance against sensual desire makes any discipline which follows worthless, because even the subtle entertaining of sensuality -- delight in food, the warmth of a shower, the feel of one's pet dog, or the sound of one's mother's voice -- this lays the foundation for the more gross and painful forms of sensuality, such as laziness and drug-use.
- retrofuturist
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Re: Painful memories.
Greetings Individual,
Sometimes simple happiness can be the basis of kusala mindstates.
Metta,
Retro.
I see your point, but it's not all or nothing... especially so the further from liberation you are.Individual wrote:And even the slightest lack of vigilance against sensual desire makes any discipline which follows worthless, because even the subtle entertaining of sensuality -- delight in food, the warmth of a shower, the feel of one's pet dog, or the sound of one's mother's voice -- this lays the foundation for the more gross and painful forms of sensuality, such as laziness and drug-use.
Sometimes simple happiness can be the basis of kusala mindstates.
Metta,
Retro.
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."