Hi Zom,Zom wrote:Manasikara's adivce is worth listening to (in my opinion). So I agree totally.
I've been practising quite seriously for 5 years (actually from the very first day I discovered Dhamma). And I'm still married (since 2002), I have a wife and daughter. And "as I know and see it", up till now, even living in a family, I managed to decrease lust a lot through constant practice of the Noble Eightfold Path. I had numerous sensual attachments, including sexual, and I weakened them much. So I can even make a small lion roar like "Yea, it really works!!".
But one thing I would add about getting rid of addiction to sexual things... Once lust will occupy your mind - observe it carefully, and do this in such a way, so you see extreme suffering in it (and indeed, it is really painful, this sexual lust). Then do whatever you want to have a relief (of course, in the frames of 5 precepts). Time will come, and your mind will incline to sexual things less and less and less - because it will instinctly know that this is suffering-suffering-suffering. These are not just words or some bare ideas - this is my actual experience. And that's why, for example, right now at the present moment, I feel it easy to keep 8 precepts for, lets say, 2-3 months continuously. Five years ago I would be 100% sure that this is just an impossibility. But as it turned out - The Blessed One was right - once again..
Ow, and one more thing - if you are going to find a girlfriend, then there might be a problem for you to practise "fading away of lust" simply because your girl won't understand it ,) So the only options here are: 1) find a Dhamma-practising girl, or at least a wise one (hard to find, indeed) 2) drop this idea to find a girl
I hope this isn't an intrusive question -- but you mention being married, and I'm wondering if your wife is a "Dhamma-practicing girl"? How does she feel about your keeping the 8 precepts for two to three month intervals? If she objected to this practice, what would you do?
Also, do you feel that women are generally less "wise" than men? My own observation is that men like to blame their existential suffering on women, though the actual source of trouble is often our old friend, Reality. It seems to me this tendency exists in all the patriarchal religions, including Buddhism to a degree.