should I marry or be single?

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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SDC
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by SDC »

Sam Vara wrote: Wed Nov 20, 2019 6:26 pm
SDC wrote: Wed Nov 20, 2019 5:45 pm Is that not what depression amounts to? Having the ability to see the broader context but suffering as a result of not knowing what to do with the knowledge?
:thumbsup:
Beautiful point. Mentally bookmarked!
:twothumbsup:
binocular
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by binocular »

SDC wrote: Wed Nov 20, 2019 5:45 pmSure, but if the broader nature of "not going with the program" is unclear, they may just sit and suffer for having lost the ability to surrender. Is that not what depression amounts to? Having the ability to see the broader context but suffering as a result of not knowing what to do with the knowledge?
Sure.
If you can't build with them, don't chill with them.
Cortadew
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Cortadew »

Digity wrote: Sun Nov 17, 2019 5:56 pm I wonder how many people who become Buddhist or are attracted to Buddhism do so because they feel they've been rejected when it comes to the social aspect of life and find solace in the solitary aspect of Buddhist practice. I think the risk there is you're ignoring the underlying issues that lead to your social rejection, such as low self-esteem, etc. I don't think one's practice is going to be very smooth though if you have those underlying issues.
Or try to force celibacy on themselves out of arrogance thinking (correctly) that sexual desire is for the lesser man. I've seen that a lot on this forums.
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manas
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by manas »

binocular wrote: Wed Nov 20, 2019 3:09 pm
No_Mind wrote: Wed Nov 20, 2019 5:52 amThe problem is the bottom 90% of the women in the age of Instagram and Facebook have come to believe they also have a right to top 10% men. Cleopatra's chambermaid too wants to marry Caesar!
Why should that be a problem? Why shouldn't they want that?

Like you say:
Above all, don't ever short change yourself. Being yourself is the only way you can be confident and happy.
For at least some women, this means aiming high when it comes to choice of partner/spouse.
Perhaps 'aiming high' could also mean seeking out a mate who is moral, kind and won't tear one's heart out? I assume some women might want a guy who treats them well, or is wealth so much more important?
To the Buddha-refuge i go; to the Dhamma-refuge i go; to the Sangha-refuge i go.
ricardos
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by ricardos »

I have same problems in relationships. In my case, I prefer to be single.
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cappuccino
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by cappuccino »

Buddha wrote:Of all longings and desires, there is none as strong as sex. Sexual desire has no equal. Fortunately, it is one of a kind. If there were something else like it, no one in the entire world would be able to cultivate the Way.
:shrug:
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Bunks
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Bunks »

Is this a vote?

If so, I say single :smile:
Stop thinking and start living!
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Ceisiwr
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Ceisiwr »

If you want Nibbana in this very life you should be single.
"Analysis and synthesis are praised by the wise,
liberation in the Sāsana comes from analysis and synthesis;
the purpose of the method of analysis and synthesis is the ultimate"


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confusedlayman
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman »

Ceisiwr wrote: Sat Feb 15, 2020 3:36 pm If you want Nibbana in this very life you should be single.
Yes I want in this life. Buddha also had wife and kids and attained nibbana in same life so I am thinking if this is case for me?
dont think
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Ceisiwr
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Ceisiwr »

confusedlayman wrote: Wed Feb 19, 2020 2:28 am
Ceisiwr wrote: Sat Feb 15, 2020 3:36 pm If you want Nibbana in this very life you should be single.
Yes I want in this life. Buddha also had wife and kids and attained nibbana in same life so I am thinking if this is case for me?

Buddha also left them behind and became a homeless wanderer.
"Analysis and synthesis are praised by the wise,
liberation in the Sāsana comes from analysis and synthesis;
the purpose of the method of analysis and synthesis is the ultimate"


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Aloka
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Aloka »

Ceisiwr wrote: Wed Feb 19, 2020 6:39 am
confusedlayman wrote: Wed Feb 19, 2020 2:28 am
Ceisiwr wrote: Sat Feb 15, 2020 3:36 pm If you want Nibbana in this very life you should be single.
Yes I want in this life. Buddha also had wife and kids and attained nibbana in same life so I am thinking if this is case for me?

Buddha also left them behind and became a homeless wanderer.
Life in Iron Age India 2,500 years ago was very different to life in the western world in 21st century. The romantic idea of a "homeless wanderer" seeking Enlightenment isn't practical in the modern world. The reality is one would probably end up sleeping in shop doorways and under bridges, begging for money on a high street pavement, getting beaten up by aggressive men, and becoming physically ill and mentally disturbed.



.
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Ceisiwr
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Ceisiwr »

Aloka wrote: Wed Feb 19, 2020 9:57 am
Ceisiwr wrote: Wed Feb 19, 2020 6:39 am
confusedlayman wrote: Wed Feb 19, 2020 2:28 am

Yes I want in this life. Buddha also had wife and kids and attained nibbana in same life so I am thinking if this is case for me?

Buddha also left them behind and became a homeless wanderer.
Life in Iron Age India 2,500 years ago was very different to life in the western world in 21st century. The romantic idea of a "homeless wanderer" seeking Enlightenment isn't practical in the modern world. The reality is one would probably end up sleeping in shop doorways and under bridges, begging for money on a high street pavement, getting beaten up by aggressive men, and becoming physically ill and mentally disturbed.



.

I’m not advocating to literally become homeless and live on the streets, but if someone wants Nibbana they should be single and celibate. If they are a layperson they can live alone, otherwise they can ordain.
"Analysis and synthesis are praised by the wise,
liberation in the Sāsana comes from analysis and synthesis;
the purpose of the method of analysis and synthesis is the ultimate"


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cappuccino
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by cappuccino »

confusedlayman wrote: Buddha also had wife and kids and attained nibbana in same life
he probably was single… contrary to the story later written

:shrug:
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Ceisiwr
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Ceisiwr »

cappuccino wrote: Wed Feb 19, 2020 10:43 pm
confusedlayman wrote: Buddha also had wife and kids and attained nibbana in same life
he probably was single… contrary to the story later written

:shrug:

Coming from a wealthy family and in the right caste he would have been married by 29. He probably slept with a lot of women before leaving home too.
"Analysis and synthesis are praised by the wise,
liberation in the Sāsana comes from analysis and synthesis;
the purpose of the method of analysis and synthesis is the ultimate"


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cappuccino
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by cappuccino »

Ceisiwr wrote: He probably slept with a lot of women before leaving home too.
of all people… he would be asexual
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