should I marry or be single?

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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Pondera
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Pondera » Mon Oct 07, 2019 5:00 am

Why can’t you have sex? Are you physically unable? You say you use your hand. So erections and orgasms aren’t the problem. Is it a precept? Just curious.
What is “rupa” Jhāna? Here are four simple meditations on earth, water, fire, and wind - leading to tranquility and pleasure, rapture and equanimity - peacehttps://drive.google.com/open?id=1sdgpi ... hIz3wgz7ep

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Aloka
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Aloka » Mon Oct 07, 2019 7:20 am

DooDoot wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 12:27 am
In Dhamma, a woman is not a sex slave. If you don't want to have children, you should have a vasectomy and honestly inform any woman you meet you have had a vasectomy and do not want to have children. Then you will find the suitable marriage partner according to Dhamma; i.e., if you can actually find a woman that in her heart of hearts does not want to have children.

:goodpost:


.

confusedlayman
Posts: 380
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2019 12:16 am

Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman » Mon Oct 07, 2019 10:34 am

Pondera wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 5:00 am
Why can’t you have sex? Are you physically unable? You say you use your hand. So erections and orgasms aren’t the problem. Is it a precept? Just curious.
I can use my own hand which is reduced week by week but my mind automatically says no if it involves someone other person. I think I dont like other person touching my part or I can't handle the guilt after I have. even using my hand, I feel awkward these days. I think negative mindset or feeling comes after I do so better I dont do and restrain as much as possible.
non-agitation is highest peace
living unaffected by other cause and condition to suffering is true bliss
not associating with stupid people is immediate peace
- CL (confused layman)

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Alīno
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Alīno » Mon Oct 07, 2019 11:43 am

Wise shame is a very good quality, it's like an alarm in our houses, you can loose your awareness but the wise shame will be here to wake up you and prevent from unwhilesome action.
This quality is a sight of right practice.
Upāsaka Alīno - free from attachement and desire, undettered, one who perseveres, one who never gives up..._/\_

Dan74
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Dan74 » Mon Oct 07, 2019 8:51 pm

Nwad wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 11:43 am
Wise shame is a very good quality, it's like an alarm in our houses, you can loose your awareness but the wise shame will be here to wake up you and prevent from unwhilesome action.
This quality is a sight of right practice.
I think you are seriously wrong here, Nwad.

I think our friend, the OP, is very far from wise sublime states, where such cravings are consciously abandoned. Instead he is getting further confused by the Dhamma teachings that are not yet suitable for him.

First get the basics sorted before going into the deeper stuff.
_/|\_

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Alīno
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Alīno » Tue Oct 08, 2019 1:37 am

Dan74 wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 8:51 pm
Nwad wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 11:43 am
Wise shame is a very good quality, it's like an alarm in our houses, you can loose your awareness but the wise shame will be here to wake up you and prevent from unwhilesome action.
This quality is a sight of right practice.
I think you are seriously wrong here, Nwad.

I think our friend, the OP, is very far from wise sublime states, where such cravings are consciously abandoned. Instead he is getting further confused by the Dhamma teachings that are not yet suitable for him.

First get the basics sorted before going into the deeper stuff.
Yes, may be he is confused in his practice, but he is aware of that... and that's why he have wisdom quality.
I see wisdom quality in him because he can see things arise and fall in his mind (sati), he can identify things that happen as they are (dicernement, it means that mind is enought clear and calm) and he tell us about them openly (equanimity), he don't hide them (morality), also he asks many (energy) questions (investigation of phenomena)...

So for me , his confusion comes from his "impatience" and "restlessness". Why? Because he can't bear dukkha, and he want results right now... So I see him as someone who weakened up in prison and want to go out, so he screams, cryes and strike the walls... But after some time he will stop panic, and these awakening factors of mindfulness, investimation, energy, will develop more joy, calm, concentration and equanimity and find the way to awakening and freedom... I can mistake of coarse, just my perception...

By saying "wise shame" I thinked about "hiri ottapa", this quality is a good quality, it prevent us from wrong doing :anjali:

But what is sure is that we should be carefull while giving instructions on the internet...
Upāsaka Alīno - free from attachement and desire, undettered, one who perseveres, one who never gives up..._/\_

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Pondera
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Pondera » Tue Oct 08, 2019 5:06 am

confusedlayman wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 10:34 am
Pondera wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 5:00 am
Why can’t you have sex? Are you physically unable? You say you use your hand. So erections and orgasms aren’t the problem. Is it a precept? Just curious.
I can use my own hand which is reduced week by week but my mind automatically says no if it involves someone other person. I think I dont like other person touching my part or I can't handle the guilt after I have. even using my hand, I feel awkward these days. I think negative mindset or feeling comes after I do so better I dont do and restrain as much as possible.
Do you know this for sure? Are you a virgin?
What is “rupa” Jhāna? Here are four simple meditations on earth, water, fire, and wind - leading to tranquility and pleasure, rapture and equanimity - peacehttps://drive.google.com/open?id=1sdgpi ... hIz3wgz7ep

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DooDoot
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by DooDoot » Tue Oct 08, 2019 5:17 am

Nwad wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 2:44 am
my ex "perferct" girlfriend dant wanted childrens....
As suggested, have a vasectomy. It sounds like your "ex" was merely mimicking you (which is common enough) yet "accidents" ( ;) ) can happen.
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/paticcasamuppada
https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/anapanasati

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Alīno
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Alīno » Tue Oct 08, 2019 6:14 am

DooDoot wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 5:17 am
As suggested, have a vasectomy. It sounds like your "ex" was merely mimicking you (which is common enough) yet "accidents" ( ) can happen.
Hello Doodoot :)

No need chirurgical vasectomy ;) My vasectomy is spiritual (precept) ^^ But when I used to indulge in sensual pleasures I reflected on cherurgical intervention, but as my ex taked pills so it was ok. But you are right, accidents happen too often... :(
Upāsaka Alīno - free from attachement and desire, undettered, one who perseveres, one who never gives up..._/\_

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DooDoot
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by DooDoot » Tue Oct 08, 2019 6:20 am

Nwad wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 6:14 am
my ex taked pills so it was ok. But you are right, accidents happen too often...
I doubt any man can safely rely on a lady's pills; let alone a young Cultural Marxist Brainwashed Feminist claiming she dant want kiddies.... :roll:
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/paticcasamuppada
https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/anapanasati

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Alīno
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Alīno » Tue Oct 08, 2019 6:29 am

DooDoot wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 6:20 am
I doubt any man can safely rely on a lady's pills; let alone a young Cultural Marxist Brainwashed Feminist claiming she dant want kiddies....
Hahaha! :mrgreen:
You can belief me, she maybe don't wanted them as strong as I am^^ I think she was a bikkhuni, or even bhikkhu, in a past life too )) I had sex with my past life friend...my goodness ^^ :spy: :toilet: :lol:
Upāsaka Alīno - free from attachement and desire, undettered, one who perseveres, one who never gives up..._/\_

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DooDoot
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Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by DooDoot » Tue Oct 08, 2019 6:58 am

:jumping:
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/paticcasamuppada
https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/anapanasati

confusedlayman
Posts: 380
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2019 12:16 am

Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman » Tue Oct 08, 2019 11:39 am

Pondera wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 5:06 am
confusedlayman wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 10:34 am
Pondera wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 5:00 am
Why can’t you have sex? Are you physically unable? You say you use your hand. So erections and orgasms aren’t the problem. Is it a precept? Just curious.
I can use my own hand which is reduced week by week but my mind automatically says no if it involves someone other person. I think I dont like other person touching my part or I can't handle the guilt after I have. even using my hand, I feel awkward these days. I think negative mindset or feeling comes after I do so better I dont do and restrain as much as possible.
Do you know this for sure? Are you a virgin?
yes I am virgin. I never even seen girls without dress in real life I just dont prefer to see. I once saw a girl who is beautiful in that place but she wear loose cloth and when she lifted her hand, I saw her arm pit and got vomit feeling. I think mind imagined girls are more beautiful because imagination colours it profoundly but in real life, no use.
non-agitation is highest peace
living unaffected by other cause and condition to suffering is true bliss
not associating with stupid people is immediate peace
- CL (confused layman)

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Pondera
Posts: 989
Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2011 10:02 pm

Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by Pondera » Tue Oct 08, 2019 8:59 pm

confusedlayman wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 11:39 am
Pondera wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 5:06 am
confusedlayman wrote:
Mon Oct 07, 2019 10:34 am


I can use my own hand which is reduced week by week but my mind automatically says no if it involves someone other person. I think I dont like other person touching my part or I can't handle the guilt after I have. even using my hand, I feel awkward these days. I think negative mindset or feeling comes after I do so better I dont do and restrain as much as possible.
Do you know this for sure? Are you a virgin?
yes I am virgin. I never even seen girls without dress in real life I just dont prefer to see. I once saw a girl who is beautiful in that place but she wear loose cloth and when she lifted her hand, I saw her arm pit and got vomit feeling. I think mind imagined girls are more beautiful because imagination colours it profoundly but in real life, no use.
Okay. But I’m guessing you find porn attractive, right? Or maybe you prefer men? Have you ever considered that you might be gay?
What is “rupa” Jhāna? Here are four simple meditations on earth, water, fire, and wind - leading to tranquility and pleasure, rapture and equanimity - peacehttps://drive.google.com/open?id=1sdgpi ... hIz3wgz7ep

confusedlayman
Posts: 380
Joined: Fri Jun 21, 2019 12:16 am

Re: should I marry or be single?

Post by confusedlayman » Wed Oct 09, 2019 9:40 am

Pondera wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 8:59 pm
confusedlayman wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 11:39 am
Pondera wrote:
Tue Oct 08, 2019 5:06 am


Do you know this for sure? Are you a virgin?
yes I am virgin. I never even seen girls without dress in real life I just dont prefer to see. I once saw a girl who is beautiful in that place but she wear loose cloth and when she lifted her hand, I saw her arm pit and got vomit feeling. I think mind imagined girls are more beautiful because imagination colours it profoundly but in real life, no use.
Okay. But I’m guessing you find porn attractive, right? Or maybe you prefer men? Have you ever considered that you might be gay?
no im not gay. but max I went was porn but even that is not good now
non-agitation is highest peace
living unaffected by other cause and condition to suffering is true bliss
not associating with stupid people is immediate peace
- CL (confused layman)

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