Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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Sweetrosekia
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Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2018 12:12 am

Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by Sweetrosekia » Sat Sep 08, 2018 12:55 am

Hi I'm 35 newly divorced after a nine year marriage and living alone. I had a child from a previous relationship that failed after three years and I lost custody of her shortly after our separation. I tried to date again but I ended up getting sexually transmitted disease raped verbally and physically abused.i suffered mental health problems and is currently on medicine.i am so lonely and have many regrets over failed relationships I'm considering becoming buddist and remaining celibate for the rest of my life my family is not supportive of me and very negative to talk to I have no one in my life.any advice is appreciated.

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LG2V
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by LG2V » Sat Sep 08, 2018 2:11 am

Best wishes to you Sweetrosekia. Life can be tough sometimes. :hug:

I would see a therapist. Dharma practice can be beneficial, but it's more of a supplement to other therapies if you have serious problems. With that being said, there are people here who are older and wiser than me, and I'm sure that they'll be here to offer more advice soon.
Here are some excellent sites for giving free Dana (Click-Based Donation):
http://freerice.comhttp://greatergood.com/www.ripple.orgwww.thenonprofits.com

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DooDoot
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by DooDoot » Sat Sep 08, 2018 3:39 am

Hello Sweetrosekia. The Buddhist path starts with non-violence or non-harming towards oneself and others; thus being very careful when acting and with whom one associates with. In Buddhism, the refuge of safety is in the Buddha, His Teachings/Path (Dhamma) and his Community (Sangha). I generally recommend newcomers to Buddhism to attend a trustworthy Buddhist centre if they wish to learn; a centre which has a genuine atmosphere of love & safety. I think if a person has some wounds & hurts, as you have, merely a social atmosphere of love & safety can start the healing & learning process. Buddhism teaches we learn from suffering. That you have suffered and now look for another way of living is similar to what most Buddhists have experienced. Our lives are capable of rejuvenation & healing. My best wishes for you. Kind regards. :)

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Bundokji
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by Bundokji » Sat Sep 08, 2018 11:19 am

Hello Sweetrosekia,

I am sorry to know about the pain you have gone through and i hope this would be a turning point towards a happier and healthier life. If i were you, i would avoid any rash decisions about becoming celibate because this could be a reaction to the pain you experienced in your previous relationships (which is natural), but setting aside anything to do with relationships for the time being is definitely a wise decision.

The Buddha described wise companionship to be the whole of holy life, so if you can find new friends who are wise and compassionate then go for it. You will begin to notice a relationship between the quality of our friends and the quality of our own minds. Being with good and wise people improve the quality of our minds, and a well developed mind would naturally avoid evil people as it wont find anything in common with them.

Developing ones own mind is a gradual process and you can never know, maybe one day you will look back at your past experiences and realize what went wrong with your previous relationships, and then you would be in a better position to decide if having a good partner is what you want or to be celibate. At least you would be deciding from a position of wisdom and strength.

Good luck :heart:
And the Blessed One addressed the bhikkhus, saying: "Behold now, bhikkhus, I exhort you: All compounded things are subject to vanish. Strive with earnestness!"

This was the last word of the Tathagata.

dharmacorps
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by dharmacorps » Sat Sep 08, 2018 5:55 pm

Hi Sweet, sorry to hear of your hardships. It may be worth examining whether your impulse to be "Buddhist and Celibate" is to avoid your problems, or to face them head on. Buddhist is facing them head on. Monks and dedicated lay practitioners who meditate and practice well end up face to face with any difficulties they have, problems, trauma, etc. If you are ready to put an end to suffering, then it is the right path, but not easy.

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cappuccino
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by cappuccino » Wed Sep 19, 2018 2:46 am

you can rely on impermanence

you can't rely on permanence

tamdrin
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Location: Chiang Mai, Thailand

Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by tamdrin » Mon Oct 08, 2018 8:34 am

Hello,


I am sorry you have suffered and are suffering. Buddhism can be a great help in overcoming suffering. I suggest you get some basic books and study up before making any decisions to commit yourself. There are also a lot of other methods you can try in dealing with your suffering.


Best wishes...

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Manopubbangama
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Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by Manopubbangama » Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:32 pm

Sweetrosekia wrote:
Sat Sep 08, 2018 12:55 am
Hi I'm 35 newly divorced after a nine year marriage and living alone. I had a child from a previous relationship that failed after three years and I lost custody of her shortly after our separation. I tried to date again but I ended up getting sexually transmitted disease raped verbally and physically abused.i suffered mental health problems and is currently on medicine.i am so lonely and have many regrets over failed relationships I'm considering becoming buddist and remaining celibate for the rest of my life my family is not supportive of me and very negative to talk to I have no one in my life.any advice is appreciated.
Hello,

What you describe sounds absolutely terrible, and I am sorry that you are suffering from it.

I have no suggestions other than what can be found in the Suttas, as this pretty much encompasses everything.

That being said, if you have any interest in talking, you are always welcome to talk to me.

I am not a monk and only apply the following disciplinary rules to myself:

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitak ... .nara.html

There is nothing special about me at all, actually I make mistakes every day that cause me to suffer.

That being said, just reading this sutta and attempting to follow it has assuredly been for my benefit and kept me away from countless suffering that I could have encountered.

I know this is not much, especially at this terrifying moment in your life, but it just very well may be a start if you are interested in Buddhism.
Sabbe Sankhara Anicca - Sabbe Sankhara Dukkha - Sabbe Dhamma Anatta

mrgrtt123
Posts: 15
Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2018 6:45 am
Location: British Columbia

Re: Many failed relationships divorced lost custody of child and 35 years old living alone

Post by mrgrtt123 » Thu Oct 25, 2018 1:08 am

Life is not always easy, and I am sorry to hear about your relationship. I know that it won't be easy, but take some time on taking good care of yourself. Do the things that you failed to do way back when you are still in a relationship. Never get into a new relationship as I can see that you are not yet ready. If you need someone to talk too then feel free to leave a message on this forum and we will try to help you.

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