Father question

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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mario92
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Father question

Post by mario92 » Tue Jul 03, 2018 2:20 pm

Hi my father told me that i need medicine for mental illness (autism, and others) they had gone with psichologist and psychiatrics, and they had gave 2 times medicine to control the problem, i left them 3 years ago, and i was fine, but in the last days my father told me that i had to take them, they speak evil of me, surrounded by all the people such as my parents, my cousin, my father´s friends and co workers, my brothers and sisters, the neighbor. All them I think speak behind me.
That is why my parents think that I need to take medicines again and go to the doctor.
My parents are forcing me to take medication or they will intern me in a hospital.
What do you think?
I think they are liying about speaking evil of me.
What do you think about lies?

(written by father and mother and me)
Good morning, have a nice day

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rightviewftw
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Re: Father question

Post by rightviewftw » Tue Jul 03, 2018 2:31 pm

I think it is impossible to map out the best course of action without more information about the type of mental issues you are dealing with, your goals & aspirations, what kind of support and resources you have.

Ruud
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Re: Father question

Post by Ruud » Tue Jul 03, 2018 3:39 pm

As rightviewftw also said, it is very difficult to give advise without knowing your exact situation. I also think that you should be very careful taking advise about something so important from strangers on the internet. With that in mind:

You think you are fine the way things are. Your parents think you are ill. I think it is therefore for the benefit of both to visit a specialist who can diagnose whether you actually are ill or not. If you are, you can decide how to treat it, which will be surely supported by your parents. If you are not, then treatment is not needed, which your parents then also can accept since they have independent proof. So what ever the outcome, it will benefit your health and the relation with your parents.
Dry up what pertains to the past,
do not take up anything to come later.
If you will not grasp in the middle,
you will live at peace.
—Snp.5.11,v.1099 (tr. Ven. Bhikkhu Bodhi)

Whatever is will be was. —Ven. Ñānamoli, A Thinkers Notebook, §221

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altar
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Location: Great Barrington, MA

Re: Father question

Post by altar » Tue Jul 03, 2018 7:56 pm

friend,
i have experienced the same situation.
the cultivation of right view regarding this is an ongoing process.
i hope the problem resolves as swiftly as possible for you.

the development of patience and forbearance, and perhaps understanding.

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altar
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Location: Great Barrington, MA

Re: Father question

Post by altar » Tue Jul 03, 2018 8:03 pm

i do not know your situation well but the development of wholesome activities is important. if you are perceived as ill one thing you can do is cultivate health.
it is difficult when we do not know what health is, or it seems unobtainable.

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altar
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Location: Great Barrington, MA

Re: Father question

Post by altar » Tue Jul 03, 2018 8:11 pm

hospitals can be very boring and cold. they are bad for your mental health. the motivation to get out of them forces people to conform because they may not let you out without your consent. family dynamics will become very awkward and worse if you are forced to do these things against your will. you may learn patience and understanding but at the cost of peace and harmony and feeling accepted. i would advise that your family try to accept you as you are with the knowledge that if you are to truly grow up to be a healthy person it will be at your own pace.

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altar
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Re: Father question

Post by altar » Tue Jul 03, 2018 8:28 pm

one thing you can do is find some middle ground.
is there some wholesome activity that your parents would like to see from you that you would be okay doing? there may not be - because, as far as i see it- there simply aren't that many things to do in the world.

i do gardening.
but patience is necessary. you will not become a gardener over night, and you need a little land.
everyone needs to see that patience is necessary.

but it is also important that you find something you actually do like doing.
so i personally don't see the point in haphazardly just taking up any old hobby. for instance painting.
this is another reason hospitals don't work. there are two aspects to being in a hospital.
the first is that you are admitted and it is extremely boring and unpleasant.
then you will find people who may (or may not) know how to help.
this may be a counselor or an art therapist. and while you are in the hospital you will do the art, because it is so extremely boring and there is nothing else to do.
and you may end up liking painting - i did - i used to be an artist but i stopped doing art and then in the hospital i was introduced to watercolors.
but once i left the hospital my interest in water colors faded.
so you have to find an honest solution.
advice to everyone is that relaxing is ok.
it depends what your parents want out of you. if it is something concrete, like you do something active, circumnavigate the hospital and see if there is a solution outside of it.
if it is something nondescript that they are asking of you, i cannot blame you for not understanding...

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JamesTheGiant
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Re: Father question

Post by JamesTheGiant » Tue Jul 03, 2018 8:40 pm

mario92 wrote:
Tue Jul 03, 2018 2:20 pm
My parents are forcing me to take medication or they will intern me in a hospital.
How can anybody put a non-consenting adult in the hospital? Do they still have legal authority over you?
And have you considered that you may be mentally ill, and need to take the medicine? I'm not saying you are, I don't know anything about you, but paranoia and denial of a problem is a common thing amongst ill people.
Best wishes!

dharmacorps
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Re: Father question

Post by dharmacorps » Tue Jul 03, 2018 9:09 pm

Not sure about other countries, but in the US, if you are a minor, or under a conservatorship/guardianship, you can be required to take medication. In circumstances of the law being broken, you can be hospitalized temporarily.

That said, I will repeat my usual refrain on here that the open forum of the internet is a very bad place to look for advice on personal health matters, particularly psychological health matters because nobody knows your specific situation and circumstances.

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salayatananirodha
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Re: Father question

Post by salayatananirodha » Wed Jul 04, 2018 4:17 am

16. 'In what has the world originated?' — so said the Yakkha Hemavata, — 'with what is the world intimate? by what is the world afflicted, after having grasped at what?' (167)

17. 'In six the world has originated, O Hemavata,' — so said Bhagavat, — 'with six it is intimate, by six the world is afflicted, after having grasped at six.' (168)

- Hemavatasutta


links:
https://www.ancient-buddhist-texts.net/index.htm
http://thaiforestwisdom.org/canonical-texts/
http://seeingthroughthenet.net/
https://www.dhammatalks.org/index.html

Laurens
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Location: Norfolk, England

Re: Father question

Post by Laurens » Wed Jul 04, 2018 5:35 am

mario92 wrote:
Tue Jul 03, 2018 2:20 pm
Hi my father told me that i need medicine for mental illness (autism, and others) they had gone with psichologist and psychiatrics, and they had gave 2 times medicine to control the problem, i left them 3 years ago, and i was fine, but in the last days my father told me that i had to take them, they speak evil of me, surrounded by all the people such as my parents, my cousin, my father´s friends and co workers, my brothers and sisters, the neighbor. All them I think speak behind me.
That is why my parents think that I need to take medicines again and go to the doctor.
My parents are forcing me to take medication or they will intern me in a hospital.
What do you think?
I think they are liying about speaking evil of me.
What do you think about lies?

(written by father and mother and me)
Are you sure that your friends and family are speaking 'evil' of you behind your back? You haven't told us much about your psychiatric issues, but paranoia is a common symptom of some mental health issues.

What evil things do you think they say behind your back?

I think your parents and friends love you and are very worried because you think they are doing evil behind your back. I think they are doing what they can to try to get you the help that they think you need.

I don't know the extent of your mental illness, but I don't think you have given the full picture here. I think you should try going along with treatment. I have a friend who suffers from schizophrenia and also has paranoia about the mental health system and medication. From my perspective every time he has gone off his medication in the past his condition has deteriorated and more often than not he has ended up using drugs and alcohol instead and getting into a far worse place (often ending up in the back of a police car, then in a mental health institution). He is tangibly improved in terms of his stability and competence when he is being medicated. It does work for a lot of people, and it can help. Side effects etc. can be discussed with your doctor, they might be able to alter your dosage or try something different if one thing does not work.

The main thing to understand is that they are not conspiring behind your back in some evil sense, they may talk about you because they are worried, and because they love you, but that does not mean they are doing evil. They care about you and want to help you.
"If only it were all so simple! If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being. And who is willing to destroy a piece of his own heart?"

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

mario92
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Location: My house

Re: Father question

Post by mario92 » Wed Jul 04, 2018 6:49 pm

Well, it is not about much about paranoia, but i have bad kamma from being criticised, which is difficult to accept from family side, i asked my father and mother if they wanted to ask some buddhist, and they ended making this assumptions about me, (because the lenght of time i took) in reality buddhism was what had helped me but they are deluded) they are obsessed with psychiatric side but they are not interested in my religion, even though i had been free from them from 3 years, ended school, and was able to do many good things, sleep well, etc, the material side of money is punching me. The buddha said that nothing is for ever, not even suffering, when they tell you that you have certain illness people run off the mill will anoy me or any other forever. I had heard 2 monks and one nun said that is curable, and is veryfiable i had and others had done so, and i agree with them i had been free from them from 3 years, i dont have to ask anyone to say that this is true. Someone please lock this, i apologize for anoying you.
Good morning, have a nice day

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mikenz66
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Location: Aotearoa, New Zealand

Re: Father question

Post by mikenz66 » Wed Jul 04, 2018 7:26 pm

Keep positive Mario!

Best wishes and metta.

:heart:
Mike

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