https://www.theaustralian.com.au/life/h ... 6d3466f56c
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The abyss of solitude[/b]
’A recent Lifeline Australia survey reveals that 60 per cent of people here suffer crushing loneliness at some time in their lives’.
’A recent Lifeline Australia survey reveals that 60 per cent of people here suffer crushing loneliness at some time in their lives’.
RUTH OSTROW
AN HOUR AGO JANUARY 28, 2019
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On a recent trip to Mexico I searched in vain for a quiet room in a homestay so I could get a little work done.
People kept talking to me as a I laboured. And outside they were dangling out of windows, screaming at each other. The streets were alive with music and celebration as neighbours sat on their steamy balconies, laughing.
It reminded me of Cuba and India, countries where mandatory interaction with old and young in the one house or street is the norm.
I’d always thought it would be impossible to live like this — with no privacy. But it occurred to me in Mexico that these people were a lot happier than many in the First World, not despite but because of their intense interactions.
Statistics on the loneliness epidemic in the Western world are alarming. In Britain — where more than nine million people report they often or always feel lonely — a minister for loneliness was appointed last year.
More than 60 million people in the US — 20 per cent of the nation — feel lonely and have no one with whom to discuss important things.
A recent Lifeline Australia survey reveals that 60 per cent of people here suffer crushing loneliness at some time in their lives — and the phenomenon is growing rapidly, causing significant health and social issues and contributing to our rising suicide rate.
A study of loneliness and wellbeing by Melbourne’s Swinburne University and the Australian Psychological Society found more than one-fifth of Australians rarely or never feel they have someone to talk to or turn to for help; more than one-quarter feel lonely on at least three days every week.
Almost one in three Australians does not consider themselves part of a friendship group. Almost half feel disconnected from their neighbours.
This social isolation occurs equally with men and women.
Chronic loneliness leads to disease and can shorten life expectancy. The research found loneliness increases the chances of an earlier death by 26 per cent. It’s shown to increase the concentration of cortisol levels in the body, as well as stress hormones, which can cause anxiety, heart disease, depression, digestive problems and stroke.
People with friends and loved ones are healthier and happier, according to Australian research from the Flinders Centre for Ageing Studies. The longevity of those with a large network of friends is 22 per cent higher compared with those with the fewest friends.
The Australian Loneliness Report found married Australians over 65 or those in de facto relationships are the least lonely and the most healthy.
So why do we feel lonelier, and what can we do about it?
The why is twofold. It’s about the gap between how we are built to live and how we actually live.
Humans are social animals and genetically programmed to live in proximity to defend each other against predators. We are also crafted to pair-bond and live in communities to raise offspring. Many human emotions contrive to keep us in this structure. Shame comes from a fear of social disapproval and the dread of being cast out to die; and loneliness forces us to crave social companionship.
The physical pain of loneliness — a sad, hurting feeling in the chest, an emptiness in the stomach — keeps us in the pack, and keeps us procreating. We are rewarded with feel-good chemicals such as dopamine, the cuddle chemical oxytocin, and serotonin when we connect and touch.
Lonely people are 15.2 per cent more likely to be depressed.
Our changing societies have stripped us of support networks. Our children and other relatives are less likely to live nearby, and the rise in divorce means many are without a companion in later life. We live longer and witness partners, friends and kids moving on.
Loneliness spans all generations. More than 7.6 million people in Britain live alone. Social media, mobile devices and streaming services further isolate people.
Michelle Lim, scientific chairwoman at the Australian Coalition to End Loneliness, says it’s about the quality, not the quantity, of time one spends with other people; it’s about wanting to be understood. Some people are lonely in their primary relationship, too.
Victorian upper house MP Fiona Patten has called for a state minister for loneliness.
Think tanks are exploring ways urban areas can be designed to create a sense of community. Many experts would suggest going out often. However, the Loneliness Report shows that mixing with strangers leads to high levels of social anxiety among one in four Australians.
My advice is to accept the discomfort and do it anyway. Many of my friends go on websites to meet people: dating sites, if they are single, or meet-up sites to make friends. Hobbies with like-minded people are available at the click of a button — from knitting to pub crawls or mountain climbing. I’ve made many enduring friendships this way.
Volunteer work is also good for the soul. We can never be lonely when giving back to those less fortunate than ourselves