past life soul mate

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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mario92
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past life soul mate

Post by mario92 » Thu Dec 21, 2017 2:53 am

hi dhammawheel members i had been in an issue of romanticism, There had been a girl in my classroom, that even though i didnt saw her, she was always in my head even thouh i didnt wanted anything wit her, it was and is always her image, she reminds me as if she were my past life wife or something, i think as if she most of the time appreciated me, i tried to practice asubha past days, but she is still there, as if she knew what i was doing every time at work or at home. I dont know her very well, but most of girls have much lust, she also, i dont know if this was the cause. I always remind me that this was a trap, that i should not take consideration in relationship. Maybe all semester, not a week passed without her in my head. How can i deal with this? I dont know if this is even Mara trying to create problems. Or maybe is stress of school finals, lack of sati, or bad kamma. :tantrum: :jedi:
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DNS
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by DNS » Thu Dec 21, 2017 4:26 am

Nothing wrong with getting married and having a family, if you want to. In regard to "soul mates" there is something like that in the Canon:
According to the Buddha's understanding, if a husband and wife love each other deeply and have similar kamma, they may be able to renew their relationship in the next life (A.II,61-2). He also said that the strong affinity two people feel towards each other might be explained by them having had a strong love in a previous life. `By living together in the past and by affection in the present, love is born as surely as a lotus is born in water' (Ja.II,235). This idea is elaborated in the Mahàvastu: `When love enters the mind and the heart is joyful, the intelligent man can say certainty, ßThis woman has lived with me beforeû.'(Mvu.III,185).
http://buddhisma2z.com/content.php?id=248

mario92
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by mario92 » Thu Dec 21, 2017 5:25 am

Thank you David :)
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mario92
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by mario92 » Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:27 pm

and How to disregard my feelings from her if i dont want a relationship? (Romanticism is strong)
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JohnK
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by JohnK » Fri Dec 22, 2017 9:13 pm

mario92 wrote:
Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:27 pm
and How to disregard my feelings from her if i dont want a relationship? (Romanticism is strong)
Interesting -- you did not mention feelings in your original post -- more like her image popping into your mind. The only feelings I could tell from your post was :tantrum: from her showing up in your mind (aversion?).
So, if you do have other feelings, it might help to consider them clearly -- and to include them in the description of your situation, so you may get more useful replies. (In any case, to "disregard" feelings may not be the right approach.)
"...the practice is essentially a practice, and not a theory to be idly discussed...right view leaves unanswered many questions about the cosmos and the self, and directs your attention to what needs to be done to escape from the ravages of suffering." Thanissaro Bhikkhu, On The Path.

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Nicolas
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by Nicolas » Fri Dec 22, 2017 9:24 pm

mario92 wrote:
Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:27 pm
and How to disregard my feelings from her if i dont want a relationship? (Romanticism is strong)
A few quotes from the suttas:
Mahādukkhakkhandha Sutta (MN 13) wrote: “And what, bhikkhus, is the gratification in the case of material form? Suppose there were a girl of the noble class or the brahmin class or of householder stock, in her fifteenth or sixteenth year, neither too tall nor too short, neither too thin nor too fat, neither too dark nor too fair. Is her beauty and loveliness then at its height?”—“Yes, venerable sir.”—“Now the pleasure and joy that arise in dependence on that beauty and loveliness are the gratification in the case of material form.

“And what, bhikkhus, is the danger in the case of material form? Later on one might see that same woman here at eighty, ninety, or a hundred years, aged, as crooked as a roof bracket, doubled up, supported by a walking stick, tottering, frail, her youth gone, her teeth broken, grey-haired, scanty-haired, bald, wrinkled, with limbs all blotchy. What do you think, bhikkhus? Has her former beauty and loveliness vanished and the danger become evident?”—“Yes, venerable sir.”—“Bhikkhus, this is a danger in the case of material form.

“Again, one might see that same woman afflicted, suffering, and gravely ill, lying fouled in her own urine and excrement, lifted up by some and set down by others. What do you think, bhikkhus? Has her former beauty and loveliness vanished and the danger become evident?”—“Yes, venerable sir.”—“Bhikkhus, this too is a danger in the case of material form.

“Again, one might see that same woman as a corpse thrown aside in a charnel ground, one, two, or three days dead, bloated, livid, and oozing matter. What do you think, bhikkhus? Has her former beauty and loveliness vanished and the danger become evident?”—“Yes, venerable sir.”—“Bhikkhus, this too is a danger in the case of material form.

“Again, one might see that same woman as a corpse thrown aside in a charnel ground, being devoured by crows, hawks, vultures, dogs, jackals, or various kinds of worms… …a skeleton with flesh and blood, held together with sinews…a fleshless skeleton smeared with blood, held together with sinews…a skeleton without flesh and blood, held together with sinews…disconnected bones scattered in all directions—here a hand-bone, there a foot-bone, here a thigh-bone, there a rib-bone, here a hip-bone, there a back-bone, here the skull…bones bleached white, the colour of shells…bones heaped up…bones more than a year old, rotted and crumbled to dust. What do you think, bhikkhus? Has her former beauty and loveliness vanished and the danger become evident?”—“Yes, venerable sir.”—“Bhikkhus, this too is a danger in the case of material form.
Saññā Sutta (AN 7.46) wrote: When a monk’s awareness often remains steeped in the perception of the unattractive, his mind shrinks away from the completion of the sexual act, bends away, pulls back, and is not drawn in, and either equanimity or loathing take a stance. Just as a cock’s feather or a piece of tendon, when thrown into a fire, shrinks away, bends away, pulls back, and is not drawn in; in the same way, when a monk’s awareness often remains steeped in the perception of the unattractive, his mind shrinks away from the completion of the sexual act, bends away, pulls back, and is not drawn in, and either equanimity or loathing take a stance.
Girimānanda Sutta (AN 10.60) wrote: And what, Ānanda, is the perception of unattractiveness? Here, a bhikkhu reviews this very body upward from the soles of the feet and downward from the tips of the hairs, enclosed in skin, as full of many kinds of impurities: ‘There are in this body hair of the head, hair of the body, nails, teeth, skin, flesh, sinews, bones, bone marrow, kidneys, heart, liver, pleura, spleen, lungs, intestines, mesentery, stomach, excrement, bile, phlegm, pus, blood, sweat, fat, tears, grease, saliva, snot, fluid of the joints, urine.’ Thus he dwells contemplating unattractiveness in this body. This is called the perception of unattractiveness.
Meghiya Sutta (Ud 4.1) wrote: He should develop [contemplation of] the unattractive so as to abandon passion.

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m0rl0ck
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by m0rl0ck » Sat Dec 23, 2017 12:57 am

mario92 wrote:
Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:27 pm
and How to disregard my feelings from her if i dont want a relationship? (Romanticism is strong)
In my experience, if you have feelings for her, its gonna hurt no matter what you do, so you might as well go for it and have some fun and maybe some happiness as well. Keeping in mind the precepts as best you can of course.
Good luck :)
“The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling.” ― Robert M. Pirsig

Garrib
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by Garrib » Sat Dec 23, 2017 10:49 am

m0rl0ck wrote:
Sat Dec 23, 2017 12:57 am
mario92 wrote:
Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:27 pm
and How to disregard my feelings from her if i dont want a relationship? (Romanticism is strong)
In my experience, if you have feelings for her, its gonna hurt no matter what you do, so you might as well go for it and have some fun and maybe some happiness as well. Keeping in mind the precepts as best you can of course.
Good luck :)
I'm not convinced that this is great advice.

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m0rl0ck
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by m0rl0ck » Sun Dec 24, 2017 1:44 am

Garrib wrote:
Sat Dec 23, 2017 10:49 am
m0rl0ck wrote:
Sat Dec 23, 2017 12:57 am
mario92 wrote:
Fri Dec 22, 2017 8:27 pm
and How to disregard my feelings from her if i dont want a relationship? (Romanticism is strong)
In my experience, if you have feelings for her, its gonna hurt no matter what you do, so you might as well go for it and have some fun and maybe some happiness as well. Keeping in mind the precepts as best you can of course.
Good luck :)
I'm not convinced that this is great advice.
Well it may not be, so OP?
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“The truth knocks on the door and you say, "Go away, I'm looking for the truth," and so it goes away. Puzzling.” ― Robert M. Pirsig

Garrib
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by Garrib » Sun Dec 24, 2017 2:13 am

My intention was not so much to challenge your own personal opinion, but to throw a warning to the OP (based on my own opinion).

mario92
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by mario92 » Mon Dec 25, 2017 6:42 am

Hi John k i didnt wanted anything because it wouldnt fulfill my goals but the tought used to be very stubborn, and so repetitive i only spoke to her a few times, Even in absense of School class were tought of her speaking to me, and the Next class she used to go very Good looking.

Well thank you nicolas i used to práctice asubha meditation, i had very bad experience with desire that i decided to práctice asubha as much as i could regularly every day
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Re: past life soul mate

Post by JohnK » Tue Dec 26, 2017 3:25 pm

Hi Mario,
I am trying to understand what the problem is. I think it is perfectly normal for an attractive image to pop into your mind (especially at a certain age), so it must have something to do with how you react to it, right? I'm looking at this from the DO perspective, specifically contact, feeling, grasping, clinging, becoming.
Perhaps her image pops up; your feeling is apparently not "neither pleasant nor unpleasant." So, is it pleasant? If so, what do you do with that? You could stop right there just thinking "this is just the way it is." Or you could grasp it and create stories around it becoming, for example, "soul mates." Then apparently at some point your mind makes contact with these thoughts and you experience them as unpleasant -- again there is the possibility of stopping right there, this is just how it is. Or, one could react with aversion defining the merely unpleasant as intrusive, or non-Buddhist, or something; turning them into "a problem" and one as a "Buddhist with a problem" or something like that. Of course there is dukkha with all this (as you expressed in your OP). I'm not saying this is exactly what is going on for you -- just proposing that you perhaps use the DO framework and your discernment to investigate what is going on for you. There is dukkha -- why?
Let's maybe try to other first possibility. Her image pops up. Is the feeling unpleasant? If so, what do you do with that? You could stop right there thinking "this is just the way it is" -- (or, as I have ben reading Ajahn Chah lately, "no big deal"). Or you could grasp it and make it into a problem -- "I'm not supposed to experience unpleasantness" or something like that.
As I said, I have no idea what you are actually doing here to create your suffering, but it is probably worth your exploring of it from this perspective.
Good luck.
"...the practice is essentially a practice, and not a theory to be idly discussed...right view leaves unanswered many questions about the cosmos and the self, and directs your attention to what needs to be done to escape from the ravages of suffering." Thanissaro Bhikkhu, On The Path.

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