Desire for Relationship and for Lack of Relationship

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
paul
Posts: 1182
Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 11:27 pm
Location: Vietnam

Re: Desire for Relationship and for Lack of Relationship

Post by paul » Sat Apr 18, 2015 5:14 pm

Atman1 wrote: Some other people at the monastery offered support by reminding me that "letting go of attachments is difficult".
Having gone through a divorce myself, I realize that what you are experiencing is difficult, but if you can bring yourself to begin to accept that the suffering is caused by clinging to the impermanent, then you will not only advance rapidly in your Buddhist practice, but the suffering will become manageable through understanding it. You are now at the heart of impermanence/suffering/non-self and we are all immersed in this as daily existence, but it only becomes apparent in such a way a few times in a lifetime, where we can clearly see the suffering involved in clinging, although this is happening to a lesser degree all the time. If you learn to mentally orient yourself to this experience correctly, then your mind will be trained to have the correct approach to large and small problems for the rest of your life.

Atman1
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Apr 15, 2015 9:41 pm

Re: Desire for Relationship and for Lack of Relationship

Post by Atman1 » Thu Apr 23, 2015 5:02 am

paul wrote:
Atman1 wrote: Some other people at the monastery offered support by reminding me that "letting go of attachments is difficult".
Having gone through a divorce myself, I realize that what you are experiencing is difficult, but if you can bring yourself to begin to accept that the suffering is caused by clinging to the impermanent, then you will not only advance rapidly in your Buddhist practice, but the suffering will become manageable through understanding it. You are now at the heart of impermanence/suffering/non-self and we are all immersed in this as daily existence, but it only becomes apparent in such a way a few times in a lifetime, where we can clearly see the suffering involved in clinging, although this is happening to a lesser degree all the time. If you learn to mentally orient yourself to this experience correctly, then your mind will be trained to have the correct approach to large and small problems for the rest of your life.

I can agree with this this to some extent but it takes away responsibility from the person who is walking away and not working on their relationship, job, etc. One can just say " your problem", "you shouldn't cling", etc as a way of making themselves better about their choice to walk out on life. It becomes the other person's problem. But then again, if he can't keep his vows in marriage, he may not be able to keep them as a monk. I would be interested to have a better understanding of the Buddhist concept of trust because if a Buddhist can at any time turn around and say "well, you can't get attached to the promises I've made and if you are unhappy or hurt, it is your own fault for clinging." How does this life view leave any space for trust or building strong families and communities?

paul
Posts: 1182
Joined: Tue May 31, 2011 11:27 pm
Location: Vietnam

Re: Desire for Relationship and for Lack of Relationship

Post by paul » Thu Apr 23, 2015 6:34 am

Atman1 wrote:How does this life view leave any space for trust or building strong families and communities?
The Theravada view is of a duality between conventional (vohara) and ultimate (paramattha) realities; communities are part of conventional reality and while that is a truth at its own level, the disciple who wants to progress must ground themselves in ultimate reality.

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