Guidance on Anger

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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Antaradhana
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Re: Guidance on Anger

Post by Antaradhana »

About the situation with water. It seems so petty that it is even strange that it causes anger. Some people generally do not enjoy such luxury as hot water, especially in warm countries. You can simply dial in the basin of warm water in advance and when the wife is started to manipulate the taps, simply pour the prepared water onto herself.

Regarding the situation with anger. You need to understand that situations occur because we deserve it. One should always remember that this is our kamma, and this will help to look at the situation stoically or even with humor.
All that is subject to arising is subject to termination, all formations are non-permanent. And that which is impermanent is suffering. Regarding what is impermanent and prone to suffering, one cannot say: "This is mine, I am this, this is my self".
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salayatananirodha
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Re: Guidance on Anger

Post by salayatananirodha »

have you considered finding something that annoys her in a subtle way and doing that?
16. 'In what has the world originated?' — so said the Yakkha Hemavata, — 'with what is the world intimate? by what is the world afflicted, after having grasped at what?' (167)

17. 'In six the world has originated, O Hemavata,' — so said Bhagavat, — 'with six it is intimate, by six the world is afflicted, after having grasped at six.' (168)

- Hemavatasutta


links:
https://www.ancient-buddhist-texts.net/index.htm
http://thaiforestwisdom.org/canonical-texts/
http://seeingthroughthenet.net/wp-conte ... _Heart.pdf
https://www.dhammatalks.org/index.html
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Polar Bear
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Re: Guidance on Anger

Post by Polar Bear »

If you switch to taking cold showers the temperature fluctuation would be less annoying. And your showers would be more invigorating and moisturizing for the skin.

:anjali:
"I don't envision a single thing that, when developed & cultivated, leads to such great benefit as the mind. The mind, when developed & cultivated, leads to great benefit."

"I don't envision a single thing that, when undeveloped & uncultivated, brings about such suffering & stress as the mind. The mind, when undeveloped & uncultivated, brings about suffering & stress."
polo
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Re: Guidance on Anger

Post by polo »

Hello there, I wish to explain here how Abhidhamma Science deal with this problem. Yes, there is a branch called Abhidhamma Science- they study everything from anger to other pyschological problems . I will try to be precise so people don't get bored. Read what I wrote and take time to contemplate on it and try to understand it well. If you just read it casually and don't take time to contemplate on it then nothing will happen.
1. Anger rises and fall away. Where does Anger rises from? From the belly area the stomach area.
2. The object of anger is not important- in your case the object of anger is your wife you direct your anger at her.
If someone drove in front of your car and suddenly brake you will get angry with him and the object of anger is the driver but what happen when the driver stop and came down from the car and you see your good friend then suddenly your anger disappear almost immediately-this show the object of anger is not important.
The most important part is the anger itself.
3. You can feel the anger arise from the stomach area- at first the anger arises so quickly by the time you try to feel it the anger has already caused you to shout at some one.
But with practice you will feel the beginning of the anger, you will feel the anger arise and once you are good at feeling the anger arises your anger will very quickly subside. If you practice trying to notice the arising of the anger you will after sometime able to feel the beginning of anger as it arises. How long would it take to learn to notice the anger arises from the stomach area- for me it's was quick (may be because I was totally convinced of the effectiveness) It took me only about 3 weeks to be able to notice the anger rises and fall away. It was an amazing feeling and I was very much in control of myself compare to the old time when my anger just flew off the handle.
4. Whenever someone makes you angry if you practice to direct your observation on the anger itself that arises from you stomach area. Yes, you can actually feel the anger rises once you concentrate on it, but in the beginning you may fail because anger can move so fast before you know anything it has gone to your head and you just thinking of hitting the guy on the head.
Once you have successfully observe the anger arises you will be surprised that it seems the anger becomes shy it starts to back down and that's when you feel a good feeling of relief that you are in control of your anger. I can assure you it's a wonderful feeling.
Before I read Abhidhamma Science I didn't even know anger arises from the belly area- in Buddhist terms I was ignorant and ignorance causes sufferings- this is really the ultimate reality and truth.
I find Abhidhamma Science most profound and scientific.
Marcos5438
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Re: Guidance on Anger

Post by Marcos5438 »

Anger is a symptom of the underlying condition which you are dealing with for a long period of time. The best way to control the anger is to first know the cause of it. Find out the things that are the triggers for your anger, and then try your best to remove all those triggers from your life.
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Mahabrahma
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Re: Guidance on Anger

Post by Mahabrahma »

Detach your emotional attachment to your anger and negative emotions, and treat them as if you were observing simple action and reaction, or a flow of thoughts. Then analytically start to pinpoint where the roots of your reactions or thoughts are coming from, and work on lessening or ending their appearance if they are negative by the work of your emotions and thoughts through willpower and compassion.
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Aloka
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Re: Guidance on Anger

Post by Aloka »

JohnK wrote: Mon Jul 15, 2019 6:57 pm
Aloka wrote: Thu Jul 11, 2019 6:29 pm ...here are two talks you could listen to:

"I am a Buddhist, why am I so angry?" from Ajahn Amaro:

https://www.amaravati.org/audio/i-am-a- ... -so-angry/

and "How can I get rid of anger?" from Ajahn Sumedho:

https://www.amaravati.org/audio/how-can ... -of-anger/

Kind regards,

Aloka :anjali:
Hey Aloka, thanks for those two talks - I really enjoyed them. :anjali:
You are very welcome JohnK. :)


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befriend
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Re: Guidance on Anger

Post by befriend »

Think of anger not as an enemy but someone who's in pain and needs your compassion and attention be with the anger and shine the light of awareness and metta towards it this will dissipate the anger with wisdom. I got this technique from thich nhat hanh.
Take care of mindfulness and mindfulness will take care of you.
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