Resolve Conflict Or Not?

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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No_Mind
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Re: Resolve Conflict Or Not?

Post by No_Mind »

No_Mind wrote:
Thu Mar 12, 2020 5:52 pm
Is it my duty as a Buddhist to make people happy? Should I always strive for a good resolution to every problem? Try and work it out with them, coax, cajole. In a word be a very agreeable person.

Or, is a Buddhist allowed to walk away. The problem with this is it effectively means doling out silent treatment and that makes neurotic people more neurotic.
Concluding Thoughts

Hence .. to answer my own question

It is my duty as a Buddhist to make people happy. I should coax, cajole, and be a very agreeable person.

If nothing else, it makes life a little more peaceful though there is a huge emotional cost due to not being able to be truthful.

I guess that cost is part and parcel of being on the spiritual path.

:namaste:
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus

SteRo
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Re: Resolve Conflict Or Not?

Post by SteRo »

No_Mind wrote:
Mon Mar 16, 2020 7:09 am
Hence .. to answer my own question
That's always the necessary conclusion.
The habit to grasp as realities the concepts arising from contacting words seems to be deep-rooted.

binocular
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Re: Resolve Conflict Or Not?

Post by binocular »

No_Mind wrote:
Mon Mar 16, 2020 6:59 am
You could never have been a school teacher or doctor. In both these roles, one has to regularly "lie" (I would prefer to say reassure) to worried parents and family members that their child or family member is going to do better when it is hard to make them get even a D (in academics or longevity as the case may be).
*sigh*
There are social norms according to which one has to state untruths, while the other person is supposed to know that they are untruths but pretend they think they are truths.
It's called "being civilized".
Hopefully, I do not sound too patronizing.
Of course you do.

I've been trying to show you that being an authoritarian like you comes with a cost and risks.
If you can be authoritarian toward others, why wouldn't others be authoritarian toward you -- with all the strife that this brings to both of you?
You seem entirely blind to this.
If you can't build with them, don't chill with them.

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No_Mind
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Location: India

Re: Resolve Conflict Or Not?

Post by No_Mind »

binocular wrote:
Mon Mar 16, 2020 7:32 pm
I've been trying to show you that being an authoritarian like you comes with a cost and risks.
If you can be authoritarian toward others, why wouldn't others be authoritarian toward you -- with all the strife that this brings to both of you?
You seem entirely blind to this.
I have no problem about others trying to be authoritarian. I can out-authoritarian them most times or become submissive.

After all if you submit to an authoritarian they protect you at all costs. From Escobar to Saddam, they would have protected you as long as you accepted their superiority.

And never forget that authoritarians are usually extremely generous people, very sensitive towards the needs of those in distress. That is not because they believe their power would erode if they were not generous but because they have always been a giver and a taker.

I have problem with others being manipulative and taking what for lack of better description is "false offence" to get noticed. Indulging in emotional blackmail from any direction out of the blue.

Manipulative people are far worse than authoritarians.

With me you know where you stand. I will say it to your face. Manipulative people will give you silent treatment and drive you up the wall.

This conversation is going to go around in circles. Best to pause it right here. We agree to disagree.

:namaste:

No_Mind
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus

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