How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
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TLCD96
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How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by TLCD96 »

Hi all, after practicing for about 5 years (give or take) and looking on the results of my practice, I feel happy to say that I've gotten out of my shell a bit and have gradually begun to embrace the world of relationships and appreciate kalyanamitta. I think the prospect of developing meaningful and beneficial friendships without attachment is inspiring. It's becoming increasingly apparent that good friendships are actually good; getting involved with people doesn't have to be a heavy and bothersome burden or something scary.

I'm curious about how your relationships have developed over time as you have practiced dhamma? How have you worked to maintain boundaries, address and/or avoid conflicts skillfully, find support in others without growing dependent, trust in other people, be okay with vulnerability, abandon unskillful friendships, and/or inspire others - among other things?
All of us are bound by birth, aging, and death.

form
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by form »

Whole character change from meditation and some dhamma.

SarathW
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by SarathW »

I am pleased to see that Dhamma help you.
In my case, I feel more relaxed than before but not enough to change my happiness score of 50%. :D
I still have my ups and downs.
Perhaps I am not practicing enough as much as I read.

viewtopic.php?f=31&t=30709&p=446976&hil ... ou#p446976
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”

befriend
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by befriend »

I used to be terrified of public speaking now i am not afraid at all and enjoy it even. The teachings on non self have helped me loosen my fixation on my self and made me less self conscious.
Take care of mindfulness and mindfulness will take care of you.

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anthbrown84
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by anthbrown84 »

What I will say here is stick to the practise, as the benefits just keep growing and growing. Its absolutely the ONLY thing truly worth while, and these benefits you feel now are only the start.

If we are blessed with a long life, then I can only imagine how amazing this will be.

For me I follow Bhante Vimalaramsis method of over laying happiness into our lives so that it aids in sharing loving kindness. This has made my life and my interactions with people so much easier and happier.

On top of this my craving has reduced several so I can let go of stress very quickly and bask in the glow of an open and warm heart.

This of course is not the goal, but it is the way :)

Sadhu for your results this far... carry on regardless :)

Anthony
"Your job in practise is to know the difference between the heart and the activity of the heart, that is it, it is that simple" Ajahn Tate

Dan74
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by Dan74 »

What seems to have changed with me is that I no longer put much stock in the emotional upheavals, the frustrations, the disappointments, etc. Relationships are often like a ship set adrift on a sea of emotions - you get tossed and turned and blown about by the winds and the waves. With Dhamma practice, we can anchor the ship and though the emotions still happen (and I try to take care of my partner and be attentive to her feelings) I don't get so blown around by mine, because I am a bit better at realising that they are empty.

In all honesty, this is very much work in progress, but at least it is in progress. Before I just used to take the emotions as a given - a reality that would suck me in and one I could do nothing about.
_/|\_

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anthbrown84
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by anthbrown84 »

Dan74 wrote:
Sat Dec 28, 2019 6:20 am
What seems to have changed with me is that I no longer put much stock in the emotional upheavals, the frustrations, the disappointments, etc. Relationships are often like a ship set adrift on a sea of emotions - you get tossed and turned and blown about by the winds and the waves. With Dhamma practice, we can anchor the ship and though the emotions still happen (and I try to take care of my partner and be attentive to her feelings) I don't get so blown around by mine, because I am a bit better at realising that they are empty.

In all honesty, this is very much work in progress, but at least it is in progress. Before I just used to take the emotions as a given - a reality that would suck me in and one I could do nothing about.
:goodpost:

I have to say, being married to someone so different than me it's hard and almost a continuous work load for me.

But yeh, hearing people say they maintain balance is a big reminder because for some reason, my relationship goes under the radar of my Sati.

I get pulled into the same arguments, allow myself to follow her mood patterns, trap myself in remorse

Where in other areas of my life my relationships are brilliant. So this is a constant reminder to put my relationship into my Dhamma life :)

Sadhu....
"Your job in practise is to know the difference between the heart and the activity of the heart, that is it, it is that simple" Ajahn Tate

kalyana.mitta
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by kalyana.mitta »

I have been practicing the dhamma from a young age (or more like just going to the temple since my parents always brought me) as my family was Buddhist. But about 3 years ago(i am still a student and very young) is when the dhamma hit me. Recently I have been so involved with reading suttas, listening to dhamma, meditating and applying the dhamma into my life and now I go to the temple not just out of blind faith or just because my parents were making me, but because I have gained real faith in the teachings of the Buddha.

And to answer the question in the forum:
like I said I am still in school. Last year I used the dhamma in perspective of my life which helped me to see how much of a bad influence my school friends were on me. And as much as I hated to accept it, sooner or later, I would become like them and break all the precepts and bring a bad future upon myself. So now I'm not really friends with them anymore which I didn't really want, but I've already started to see changes in myself in a good way.

Cortadew
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by Cortadew »

Well I've never had a relationship... so pretty much the same 🤣

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confusedlayman
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by confusedlayman »

My sexual tendency are very much alive but when I really go near skin, I get nausea or vomit sensation because I also did dead body meditation so I’m enjoy xx in website videos or fantasy but never real one. Mind that I am a lazy follower but better than not following
Master said dont neglect concentration ... practice jhana "O dhamma wheel users! "

2600htz
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by 2600htz »

Hello:

I used to be terrified of woman, like on a pathological level super afraid of engaging in a personal relationship. That changed after some meditation experience. With friends, kinda the opposite, i mean not really the opposite but in the other direction: i lost almost all interest in partying and drinking with buddies, so dont see my old friends much anymore. I still love them and its great when we see each other, but i try to stick to playing sports with them or something like a roadtrip. I even moved to a small town, more in line with my lifestyle... really love solitude, here i made friends playing sports or working, its a different kind of friendship, like visiting their families, or work related gatherings.


Regards.

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TLCD96
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by TLCD96 »

Cortadew wrote:
Sun Jan 12, 2020 12:15 am
Well I've never had a relationship... so pretty much the same 🤣
:jawdrop:

Really! How can you be a human and have never had a relationship in your life?

To be clear, I am not talking about Romantic relationships, nor am I solely talking about friendships or business partnerships. By relationships, I mean all of it: how do you interact with people, and how has dhamma changed it (or how hasn't it)?

Thanks everyone for sharing thus far.
All of us are bound by birth, aging, and death.

Cortadew
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by Cortadew »

TLCD96 wrote:
Tue Feb 11, 2020 3:21 am
Cortadew wrote:
Sun Jan 12, 2020 12:15 am
Well I've never had a relationship... so pretty much the same 🤣
:jawdrop:

Really! How can you be a human and have never had a relationship in your life?

To be clear, I am not talking about Romantic relationships, nor am I solely talking about friendships or business partnerships. By relationships, I mean all of it: how do you interact with people, and how has dhamma changed it (or how hasn't it)?

Thanks everyone for sharing thus far.
Oh sorry I misinterpreted as having romantic relationships 😅.

My relationships with people have improved greatly. When I first started practicing the 5 precepts close friends felt I was pretending and acting different (I did not tell them I practiced Buddhism). When I told them, some friends took distance since I started to get more dispassionate towards shared hobbies.

My family was a little dubious about my meditation practice but appreciated the fact that I became more patient, tolerant joyful, compassionate and now they support my practice.

SarathW
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by SarathW »

My family was a little dubious about my meditation practice but appreciated the fact that I became more patient, tolerant joyful, compassionate and now they support my practice.
:anjali:
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”

Cortadew
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Re: How have your relationships changed over time as a Buddhist?

Post by Cortadew »

Beyond that pretty much the same.

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