Emotional intimacy only for couples? Why is it not needed?

Balancing family life and the Dhamma, in pursuit of a happy lay life.
2600htz
Posts: 461
Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:37 pm

Re: Emotional intimacy only for couples? Why is it not needed?

Post by 2600htz » Tue Jun 25, 2019 12:26 am

Hello:

Well i have a different opinion.

If you take someone who has a face deformity, he might not persue romantic relationships, but his mind could be still be very tied to that subject.
Why? because he does not persue romantic relationships out of fear, trauma, bad self esteem, or wrong views (i don´t deserve relationships, im a monster, etc), even if he really wants to.

So my advice would be to weight yourself, and determine if this seclusion you are having is for the sake of virtue, trauma, fear, disease, personal goals, etc. and to proceed according to that conclusion.

Regards.

justindesilva
Posts: 954
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2016 12:38 pm

Re: Emotional intimacy only for couples? Why is it not needed?

Post by justindesilva » Tue Jun 25, 2019 6:28 am

cappuccino wrote:
Mon Jun 24, 2019 4:44 am
Why is it not needed?
dogs need it, trees don't

Buddhism is sort of like nature
Prince Siddhartha was emotionally tied up to princess Yasodara as long as they were husband and wife. When prince Siddhartha decided to go in to solitude he forced his emotions to be suppressed which meant to break off his sexual attachments.
My current social experiences also makes me decide that intimacy in couples remain as long as they can fulfil their sexual requirements. Often when couples get older their intimacy is often held by their love towards children that is aspired by a common goal of looking after children.
This is a development of mettha ( loving kindness) with deviation of sexual intimacy.
I also have seen married couples sticking together with a loving kindness to look after each other after living together for a long life.
Though the initial drive towards intimacy is sexual drive later development of intimacy develops loving kindness or mettha . If we read through parabava sutta and sigalovada sutta lord Buddha explains the way to go on family life until sexual intimacy wanes but develops Mettha.

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cappuccino
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Joined: Thu Feb 11, 2016 1:45 am

Re: Emotional intimacy only for couples? Why is it not needed?

Post by cappuccino » Tue Jun 25, 2019 6:58 am

People care so much, they suffer!

They suffer so much, but don't seem to care!

well…

Buddha cared rightly

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manas
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Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 3:04 am
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Re: Emotional intimacy only for couples? Why is it not needed?

Post by manas » Fri Jul 12, 2019 4:18 am

santa100 wrote:
Sun Jun 23, 2019 11:05 pm
GoodMorning wrote:After considering that monks/nuns also lead single and celibate lifes and live in fullilment, perhaps you can make me feel at ease in my grave concerns that emotional intimacy is needed to live a fulfilled life and what conditions may have to occur for this to be the case.
The problem is that it's a 50/50 chance that one'll attain emotional intimacy living with a spouse. If one's lucky, one will get emotional intimacy, but there're plenty of cases where all one gets is emotional trauma/abuse instead. Beside, the moment one's decided to take the big plunge and leave the single life behind, one'd better be prepared for a potential loss of personal freedom and a guaranteed increase in responsibilities (to take care of one's spouse, one's children, families on the spouse side, etc.). Being fully aware of the reality and all the pros and cons, one'd be in a better position to decide the proper course of action for their life. Good luck.
Whenever I hear all of that, my wish to enter into a 'relationship' withers away even more...sounds like just.so.much.hard.work. I even heard a recently married person say 'there are challenges with being in relationship' - after being married not even six months.
From what's dear is born grief,
from what's dear is born fear.
For one freed from what's dear
there's no grief
— so how fear?


Dhp 212

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