Why being a loner may be good for your health

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Lucas Oliveira
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Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by Lucas Oliveira » Thu Mar 22, 2018 1:30 pm

Why being a loner may be good for your health

We tend to decry being alone. But emerging research suggests some potential benefits to being a loner – including for our creativity, mental health and even leadership skills.

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/2018022 ... or-a-loner



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Kamran
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by Kamran » Thu Mar 22, 2018 5:18 pm

Isolation causes depression. This has been clinically proven.
"Silence gives answers"

Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi

manas
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by manas » Thu Mar 22, 2018 8:16 pm

Kamran wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 5:18 pm
Isolation causes depression. This has been clinically proven.
That is my experience. Being unusual-looking, I cop a fair amount of ridicule from strangers, especially teenagers in groups (and some adults also, which surprises me). I'd say I get laughed at or put down by total strangers, about once a week on average, but some days are worse than others. There are a lot of cruel people around nowadays, and as an odd-looking person, I can attest it's gotten worse, not better. I think maybe social media, facebook and the shallow narcissism it has encouraged, might have something to do with the lack of respect so many younger folks have for their elders nowadays (for some reason, it's usually those in their late teens). I'm a loner because the regular insults or ridicule, tend to wear me out over time. I want to be able to walk in crowded places, without having to fairly regularly cop ridicule or abuse. In my case, loneliness isn't a choice, and it hurts. I'm happy for those who have the luxury of choosing it. I doubt that normal-looking folks (or good-looking folks, who live in a different reality to people like me), can comprehend how difficult it is, to be something of a social outcast, due to one's unusual appearance. Take it from me, it's sh*t. Yeah I know, rupa is not self, not mine, not who I am. But take a walk in my shoes for forty or so years, and see how it feels. Still, I fight on, striving to cultivate Brahma Viharas anyway.
:anjali:

SarathW
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by SarathW » Thu Mar 22, 2018 9:02 pm

I cop a fair amount of ridicule from strangers
Sorry to hear this.
Discrimination is a heartless act even though we all do it.
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”

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Sam Vara
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by Sam Vara » Thu Mar 22, 2018 9:08 pm

manas wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 8:16 pm
....
I'm also sorry to read what you have to say here, manas. I hope things get better for you. It's a rough old world we live in, and alienation from others can be very tough indeed. I'm glad to hear you have the merit to carry on with fortitude. Look for human goodness wherever you can find it.
:console:

Disciple
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by Disciple » Thu Mar 22, 2018 9:24 pm

manas wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 8:16 pm
Kamran wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 5:18 pm
Isolation causes depression. This has been clinically proven.
That is my experience. Being unusual-looking, I cop a fair amount of ridicule from strangers, especially teenagers in groups (and some adults also, which surprises me). I'd say I get laughed at or put down by total strangers, about once a week on average, but some days are worse than others. There are a lot of cruel people around nowadays, and as an odd-looking person, I can attest it's gotten worse, not better. I think maybe social media, facebook and the shallow narcissism it has encouraged, might have something to do with the lack of respect so many younger folks have for their elders nowadays (for some reason, it's usually those in their late teens). I'm a loner because the regular insults or ridicule, tend to wear me out over time. I want to be able to walk in crowded places, without having to fairly regularly cop ridicule or abuse. In my case, loneliness isn't a choice, and it hurts. I'm happy for those who have the luxury of choosing it. I doubt that normal-looking folks (or good-looking folks, who live in a different reality to people like me), can comprehend how difficult it is, to be something of a social outcast, due to one's unusual appearance. Take it from me, it's sh*t. Yeah I know, rupa is not self, not mine, not who I am. But take a walk in my shoes for forty or so years, and see how it feels. Still, I fight on, striving to cultivate Brahma Viharas anyway.
:anjali:
Stay strong my friend. We are here for you.

manas
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by manas » Thu Mar 22, 2018 10:34 pm

Thank you everyone, but this is my particular kamma-vipaka to deal with. I'm sure others, have their own versions of suffering peculiar to themselves, also. I appreciate the good wishes, but really, it helped bring me to the Dhamma. This dukkha is one of the reasons I began searching for answers, back when I was about twenty or so years old, a quest that continues to this day.
I think we had better get back to the main topic...I appreciate the karuna, but I'd rather now hear of others' opinion of whether being a loner can be good for one's health...maybe some agree with the OP? I would prefer that my comment not dominate this topic too much! Moving on now...and, thanks again. :heart:
metta. :anjali:

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Sam Vara
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by Sam Vara » Thu Mar 22, 2018 11:25 pm

I think this one might come down to the difference between "being alone" and "being lonely". Many years ago I read a book about solitude by the psychotherapist Anthony Storr

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Solitude-Flami ... 0006543499

He makes a convincing case as to how solitude can be an aid to creativity, and provides lots of case studies of famous people (Newton, Kant, etc.) who chose to be alone and who had good mental health, as well as being pre-eminently creative. He thinks psychologists have placed too much emphasis on the forming of intimate relationships and gregariousness as preconditions of well-being.

On the other hand, loners who have not chosen that role often seem to have a very hard time, and in Buddhist terms the condition is often associated with near-permanent craving for company and intimacy. Where I live there are lots of elderly people who have been widowed, and the loneliness of their circumstances is often very sad. In this vein, there is an interesting book called Happiness: Lessons from a New Science, by Richard Layard.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/s/?ie=UTF8&key ... &index=aps

(Layard was actually appointed by the UK government to investigate ways of increasing the happiness of the population). His meta-analysis of different studies of factors affecting happiness levels found that family, friendship and communities have - overall - a very large impact on how happy we are.

My guess is that being a loner suits a minority of people best, whereas most of us thrive with company and people we can trust.

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Lucas Oliveira
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by Lucas Oliveira » Fri Mar 23, 2018 1:11 am

manas wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 8:16 pm
Kamran wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 5:18 pm
Isolation causes depression. This has been clinically proven.
cultivate Brahma Viharas anyway.
:anjali:
love for all people, especially for ourselves

I already did therapy with pisicologos and talking with them it became clear how many wrong attitudes I had with my life and other people
of course it is important to be patient, but could you not change some attitudes and not accept such violence?
talking to a psychologist can show you many options for ending this type of violence.

if we can help something, we are here for that too.

:namaste:
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by Dinsdale » Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:20 am

Kamran wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 5:18 pm
Isolation causes depression. This has been clinically proven.
Is it being alone, or the feeling of being lonely? These two things are not synonymous.

And to quote a line from one of Sartre's plays: "Hell is other people". :stirthepot:
Buddha save me from new-agers!

binocular
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by binocular » Fri Mar 23, 2018 10:01 am

Sam Vara wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 11:25 pm
I think this one might come down to the difference between "being alone" and "being lonely". Many years ago I read a book about solitude by the psychotherapist Anthony Storr

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Solitude-Flami ... 0006543499
I was going to mention this book too! I actually have it.
Every person we save is one less zombie to fight. -- World War Z

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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by Dhammarakkhito » Sat Mar 24, 2018 2:07 am

it is beneficial when you have gas
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by pegembara » Sat Mar 24, 2018 4:01 am

While it may be good for some people, the majority are better off with social networking. Even the Buddha agreed. However good friends are really hard to find.
As he was sitting there, Ven. Ananda said to the Blessed One, "This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie."

"Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & colleagues, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.

https://www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/dha ... ttata.html
And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech.

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Kamran
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by Kamran » Mon Mar 26, 2018 12:10 am

Dinsdale wrote:
Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:20 am
Kamran wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 5:18 pm
Isolation causes depression. This has been clinically proven.
Is it being alone, or the feeling of being lonely? These two things are not synonymous.

And to quote a line from one of Sartre's plays: "Hell is other people". :stirthepot:
Even for those that enjoy being alone and choose to be alone, by isolating themselves they will lose social skills, lose contact with ppl that care for them etc and unwittingly cause themselves to develop depression even if they don't realize that they have depression because they think they have chosen to be alone or prefer it...
"Silence gives answers"

Jalal ad-Din Muhammad Rumi

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Lucas Oliveira
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Re: Why being a loner may be good for your health

Post by Lucas Oliveira » Mon Mar 26, 2018 12:35 am

Kamran wrote:
Mon Mar 26, 2018 12:10 am
Dinsdale wrote:
Fri Mar 23, 2018 9:20 am
Kamran wrote:
Thu Mar 22, 2018 5:18 pm
Isolation causes depression. This has been clinically proven.
Is it being alone, or the feeling of being lonely? These two things are not synonymous.

And to quote a line from one of Sartre's plays: "Hell is other people". :stirthepot:
Even for those that enjoy being alone and choose to be alone, by isolating themselves they will lose social skills, lose contact with ppl that care for them etc and unwittingly cause themselves to develop depression even if they don't realize that they have depression because they think they have chosen to be alone or prefer it...
We tend to decry being alone. But emerging research suggests some potential benefits to being a loner – including for our creativity, mental health and even leadership skills.

Hermit health

Still, the line between useful solitude and dangerous isolation can be blurry. “Almost anything can be adaptive and maladaptive, depending on how extreme they get,” Feist says. A disorder has to do with dysfunction. If someone stops caring about people and cuts off all contact, this could point to a pathological neglect of social relations. But creative unsociability is a far cry from this.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/2018022 ... or-a-loner

It's interesting what happens when you let go of a lot of the pasture of consciousness and you just limit it to just a small paddock. Usually consciousness can just go anywhere. You'll be conscious of just anything, go experience all of the delights, all of the pleasures in the world. But here you're putting the consciousness in a very small pasture and what happens when you've let go of so much pasture for your consciousness. You say, "Oh, I'm just going to be conscious of the breath. I'm just going to be conscious of the present moment. All these other possibilities I'm going to renounce". You find there is freedom. There is peace. This is some happiness.
https://www.budsas.org/ebud/ebmed055.htm

:anjali:
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