Thrylix wrote:All interesting views.
I've thought about all of them. I can't truthfully say I've stopped terrorizing ants, but the comments here made me a bit kinder to smaller lifeforms. Instead of stepping on every individual ant in my vicinity, as I was wont to do a month ago, I give their little anthills a single firm kick or stomp, just because I enjoy viewing the chaos and panic that unfolds at my feet.
I know some here don't approve, but what can I say? It's survival of the biggest.
I have many thoughts on your situation, hopefully they may be of some help to you. Respectfully, I think you are lacking in empathy and may find it to your and others benefit if you were to develop it a little. It is a skill that can be cultivated and it becomes easier and more natural the more one places oneself in another beings shoes. You could start by trying to feel the terror an ant feels as they try to escape being crushed, and as they watch other members of their colony die, just think of a time when you were terrified and try and relate it to what the ant may be feeling. Or you could think of an ant that has had a few of its limbs crushed but is still alive, visualize the feeling they have as they desperately try to walk, only to find that their body no longer functions the way they would like it to. You could think of a time where perhaps you had a broken bone or sprained joint, where you weren't able to function as you could in the past and the frustration that may have caused you. You could even relate to their anger as the home they worked so hard to build comes under attack, just think of how painful anger can be and how much hurt it causes the world. Anyway, I think you may find that if you get better at relating to others that you will naturally avoid causing harm to any being because you know how painful the hurt can be.
When I was a little boy I remember I was pestering a fly in a window, it kept trying to get away from me, until finally it flew straight into my face for a few seconds and then flew off. That memory left a strong impression on my mind. Years later I noticed a spiderweb in my bathroom, with either no spider, or a dead spider and there was a beetle trapped in the web. I freed it from the web and it flew up onto my shoulder, and I walked through my bedroom, through the living room, through the kitchen, and out the back door and then it flew off into the night. The reason I mention these two incidents is because they made me question what I thought about insects, perhaps there's more to them than most people believe, perhaps they even have unique personalities, but then we can only speculate.
Anyway, I'm reminded of the Buddha's saying "If you truly loved yourself you would never harm another." I think of the times I've caused others harm and realize that in doing so I harmed myself, the memories can be painful to recall, especially since my empathy has increased. Anyway I say this because one day you may look back on this period of your life and feel guilt, shame, and remorse for showing such disregard for life, but the choice is yours whether or not you continue to cause unnecessary harm. Bad habits can be hard to break, but once broken you can look back on them with a sense of relief that you're no longer caught in them.