Right Speech

Buddhist ethical conduct including the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
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Geonny
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Geonny » Sat Aug 31, 2019 9:14 pm

So when the world or people at large delight in immorality, do we speak words that appeal to this immorality? :shrug:
Thank you friend, for your perspective and replies to my questions. I don’t have the answers to these questions. I will defer to those more knowledgeable than I. Thanks again!

With Metta
With Metta
Geonny

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WindDancer
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Re: Right Speech

Post by WindDancer » Sat Aug 31, 2019 10:30 pm

Dan74 wrote:
Sat Aug 31, 2019 5:56 pm
binocular wrote:
Sat Aug 31, 2019 2:35 pm
Dan74 wrote:
Fri Aug 30, 2019 9:54 pm
I am in favour of gente speech on Forums. When folks adopt an aggressive attitude, I tend to withdraw. Not sure if this is really the best way, but I confess to being averse to conflict. Especially in a dhammic environment.
Then what's the point of a discussion forum, if one is supposed to walk on eggshells all the time?

Some people keep confusing use of force and violence/aggressiveness.
One can use force with a variety of intentions, not necessarily only with ill will. For example, when moving furniture before painting a room, one uses force, but not with ill will. Similar in conversation.
I am all for robust discussion. What helps though, is active listening, that is, trying to understand where the discussion partner is coming from, interpreting their posts in the way that makes the most sense, not the way that most easily lends itself to an condescending rebuttal.

I think a lot of time people on for a tend to talk past each other, because 1. they start from a very different set of initial premises/assumptions/life experiences, and 2. because they are not really interested in understanding what the other person means, but rather to reaffirm their views, by winning the argument/trying to persuade the other/etc. A gentle kind approach and an open, active interest in the others helps, in my experience. Not to say that I excel at it or anything. But also as a teacher, I try to cultivate this attitude in the classroom.
:goodpost:

Thank you Dan74 for both of these replies. I feel very similarly and support what you have shared. The issues you wrote about are the very ones that have driven me away from participating here at Dhamma Wheel in the past, and they are the ones that cause me at times to question my ongoing participation here.

The Buddha guides us to use speech that is truthful, kind, useful, builds concord and is timely. Though what some people share may be truthful in that is represents what they think and feel, frequently it is said in ways that are unkind, disrespectful and harms the concord and unity of the members participating here. In addition, I find the divisive and combative arguments to not be useful, and I find participating in these types of discussions a waste of my time and energy. For me it is pointless idle chatter radiating anger and causing harm. I prefer an open dialogue that is guided and filled with Metta, leading to the betterment of the individual and the group by providing a safe, healing and supportive environment that facilitates the reduction of suffering and the increase of happiness for all beings.

That being said, I was reminded recently by someone here that places like Dhamma Wheel and groups that meet and practice together face to face, attract a wide variety of people. We come together because we want something offered here; however, we are people who normally would not mix in daily life. I was guided to participate here and over time to find the people with whom I feel a connection.

In the rooms of recovery, love and tolerance is our code. We are guided to be loving, kind, patient and tolerant with others, remembering that like ourselves these others are perhaps spiritually sick too. Similarly, I have been taught to practice loving kindness in meditation and in daily life. One of the goals is to develop oneself to the point where we no longer harbor ill will toward difficult people but instead are able to treat them with the same loving kindness that we have for a family member or friend.

Though I would prefer challenging people to be kind and respectful, I have to remember it is not about me or anything to do with self. They act that way because that is what they are like inside. It also helps me to remember that they are where they are in their journey on the Path, and they are there because of past and current causes and conditions. There is nothing I can say or do to change these facts. This is where acceptance is the answer, doing my best to accept and love people where they are. For like me, they have not shed all their defects of character.

I have found that these challenging people offer me a great gift. Though I need teachers and more advanced peers who can guide me in which directions to grow, these difficult people show me how I don't want to be. In fact, they motivate me far more than my teachers and peers to maintain my resolve to continue the practice.

Peace,

WindDancer
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Arjen
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Arjen » Sat Aug 31, 2019 11:38 pm

I fully agree with the 5 principles of right speech (how could I not?).

In daily life speech/a conversation is rather fast. I tend to continuously check my intention to speak: what I want to say, is that for the benefit of the other? I can keep this intention-check in the back of my mind during the conversation. The 5 principles don’t work so well during conversation for me.
(It should be for the benefit of myself and leading to peace and harmony as well, but that is not my first check.)

The problem with speech for me is that frequently I speak for my own benefit, trying to fulfill the need to be seen/heard and loved. By keeping in mind that I speak for the benefit of the other I cut off my main speaking kilesa.

I have made a schedule I stuck on the door with a number of speech kilesa-traps to avoid. It works quite well, slowly the old habitual tendencies are being transformed.

A few items on the list:
+ no “me hero stories”
+ no use of the word “of course”
+ There is no need to please others when the speech is not proper
+ when the intention is not pure, don’t speak

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WindDancer
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Re: Right Speech

Post by WindDancer » Sun Sep 01, 2019 12:17 am

Arjen wrote:
Sat Aug 31, 2019 11:38 pm
I fully agree with the 5 principles of right speech (how could I not?).

In daily life speech/a conversation is rather fast. I tend to continuously check my intention to speak: what I want to say, is that for the benefit of the other? I can keep this intention-check in the back of my mind during the conversation. The 5 principles don’t work so well during conversation for me.
(It should be for the benefit of myself and leading to peace and harmony as well, but that is not my first check.)

The problem with speech for me is that frequently I speak for my own benefit, trying to fulfill the need to be seen/heard and loved. By keeping in mind that I speak for the benefit of the other I cut off my main speaking kilesa.

I have made a schedule I stuck on the door with a number of speech kilesa-traps to avoid. It works quite well, slowly the old habitual tendencies are being transformed.

A few items on the list:
+ no “me hero stories”
+ no use of the word “of course”
+ There is no need to please others when the speech is not proper
+ when the intention is not pure, don’t speak
:goodpost:

Thanks. Your reply is helpful.
Live Gently....

Anthony
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Anthony » Sun Sep 01, 2019 12:43 am

WindDancer wrote:
Sat Aug 31, 2019 7:01 pm
Anthony wrote:
Sat Aug 31, 2019 1:25 pm
WindDancer wrote:
Sat Aug 31, 2019 10:45 am
I live an active daily life practice. Right (or wise) speech is one of my primary areas of focus. I have listened to several Dhamma talks on the subject, and I was inspired to stop the talk and write down what was shared

WindDancer
Thanks for the great post, WindDancer. Any chance you happen to recall where you heard these talks? I’d love to listen to them too.
As you know, Right Speech is part of the Noble Eight Fold Path. I think the talk that had this list was by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Here is a link to the page that offers this talk: https://www.dhammatalks.org/mp3_collect ... html#eight

I don't know your experience. I just offer this in case it may be helpful. I have listened to hundreds of hours of talks and guided meditations. As suggested by others, I started listening to talks from the Insight Meditation Center found at https://www.audiodharma.org. Being from the USA, I found that the talks offered at IMC were oriented in such a way to help those of us from the West enter into an understanding of the Dhamma. I like the fact that on the left side of the screen there is a list of topics from which to choose. You can also select talks from various teachers. This is how I learned of the Thai Forest Tradition. This led me to listen to talks by Ajahn Amaro and others at Amaravati. https://www.amaravati.org/category/teachings/

As I grew, I was led to listen to talks by teachers at Abhayagiri Forest Monastery. https://www.abhayagiri.org/talks

Most recently I have been listening to a wide selection of talks by Thanissaro Bhikkhu at the Metta Forest Monastery. https://www.watmetta.org/

I have also listened to talks by teachers at Spirit Rock and the Insight Meditation Society found at https://www.dharmaseed.org/talks/
This is a very generous and helpful reply, WindDancer, thanks so much! I appreciate you taking the time to track down all of these excellent links. I knew some of them, but there are many new sources to explore and it's great to have these links here for all to see and follow. I've been thinking about the 5 characteristics of right speech you posted yesterday constantly for the past night and day, and I've realized that even though I thought of myself as someone who follows the 4th precept, I'm actually not nearly as good at it as I thought. This is a good, not a sad, realization and I'm so grateful to have this 5-point blueprint to work on. I'll dig through the archives you've kindly listed and find some talks on Right Speech. Thank you!

Anthony
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Anthony » Sun Sep 01, 2019 12:48 am

Arjen wrote:
Sat Aug 31, 2019 11:38 pm
I fully agree with the 5 principles of right speech (how could I not?).

In daily life speech/a conversation is rather fast. I tend to continuously check my intention to speak: what I want to say, is that for the benefit of the other? I can keep this intention-check in the back of my mind during the conversation. The 5 principles don’t work so well during conversation for me.
(It should be for the benefit of myself and leading to peace and harmony as well, but that is not my first check.)

The problem with speech for me is that frequently I speak for my own benefit, trying to fulfill the need to be seen/heard and loved. By keeping in mind that I speak for the benefit of the other I cut off my main speaking kilesa.

I have made a schedule I stuck on the door with a number of speech kilesa-traps to avoid. It works quite well, slowly the old habitual tendencies are being transformed.

A few items on the list:
+ no “me hero stories”
+ no use of the word “of course”
+ There is no need to please others when the speech is not proper
+ when the intention is not pure, don’t speak
Helpful insights here, Arjen, thanks! It's true that the 5 principles are hard to apply in the quickly passing moment, but just working with them for a day I've already seen how examining past conversations through these sets me up to speak differently in the future. Love your list of kilesa-traps. It would be fun and useful to see more of the list sometime if you feel like posting it. I really appreciate and benefit from hearing how others practice. I love the Dhamma talks by Thai forest monks and nuns, but it's also really helpful to see how laypeople develop their own individual practice techniques. Thanks!

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Geonny
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Geonny » Sun Sep 01, 2019 1:49 am

I love everyone’s replies and feedback here. It is very nice to see such nice views of right speech and such kind words.

May you all dwell in safety, may you all be happy and healthy, may you all be free from afflictions, May you all be at peace.

Ayubowan 🙏
With Metta
Geonny

Arjen
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Arjen » Sun Sep 01, 2019 5:21 am

I will elaborate a little but further on my last post, as asked for by Anthony.

First: there are 3 stages when intention has to be checked: before, during and after speech (and action as well, but that js not the topic here).

Before speech I check first whether what I want to say is of benefit to the other. Then I check whether any personal defilement is involved, like wanting to be loved/seen/heard/noticed/ important/ better than the other , any boasting, any power play, contempt, whatsoever. If I feel any “stickiness” or “dirtiness” indicating an attachment I don’t talk.

I then “cut the attachment” (can not explain how I do it, but by clearly identifying it and seeing the disgustedness, it is easy to drop) and check whether I still want to have the conversation.

Then I check the “5 principles”.

The above does not take more than max a few seconds though - it became a habit already.

During speech I only check whether I still speak out of an attitude of metta.
After speech I evaluate, mostly by checking how I feel. Do I feel light, calm, peaceful. Good! Do I feel dirty or have a slightly bad taste in the mouth. Not good! See what can be improved next time.

From these evaluations I compiled a list with kilesa-traps, which is more a communication matrix though. Can’t post pictures, so can’t show it to you all. Here is the gist:
First column shows categories: plain criticism by others / abuse by others / compliments / others seeking approval and love / own speech.
The second column states the most skillful way of reacting - what is working for me with my understanding at this time.

I.e.: abuse by others: understand the habitual tendency is to get angry - accept it - muster a feeling of curiosity about the needs of the other which have not been met.

The category “own speech” details grey areas, what are good intentions and kilesa-traps
+ the list of my previous post
- and
+ chitchat is ok if intention is to create a sense of harmony, but be careful to keep it to a minimum.
+ when I feel a strong urge to speak - don’t! Certainly some kilesas are involved.
+ talking Dhamma is good, but careful for need for approval
+ careful with tendency to “shock” other people, that is my tendency for powerplay

When I started practicing “right speech ” I have been very quiet for a month or so. Whenever you want to say something there is a need behind it, a desire. Most of them are kilesas or mixed with kilesas. It takes quite a bit of work to determine for yourself what is skillful and what is not skillful speech. And then practicing to only use skillful speech. Or in case of using unskillful speech, know what is the kilesa behind it, and understand it is a bit too strong for you this time 🙂

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WindDancer
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Re: Right Speech

Post by WindDancer » Sun Sep 01, 2019 9:05 am

Arjen wrote:
Sun Sep 01, 2019 5:21 am
I will elaborate a little but further on my last post, as asked for by Anthony.

First: there are 3 stages when intention has to be checked: before, during and after speech (and action as well, but that js not the topic here).

Before speech I check first whether what I want to say is of benefit to the other. Then I check whether any personal defilement is involved, like wanting to be loved/seen/heard/noticed/ important/ better than the other , any boasting, any power play, contempt, whatsoever. If I feel any “stickiness” or “dirtiness” indicating an attachment I don’t talk.

I then “cut the attachment” (can not explain how I do it, but by clearly identifying it and seeing the disgustedness, it is easy to drop) and check whether I still want to have the conversation.

Then I check the “5 principles”.

The above does not take more than max a few seconds though - it became a habit already.

During speech I only check whether I still speak out of an attitude of metta.
After speech I evaluate, mostly by checking how I feel. Do I feel light, calm, peaceful. Good! Do I feel dirty or have a slightly bad taste in the mouth. Not good! See what can be improved next time.

From these evaluations I compiled a list with kilesa-traps, which is more a communication matrix though. Can’t post pictures, so can’t show it to you all. Here is the gist:
First column shows categories: plain criticism by others / abuse by others / compliments / others seeking approval and love / own speech.
The second column states the most skillful way of reacting - what is working for me with my understanding at this time.

I.e.: abuse by others: understand the habitual tendency is to get angry - accept it - muster a feeling of curiosity about the needs of the other which have not been met.

The category “own speech” details grey areas, what are good intentions and kilesa-traps
+ the list of my previous post
- and
+ chitchat is ok if intention is to create a sense of harmony, but be careful to keep it to a minimum.
+ when I feel a strong urge to speak - don’t! Certainly some kilesas are involved.
+ talking Dhamma is good, but careful for need for approval
+ careful with tendency to “shock” other people, that is my tendency for powerplay

When I started practicing “right speech ” I have been very quiet for a month or so. Whenever you want to say something there is a need behind it, a desire. Most of them are kilesas or mixed with kilesas. It takes quite a bit of work to determine for yourself what is skillful and what is not skillful speech. And then practicing to only use skillful speech. Or in case of using unskillful speech, know what is the kilesa behind it, and understand it is a bit too strong for you this time 🙂
:goodpost:
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Bhikkhu Pesala
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Bhikkhu Pesala » Sun Sep 01, 2019 9:39 am

The Buddha sometimes used speech that was displeasing to others, if it was beneficial. See, for example, the Soṇa Sutta.
Speech that the Tathāgata knows to be true, correct, beneficial, but harsh and displeasing to others, he knows the right time to say it.
When Devadatta went to the Buddha and suggested that the leadership of the Order should be handed over to him in view of the Buddha’s approaching old age. The Buddha scorned the suggestion, saying, “Not even to Sāriputta or Mahā-Moggallāna would I hand over the Order, how would I then to you, vile one, to be expectorated like spittle?” Devadatta showed great resentment and vowed vengeance. These were very harsh words indeed, after which Devadatta conspired to try to kill the Buddha and urged Ajātasattu to kill his own father, King Bimbisāra.

When Devadatta tried to kill the Buddha himself by throwing a boulder down from Vulture’s Peak, which splintered, drawing blood from the Blessed One’s foot, this was the first heinous crime that condemned Devadatta to hell. Later, he caused a schism in the Saṅgha, which is another heinous crime. Killing one’s own mother, one’s own father, an Arahant, spilling the blood of a Tathāgata, and causing a schism in the Saṅgha are all weighty volitional actions (garu kamma), with a definite and irreversible result of rebirth in hell.

It is hard to see how these harsh words were beneficial to Devadatta as they did not deter him from further evil acts, and may have been what spurred him to take such drastic actions. However, they were beneficial to many others. After this refusal to hand over the leadership of the Saṅgha to Devadatta, the Buddha had a public declaration made that any actions done by Devadatta thereafter were his own only, and not those of the community.

However, the Buddha's speech was beneficial to others who might have been wavering in favour of Devadatta's extreme views on compulsory vegetarianism, asceticsm, etc.
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Dan74
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Dan74 » Sun Sep 01, 2019 12:31 pm

binocular wrote:
Sat Aug 31, 2019 8:35 pm
Dan74 wrote:
Sat Aug 31, 2019 5:56 pm
I am all for robust discussion. What helps though, is active listening, that is, trying to understand where the discussion partner is coming from,
Except to some extent for the Personal experience section, forum discussions are about exploring and understanding a topic, not the other person.
The people are often quite irrelevant per se and replaceable in such discussions; someone with sufficient knowledge can pick up where the other person has left off, because Dhamma topics are not personal. That's the whole point. Like in mathematics where all that is needed and all that matters to discuss mathematics is knowledge of mathematics.

It's tough to have to discuss the Dhamma on terms suitable for the setting of a family dinner or a watercooler conversation.
It is interesting that you draw parallels with mathematics. To me, the two could not be further apart. Mathematical knowledge is by definition, impersonal. There is, except on the semi-philosophical fringes, a universal agreement on what is true and what isn't, which method is correct and which is not appropriate, etc. The Dhamma, on the other hand, cannot be divorced from the personal. It is fundamentally a practice - rowing that raft to the other shore. And it only makes sense in the context of our experience, our practice.

However, here on the interwebs, if all we have are words on the screen and our reactions to them, the Dhamma discussions do become a very intellectual 'heady' pursuit, akin, as you say, to mathematics. Having a real-life practice, interactions with a Sangha and a teacher, is an entirely different thing. Kinda like preparing for a hike up a mountain, studying all the pros and cons of different equipment, different paths up to the summit, etc and actually walking it. When one walks it, experiences the practice, its rewards, but also its challenges and pitfalls, then discussing the Dhamma often takes on an entirely different meaning. It becomes intensely personal, since it happens in the depth of our being. Of course, even then, we can discuss techniques and technicalities, share inspirational suttas and teachings, inquire about the correct understanding of a passage. But this discussion is not abstract knowledge, but relates to the practice-here-and-now. Otherwise, it is just more burden, more unnecessary luggage to lug along.
_/|\_

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Geonny
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Geonny » Sun Sep 01, 2019 1:07 pm

Bhikkhu Pesala wrote:
Sun Sep 01, 2019 9:39 am
However, the Buddha's speech was beneficial to others who might have been wavering in favour of Devadatta's extreme views on compulsory vegetarianism, asceticsm, etc.
Thank you Venerable Sir for your reply.
With Metta
Geonny

Anthony
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Anthony » Sun Sep 01, 2019 2:26 pm

Arjen wrote:
Sun Sep 01, 2019 5:21 am
I will elaborate a little but further on my last post, as asked for by Anthony.

First: there are 3 stages when intention has to be checked: before, during and after speech (and action as well, but that js not the topic here).

Before speech I check first whether what I want to say is of benefit to the other. Then I check whether any personal defilement is involved, like wanting to be loved/seen/heard/noticed/ important/ better than the other , any boasting, any power play, contempt, whatsoever. If I feel any “stickiness” or “dirtiness” indicating an attachment I don’t talk.

I then “cut the attachment” (can not explain how I do it, but by clearly identifying it and seeing the disgustedness, it is easy to drop) and check whether I still want to have the conversation.

Then I check the “5 principles”.

The above does not take more than max a few seconds though - it became a habit already.

During speech I only check whether I still speak out of an attitude of metta.
After speech I evaluate, mostly by checking how I feel. Do I feel light, calm, peaceful. Good! Do I feel dirty or have a slightly bad taste in the mouth. Not good! See what can be improved next time.

From these evaluations I compiled a list with kilesa-traps, which is more a communication matrix though. Can’t post pictures, so can’t show it to you all. Here is the gist:
First column shows categories: plain criticism by others / abuse by others / compliments / others seeking approval and love / own speech.
The second column states the most skillful way of reacting - what is working for me with my understanding at this time.

I.e.: abuse by others: understand the habitual tendency is to get angry - accept it - muster a feeling of curiosity about the needs of the other which have not been met.

The category “own speech” details grey areas, what are good intentions and kilesa-traps
+ the list of my previous post
- and
+ chitchat is ok if intention is to create a sense of harmony, but be careful to keep it to a minimum.
+ when I feel a strong urge to speak - don’t! Certainly some kilesas are involved.
+ talking Dhamma is good, but careful for need for approval
+ careful with tendency to “shock” other people, that is my tendency for powerplay

When I started practicing “right speech ” I have been very quiet for a month or so. Whenever you want to say something there is a need behind it, a desire. Most of them are kilesas or mixed with kilesas. It takes quite a bit of work to determine for yourself what is skillful and what is not skillful speech. And then practicing to only use skillful speech. Or in case of using unskillful speech, know what is the kilesa behind it, and understand it is a bit too strong for you this time 🙂
This is really interesting and helpful, Arjen, thanks for taking the time to spell all of this out for us. I am going to use some of this in my practice. One thing that I especially appreciate is your emphasis upon knowing the specific motivations behind skillful and unskillful speech. Thanks!

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zerotime
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Re: Right Speech

Post by zerotime » Sun Sep 01, 2019 11:29 pm

Bhikkhu Pesala wrote:
Sun Sep 01, 2019 9:39 am
It is hard to see how these harsh words were beneficial to Devadatta as they did not deter him from further evil acts, and may have been what spurred him to take such drastic actions. However, they were beneficial to many others. After this refusal to hand over the leadership of the Saṅgha to Devadatta, the Buddha had a public declaration made that any actions done by Devadatta thereafter were his own only, and not those of the community.

However, the Buddha's speech was beneficial to others who might have been wavering in favour of Devadatta's extreme views on compulsory vegetarianism, asceticsm, etc.
venerable, my humble view is it was something trying to destroy Dhamma slowly, and accelerate that process for an uncovering was something good.
The Buddha did not experience any type of hate when saying those words but that fed up the hate in Devadatta and his reaction, because he was not able to be free from hate and ill-will.

Commonly, the Right Speech is taught as a concern to avoid offenses and it should be made. However, we cannot forget what should exist previously to the Right Speech which is honesty. Please, correct me if I'm wrong. I don't think the Right Speech can exist without the mental purification of Honesty, I believe this should be a previous condition

Maybe the Buddha closed a door for a friendship with Devadatta, alhough...

Image


Honesty characteristically never deceives, its function is to verify what is actual
and factual. Honesty's manifestation is sheer excellence...
Sincere and exact truthfulness is the proximate cause of honesty!
All evil states, and all crimes converge upon a transgression of this Truth...
Devotion to Truth is the only reliable foundation of all Nobility!


https://what-buddha-said.net/drops/Truth_Triumphs.htm

:namaste:

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Nwad
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Re: Right Speech

Post by Nwad » Mon Sep 02, 2019 6:58 pm

Arjen wrote:
Sun Sep 01, 2019 5:21 am
I will elaborate a little but further on my last post, as asked for by Anthony.

First: there are 3 stages when intention has to be checked: before, during and after speech (and action as well, but that js not the topic here).

Before speech I check first whether what I want to say is of benefit to the other. Then I check whether any personal defilement is involved, like wanting to be loved/seen/heard/noticed/ important/ better than the other , any boasting, any power play, contempt, whatsoever. If I feel any “stickiness” or “dirtiness” indicating an attachment I don’t talk.

I then “cut the attachment” (can not explain how I do it, but by clearly identifying it and seeing the disgustedness, it is easy to drop) and check whether I still want to have the conversation.

Then I check the “5 principles”.

The above does not take more than max a few seconds though - it became a habit already.

During speech I only check whether I still speak out of an attitude of metta.
After speech I evaluate, mostly by checking how I feel. Do I feel light, calm, peaceful. Good! Do I feel dirty or have a slightly bad taste in the mouth. Not good! See what can be improved next time.

From these evaluations I compiled a list with kilesa-traps, which is more a communication matrix though. Can’t post pictures, so can’t show it to you all. Here is the gist:
First column shows categories: plain criticism by others / abuse by others / compliments / others seeking approval and love / own speech.
The second column states the most skillful way of reacting - what is working for me with my understanding at this time.

I.e.: abuse by others: understand the habitual tendency is to get angry - accept it - muster a feeling of curiosity about the needs of the other which have not been met.

The category “own speech” details grey areas, what are good intentions and kilesa-traps
+ the list of my previous post
- and
+ chitchat is ok if intention is to create a sense of harmony, but be careful to keep it to a minimum.
+ when I feel a strong urge to speak - don’t! Certainly some kilesas are involved.
+ talking Dhamma is good, but careful for need for approval
+ careful with tendency to “shock” other people, that is my tendency for powerplay

When I started practicing “right speech ” I have been very quiet for a month or so. Whenever you want to say something there is a need behind it, a desire. Most of them are kilesas or mixed with kilesas. It takes quite a bit of work to determine for yourself what is skillful and what is not skillful speech. And then practicing to only use skillful speech. Or in case of using unskillful speech, know what is the kilesa behind it, and understand it is a bit too strong for you this time 🙂
:anjali: :goodpost: :bow:
Great job Arjen! Thanks for your gift

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