Hi OP
Sadhu for your aspirations and forgive poor articulation and appearance of the post!
Abstaining from masturbation is hard. I really wish I could stop masturbating
Is it hard or is it practically impossible at this point? Thing is that you have to realize that it is not up to you, if it was up to you then you would not have this problem, there is conditioning and there is volition to the conditioning. Liking is conditioned, craving is conditioned. So i can hardly blame u for this.
Whenever you want to fap just be aware of the wanting, try and notice where wanting turns into a determination, observe the craving, desire, decision making, hestitation, observe feelings. So when you do fap, do it mindfully, note "stroking, stroking", touching, feeling, seeing, hearing, or "liking, liking" or "up, down" as it seems to you int the process, note the orgasm too, also notice the calm that is gained after orgasm, just do the whole thing mindfully, note all Four Satipatthanas. Observe what happens when you forget about it or get carried away, note fantasies and mental images too, liking etc, ill repeat myself again and again here note all Four Satipatthanas:)
By doing this you will gradually recondition and reevaluate your liking of it. Note the guilt when you feel it and disappointment if it comes up. Also be mindful of wanting to abandon.
There is a video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5Lg9P-VekA feel rather stupid typing it all out in hindsight, couldve just linked you that one.
Another thing is that if you were to ordain it would be easier to deal with because you would not see women much and you would likely be able to stop even if you broke the precept and had to confess a few times, you could train Asubha and all the factors would contribute to rewire you rather quickly.
There is also the "peer pressure" factor for lack of a better word, where when nobody around u faps and are happy it will have an effect on you as well in regards to affecting your behavior.
Eating at the right time is hard.
Same thing basically. Desire is blameworthy but not as much as Anger and takes long time to get rid of, be patient, establish Sati. There is not much else you can do.
Fasting is not the way either, although it can trigger some positive things. There is a Sutta which i cant recall atm but there the Buddha pointed out that it is rather dumb (as i interperet it) to abandon something just to later gain it back as in abstaining from food just to later having to eat alot to make up for it(loss of strength). If you develope Sati that is enough.
what will lead to my success, what is currently leading to my failure
Nava Sutta: The Ship
At Savatthi. There the Blessed One said, "I tell you, monks: It is for one who knows & sees that there is the ending of the effluents. For one who knows what & sees what is there the ending of the effluents? 'Such is form, such its origination, such its passing away. Such is feeling... Such is perception... Such are fabrications... Such is consciousness, such its origination, such its passing away.' It is for one who knows & sees in this way that there is the ending of the effluents.
"Even though this wish may occur to a monk who dwells without devoting himself to development — 'O that my mind might be released from effluents through lack of clinging!' — still his mind is not released from the effluents through lack of clinging. Why is that? From lack of developing, it should be said. Lack of developing what? The four frames of reference, the four right exertions, the four bases of power, the five faculties, the five strengths, the seven factors for Awakening, the noble eightfold path.
"Suppose a hen has eight, ten, or twelve eggs: If she doesn't cover them rightly, warm them rightly, or incubate them rightly, then even though this wish may occur to her — 'O that my chicks might break through the egg shells with their spiked claws or beaks and hatch out safely!' — still it is not possible that the chicks will break through the egg shells with their spiked claws or beaks and hatch out safely. Why is that? Because the hen has not covered them rightly, warmed them rightly, or incubated them rightly. In the same way, even though this wish may occur to a monk who dwells without devoting himself to development — 'O that my mind might be released from effluents through lack of clinging!' — still his mind is not released from the effluents through lack of clinging. Why is that? From lack of developing, it should be said. Lack of developing what? The four frames of reference, the four right exertions, the four bases of power, the five faculties, the five strengths, the seven factors for Awakening, the noble eightfold path.
"Even though this wish may not occur to a monk who dwells devoting himself to development — 'O that my mind might be released from effluents through lack of clinging!' — still his mind is released from the effluents through lack of clinging. Why is that? From developing, it should be said. Developing what? The four frames of reference, the four right exertions, the four bases of power, the five faculties, the five strengths, the seven factors for Awakening, the noble eightfold path.
"Suppose a hen has eight, ten, or twelve eggs that she covers rightly, warms rightly, & incubates rightly: Even though this wish may not occur to her — 'O that my chicks might break through the egg shells with their spiked claws or beaks and hatch out safely!' — still it is possible that the chicks will break through the egg shells with their spiked claws or beaks and hatch out safely. Why is that? Because the hen has covered them, warmed them, & incubated them rightly. In the same way, even though this wish may not occur to a monk who dwells devoting himself to development — 'O that my mind might be released from effluents through lack of clinging!' — still his mind is released from the effluents through lack of clinging. Why is that? From developing, it should be said. Developing what? The four frames of reference, the four right exertions, the four bases of power, the five faculties, the five strengths, the seven factors for Awakening, the noble eightfold path.
"Just as when a carpenter or carpenter's apprentice sees the marks of his fingers or thumb on the handle of his adze but does not know, 'Today my adze handle wore down this much, or yesterday it wore down that much, or the day before yesterday it wore down this much,' still he knows it is worn through when it is worn through. In the same way, when a monk dwells devoting himself to development, he does not know, 'Today my effluents wore down this much, or yesterday they wore down that much, or the day before yesterday they wore down this much,' still he knows they are worn through when they are worn through.
"Just as when an ocean-going ship, rigged with masts & stays, after six months on the water, is left on shore for the winter: Its stays, weathered by the heat & wind, moistened by the clouds of the rainy season, easily wither & rot away. In the same way, when a monk dwells devoting himself to development, his fetters easily wither & rot away."
formal meditation practise is most effection for developement of Sati, for this exertion is needed, for exertion contemplating is needed, for contemplating desire is needed, for desire poundering and coming to agreement with the teaching. Listen to the Dhamma, remember, think about it, study and penetrate the meaning. source: MN 95
gl:)
