Eradicating sex drive

Buddhist ethical conduct including the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
santa100
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by santa100 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:13 pm

There're different levels of happiness. The higher the level, the more subtle, long-lasting, and peaceful. Good entertaintment, fine living, hobbies, companionship, etc. sure brings happiness. But obviously this level of happiness stops when these things are gone or worse, turning against one! Cultivating virtues, practicing meditation, contemplating the Buddha's teachings might be difficult at the beginning but they bring one to higher, more blissful and long-lasting levels of happiness. Eventually it will culminate in the highest kind of happiness which is Nibbana.

Sanjay PS
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by Sanjay PS » Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:24 pm

santa100 wrote:There're different levels of happiness. The higher the level, the more subtle, long-lasting, and peaceful. Good entertaintment, fine living, hobbies, companionship, etc. sure brings happiness. But obviously this level of happiness stops when these things are gone or worse, turning against one! Cultivating virtues, practicing meditation, contemplating the Buddha's teachings might be difficult at the beginning but they bring one to higher, more blissful and long-lasting levels of happiness. Eventually it will culminate in the highest kind of happiness which is Nibbana.

Words of Wisdom , always gladdens the heart .

Thank you.

sanjay
The Path of Dhamma

The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!

U S.N. Goenka

NotQuiteSure
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by NotQuiteSure » Sun Oct 27, 2013 6:37 pm

Hi again,

it seems I'm writing this message the second time today. The first time it didn't get posted.

You are of course right that fighting my sex drive, trying to eradicate it is extreme and would only make the suffering worse. Thank you for reminding me to just be mindful of my feelings. I wrote my first post shortly after I got overwhelmed by them.

I don't think, however, that remaining celibate till the end of year is extreme. It is a period short enough to withstand it and long enough to see if it brings any effects. And having a set time period, then evaluating the outcome is much easier for me than doing it one day at a time. I guess that's because I'm a very goal-oriented person.

I have restored my daily sittings, thank you for advising that. This time, however, I'm going to focus more on samadhi and metta. I feel that metta meditation might be crucial for me since I've been somewhat neglecting it in the past and I've developed a lot of anger due to my involuntary celibacy. I've bought Bhante G.'s 'Beyond Mindfulness in Plain English' and I'm going to do jhana-oriented meditation. And off the cushion I will focus on mindfulness and metta. I don't think asubha would be the right way for me at this moment - while it might lower my sex drive, I clearly need to get my mindfulness stronger and this is a great opportunityto to train. Thank you for mentioning it, though. I will keep it in my mind in case I decide to try it in the future.

Unfortunately, loving relationship is not an option for me, at least in foreseeable future.

Bubba, good for you! To me, Buddhism is all about happines, and if you are happy that's great! Too bad not all of us can say that ;)
Of course sex is not half of what it's cracked up to be but between the hormones raging and the pop culture brainwashing, you are not going to really believe me.
Oh, I do believe you. That's what I've been suspecting for a long time. My body, though, has a totally different opinion on the subject matter ;)

Thank you once again to everyone who contributed in this topic and thank you for your metta.

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BubbaBuddhist
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by BubbaBuddhist » Mon Oct 28, 2013 5:36 pm

:namaste:
Author of Redneck Buddhism: or Will You Reincarnate as Your Own Cousin?

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reflection
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by reflection » Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:47 pm

Body follows mind on this matter.

I wish you much luck abstaining for as long as you see fit. Please know that you are not the only one finding a way. I'm also trying not to engage in any sexual activities till I go on a year long retreat soonish. Of course, over there (and after) I plan to keep with it, but the environment there is more fit to it so I know it'll be easier.

I hope it'll work out for you. From quite some years of on and off struggling I can say it is not so easy, and there is no single trick for it. But if you keep with it, you will make progress and it will become easier and easier. It is worth it, I already notice so much peace. I don't know if I'll ever totally eradicate the sex drive in this life -to me this seems unlikely- but I'm happy with every little bit of decrease. That's why I previously said to take it day by day.

I suggest reading the sutta MN20. The five tactics mentioned there are very good to work with desires when they come up.

One more piece of advice, if you don't make it till the end of the year, don't be mad but just start over again. If you learn from your mistakes then each time it'll be harder to fall. Be prepared to find and fight some inner demons. Maybe especially because you are young like me (I'm 26).

Hope this helps in any way.

With metta,
Reflection

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Mindstar
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by Mindstar » Tue Oct 29, 2013 9:34 am

I´m also in a process to eradicate the sex drive simply because its a type of pleasure that really can corrupt the mind a lot. The more you indulge in it the stronger grows the craving for it. In addition it seems to be so primitive and so short lasting, not really worth it. Because of these perceptions i think i will be successful in the end.

What is however much more troubling to me is the emotional lacks and cravings in regard to women. I must have really delighted in women in my past lives to have such a strong underlying tendency to that type of craving. Maybe you could call it the craving for the delight in the exchange of metta energy (or "falling in love").

It is however not that much different to sexual craving as it has also arisen on pleasurable sense contact that creates a strong inner feeling of happiness and because of that is able to corrupt the mind and leads to attachment. That craving is also supported by states of mental sufferings that strengthen the underlying tendencies of the mind towards pleasurable objects (women).

The strongest weapon against that corruption is mindfulness in the moment. Because there are cute women at my working place i have daily practice what will surely prove to be very helpful to me in the future. Oh and i`m young too -> 28 ;)
Last edited by Mindstar on Tue Oct 29, 2013 9:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

Higher than lordship over all earth,
Higher than sojourning in heavens supreme,
Higher than empire over all the worlds,
Is Fruit of Entrance to the Dhamma Stream.
—Dhammapada

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tiltbillings
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by tiltbillings » Tue Oct 29, 2013 9:52 am

Mindstar wrote:eradicate the sex drive
That will not happen.
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723

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Mindstar
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by Mindstar » Tue Oct 29, 2013 10:21 am

tiltbillings wrote:That will not happen.
Oh no.. please don`t disturb my enthusiasm :lol:

I would disagree however.
On a level of mind made realms (First Jhana and upwards) all beings are androgynous that is why no sexual craving exists.
Deep meditations are therefore a temporary relief of that craving.
On a bodily level it might be true for now but who knows what the future brings.. genetic modifications maybe?

Higher than lordship over all earth,
Higher than sojourning in heavens supreme,
Higher than empire over all the worlds,
Is Fruit of Entrance to the Dhamma Stream.
—Dhammapada

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zerotime
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by zerotime » Tue Oct 29, 2013 10:59 pm

there is a commentary from Mahasi Sayadaw on Culavedalla Sutta. Visakha the layman was attached to sex when he was a sotapanna until he reached anagami. Then, after two days without going to bed, his wife force him to give some explanation:

"Listen, Dhammadeinna. I have attained Lokottaa Dhamma (spiritual attainment transcending the world) that would shape my future, after I have heard the Buddha’s sermon. On the first and second occasions when I achieved the Dhamma, I was not yet completely free from the feelings connected with sensual pleasures, and, therefore, at that time our marital relationship had not yet changed. Now on this third occasion, the Dhamma which I have gained is immensely peculiar and surprising."

M.Sayadaw - (p.6,7) http://www.yellowrobe.com/images/librar ... 0SUTTA.pdf

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mikenz66
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by mikenz66 » Tue Oct 29, 2013 11:11 pm

Hi Zerotime,

That's an interesting commentary. The version here: http://aimwell.org/culavedalla.html is a little more readable.

:anjali:
Mike

Samma
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by Samma » Wed Oct 30, 2013 4:31 am

Ah a controversial topic, and interesting one.
Biological sex drive eradicated...of course not. Texts clearly say arahants had wet dreams right? But the psychologically stressful side...why not?

There was a story with ajahn chah and sumedho maybe? Chah asked when a group of women came if he liked the look of them. The other monk said something like: I like, but I don't want. And Chah seemd to like that answer a lot.
BubbaBuddhist wrote:I love my life with my operas and my sweet woman, and my Oreos and my morning coffee (not necessarily in that order). Funny how people try to convince me that I'm not really happy,I'm just deluded into thinking I'm happy.BB
I sincerely hope by this point you have come to some understanding of the difference between worldly joy and unworldly joy. Its easily enough stated that what you are talking about is worldly happiness.
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .nypo.html

More light hearted, did you miss all that stuff about oreos being as addictive as cocaine? :tongue:
http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/10/16/ore ... s-cocaine/

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manas
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by manas » Wed Oct 30, 2013 4:54 am

Whenever I see the title of this topic, I think of this

Image

Seriously, this idea that we can somehow just 'eradicate' sex desire, something so ingrained in our nature that it doesn't totally disappear until the anagami stage - which most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, will probably not reach in this lifetime - misses the mark, imho. I think the focus should be less on 'eradication' and more on 'applying mindfulness and wisdom in dealing with it' - cos it's going to be around for a while.

metta
Knowing this body is like a clay jar,
securing this mind like a fort,
attack Mara with the spear of discernment,
then guard what's won without settling there,
without laying claim.

- Dhp 40

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manas
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by manas » Wed Oct 30, 2013 5:13 am

BubbaBuddhist wrote:I love my life with my operas and my sweet woman, and my Oreos and my morning coffee (not necessarily in that order). Funny how people try to convince me that I'm not really happy,I'm just deluded into thinking I'm happy.BB
Bubba, that sounds kind of appealing, except I would trade the oreos for tim-tams...

:anjali:
Knowing this body is like a clay jar,
securing this mind like a fort,
attack Mara with the spear of discernment,
then guard what's won without settling there,
without laying claim.

- Dhp 40

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Dhammanando
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by Dhammanando » Wed Oct 30, 2013 7:23 am

Samma wrote:Texts clearly say arahants had wet dreams right?
No. The texts state that it isn't a Vinaya offence when a bhikkhu has a nocturnal emission, but whether or not an arahant can have one was a disputed point in early Buddhism. The Theravadins sided with the anti-snoregasm camp.

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tiltbillings
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Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by tiltbillings » Wed Oct 30, 2013 7:32 am

Dhammanando wrote: anti-snoregasm
Brilliant. You are my hero.
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723

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