Eradicating sex drive

Buddhist ethical conduct including the Five Precepts (Pañcasikkhāpada), and Eightfold Ethical Conduct (Aṭṭhasīla).
User avatar
daverupa
Posts: 5980
Joined: Mon Jan 31, 2011 6:58 pm

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by daverupa » Fri Oct 25, 2013 2:42 pm

BubbaBuddhist wrote:I must be doing it wrong. :lol:
Not at all, friend, you simply have not yet attended to the appropriate theme for a useful length of time in terms of sensuality.

Consider the simile of the bait, hook, and escape in terms of sensual pleasures; the bait is already easy to see, when you are pursuing such things, so you've already begun! Just consider, next, the hook...
  • "And how is it, bhikkhus, that by protecting oneself one protects others? By the pursuit, development, and cultivation of the four establishments of mindfulness. It is in such a way that by protecting oneself one protects others.

    "And how is it, bhikkhus, that by protecting others one protects oneself? By patience, harmlessness, goodwill, and sympathy. It is in such a way that by protecting others one protects oneself.

- Sedaka Sutta [SN 47.19]

Sanjay PS
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:26 pm

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by Sanjay PS » Fri Oct 25, 2013 4:40 pm

BubbaBuddhist wrote:I wonder what ever became of Tapussa? the Buddha described how his contemplations on the pitfalls of sensuality led to his rise to Buddhahood. Of Tapussa's reaction to the Buddha's discourse we apparently have no record. Did he ordain? Did he give the Enlightenment speech ("Excellent dear sir, Excellent! As, one might set upright what had been upset, or disclose what had been covered...etc). Did he decide renunciation was too hard, go home and continue the sensual life of a layman, eat Cheetos, drink wine, love up his wife, go to shadow-shows?

I wish I knew.

Sometimes I think I'm a terrible Buddhist because I know the world is a crappy place, that everything is subject to decay, impermanent, dukkha. Yet in spite of this I enjoy myself and experience inner content. I must be doing it wrong. :lol:
Hi Bubba ,

It really nice to have read about the tender loving care and intimacy that you share with your partner . Unfortunately i have never been able to stir tender loving care and intimacy together , but most happily have stopped looking outside in every way ,and thus have become that much happier a man :smile:

There are beings in the higher realms who share such intimacy ,though devoid of bodily contact , and experience relative inner content and lead a happy life . However , as we go deeper and deeper within our own mind , what is perceived as inner content will keep redefining itself in every thing that we do and realize .Hence , even beings of the pure abode become greatly delighted when they get the tool of insight from the Enlightened One and start examining their own purity of mind. Its a very steady learning curve which can withstand all kinds of investigation , provided we are ruthlessly honest in our approach to ourselves , and yes as Dave remarked , affection however lightly sensual and tender it may be , does have a proclivity to eventually fire up :embarassed: . Hence , sooner or later we come to naturally abandon the heat of sensuality, just as we abandon the killing of beings however tiny it may be.

i enjoy the journey so much , there are no words to describe our good fortune to discover such a universal tool of liberation that breaks the very shackles of our minds and our habits.

sanjay
The Path of Dhamma

The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!

U S.N. Goenka

User avatar
BubbaBuddhist
Posts: 640
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 5:55 am
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by BubbaBuddhist » Fri Oct 25, 2013 4:50 pm

I may be too old a dog to change. :tongue: I'm 55 years old, have been practicing Buddhism for 30+ years. Kinda set in my ways. I was going to take the robe 15 years ago or so and studied toward that end, even to the point of learning a whole lot of Pali, but realized it wasn't for me. I'm content where I am, a lusty layman. I salute you guys who sound to me to be anagamis, but I love my life with my operas and my sweet woman, and my Oreos and my morning coffee (not necessarily in that order). Funny how people try to convince me that I'm not really happy,I'm just deluded into thinking I'm happy.

BB
Author of Redneck Buddhism: or Will You Reincarnate as Your Own Cousin?

User avatar
kmath
Posts: 257
Joined: Thu Mar 14, 2013 6:44 pm

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by kmath » Fri Oct 25, 2013 8:50 pm

BubbaBuddhist wrote:I may be too old a dog to change. :tongue: I'm 55 years old, have been practicing Buddhism for 30+ years. Kinda set in my ways. I was going to take the robe 15 years ago or so and studied toward that end, even to the point of learning a whole lot of Pali, but realized it wasn't for me. I'm content where I am, a lusty layman. I salute you guys who sound to me to be anagamis, but I love my life with my operas and my sweet woman, and my Oreos and my morning coffee (not necessarily in that order). Funny how people try to convince me that I'm not really happy,I'm just deluded into thinking I'm happy.

BB
Thanks for posting :thumbsup:

Sanjay PS
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:26 pm

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by Sanjay PS » Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:48 am

BubbaBuddhist wrote:I may be too old a dog to change. :tongue: I'm 55 years old, have been practicing Buddhism for 30+ years. Kinda set in my ways. I was going to take the robe 15 years ago or so and studied toward that end, even to the point of learning a whole lot of Pali, but realized it wasn't for me. I'm content where I am, a lusty layman. I salute you guys who sound to me to be anagamis, but I love my life with my operas and my sweet woman, and my Oreos and my morning coffee (not necessarily in that order). Funny how people try to convince me that I'm not really happy,I'm just deluded into thinking I'm happy.

BB
Hi Bubba,

i am not even a basic noble person by any yard stick , and did not seek to convince you about happiness or no happiness in life . My appreciation to your post earlier was sincere . There are people just as you , who experience the subtleness of life , the opera , the fine living , the content of companionship , the adrenalin rush of sports or the bliss of engaging in their passionate hobbies . These eras can go on for extended time periods together . i know it is difficult to comprehend dukkha in these states , just as it is difficult to come to terms with dukkha in the divine states of living .

But then , just your mental volition of wanting to take to the robes , and studying such in that direction , naturally accumulates a very vast dam of goodwill and well being for times to come . Nice knowing you.

sanjay
The Path of Dhamma

The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!

U S.N. Goenka

santa100
Posts: 3130
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2011 10:55 pm

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by santa100 » Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:13 pm

There're different levels of happiness. The higher the level, the more subtle, long-lasting, and peaceful. Good entertaintment, fine living, hobbies, companionship, etc. sure brings happiness. But obviously this level of happiness stops when these things are gone or worse, turning against one! Cultivating virtues, practicing meditation, contemplating the Buddha's teachings might be difficult at the beginning but they bring one to higher, more blissful and long-lasting levels of happiness. Eventually it will culminate in the highest kind of happiness which is Nibbana.

Sanjay PS
Posts: 311
Joined: Thu Sep 26, 2013 2:26 pm

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by Sanjay PS » Sun Oct 27, 2013 4:24 pm

santa100 wrote:There're different levels of happiness. The higher the level, the more subtle, long-lasting, and peaceful. Good entertaintment, fine living, hobbies, companionship, etc. sure brings happiness. But obviously this level of happiness stops when these things are gone or worse, turning against one! Cultivating virtues, practicing meditation, contemplating the Buddha's teachings might be difficult at the beginning but they bring one to higher, more blissful and long-lasting levels of happiness. Eventually it will culminate in the highest kind of happiness which is Nibbana.

Words of Wisdom , always gladdens the heart .

Thank you.

sanjay
The Path of Dhamma

The path of Dhamma is no picnic . It is a strenuous march steeply up the hill . If all the comrades desert you , Walk alone ! Walk alone ! with all the Thrill !!

U S.N. Goenka

NotQuiteSure
Posts: 4
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 4:41 pm

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by NotQuiteSure » Sun Oct 27, 2013 6:37 pm

Hi again,

it seems I'm writing this message the second time today. The first time it didn't get posted.

You are of course right that fighting my sex drive, trying to eradicate it is extreme and would only make the suffering worse. Thank you for reminding me to just be mindful of my feelings. I wrote my first post shortly after I got overwhelmed by them.

I don't think, however, that remaining celibate till the end of year is extreme. It is a period short enough to withstand it and long enough to see if it brings any effects. And having a set time period, then evaluating the outcome is much easier for me than doing it one day at a time. I guess that's because I'm a very goal-oriented person.

I have restored my daily sittings, thank you for advising that. This time, however, I'm going to focus more on samadhi and metta. I feel that metta meditation might be crucial for me since I've been somewhat neglecting it in the past and I've developed a lot of anger due to my involuntary celibacy. I've bought Bhante G.'s 'Beyond Mindfulness in Plain English' and I'm going to do jhana-oriented meditation. And off the cushion I will focus on mindfulness and metta. I don't think asubha would be the right way for me at this moment - while it might lower my sex drive, I clearly need to get my mindfulness stronger and this is a great opportunityto to train. Thank you for mentioning it, though. I will keep it in my mind in case I decide to try it in the future.

Unfortunately, loving relationship is not an option for me, at least in foreseeable future.

Bubba, good for you! To me, Buddhism is all about happines, and if you are happy that's great! Too bad not all of us can say that ;)
Of course sex is not half of what it's cracked up to be but between the hormones raging and the pop culture brainwashing, you are not going to really believe me.
Oh, I do believe you. That's what I've been suspecting for a long time. My body, though, has a totally different opinion on the subject matter ;)

Thank you once again to everyone who contributed in this topic and thank you for your metta.

User avatar
BubbaBuddhist
Posts: 640
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2009 5:55 am
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee
Contact:

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by BubbaBuddhist » Mon Oct 28, 2013 5:36 pm

:namaste:
Author of Redneck Buddhism: or Will You Reincarnate as Your Own Cousin?

User avatar
reflection
Posts: 1116
Joined: Wed Mar 30, 2011 9:27 pm

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by reflection » Mon Oct 28, 2013 7:47 pm

Body follows mind on this matter.

I wish you much luck abstaining for as long as you see fit. Please know that you are not the only one finding a way. I'm also trying not to engage in any sexual activities till I go on a year long retreat soonish. Of course, over there (and after) I plan to keep with it, but the environment there is more fit to it so I know it'll be easier.

I hope it'll work out for you. From quite some years of on and off struggling I can say it is not so easy, and there is no single trick for it. But if you keep with it, you will make progress and it will become easier and easier. It is worth it, I already notice so much peace. I don't know if I'll ever totally eradicate the sex drive in this life -to me this seems unlikely- but I'm happy with every little bit of decrease. That's why I previously said to take it day by day.

I suggest reading the sutta MN20. The five tactics mentioned there are very good to work with desires when they come up.

One more piece of advice, if you don't make it till the end of the year, don't be mad but just start over again. If you learn from your mistakes then each time it'll be harder to fall. Be prepared to find and fight some inner demons. Maybe especially because you are young like me (I'm 26).

Hope this helps in any way.

With metta,
Reflection

User avatar
Mindstar
Posts: 80
Joined: Thu Apr 11, 2013 4:44 am

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by Mindstar » Tue Oct 29, 2013 9:34 am

I´m also in a process to eradicate the sex drive simply because its a type of pleasure that really can corrupt the mind a lot. The more you indulge in it the stronger grows the craving for it. In addition it seems to be so primitive and so short lasting, not really worth it. Because of these perceptions i think i will be successful in the end.

What is however much more troubling to me is the emotional lacks and cravings in regard to women. I must have really delighted in women in my past lives to have such a strong underlying tendency to that type of craving. Maybe you could call it the craving for the delight in the exchange of metta energy (or "falling in love").

It is however not that much different to sexual craving as it has also arisen on pleasurable sense contact that creates a strong inner feeling of happiness and because of that is able to corrupt the mind and leads to attachment. That craving is also supported by states of mental sufferings that strengthen the underlying tendencies of the mind towards pleasurable objects (women).

The strongest weapon against that corruption is mindfulness in the moment. Because there are cute women at my working place i have daily practice what will surely prove to be very helpful to me in the future. Oh and i`m young too -> 28 ;)
Last edited by Mindstar on Tue Oct 29, 2013 9:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

Higher than lordship over all earth,
Higher than sojourning in heavens supreme,
Higher than empire over all the worlds,
Is Fruit of Entrance to the Dhamma Stream.
—Dhammapada

User avatar
tiltbillings
Posts: 23044
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:25 am

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by tiltbillings » Tue Oct 29, 2013 9:52 am

Mindstar wrote:eradicate the sex drive
That will not happen.
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723

User avatar
Mindstar
Posts: 80
Joined: Thu Apr 11, 2013 4:44 am

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by Mindstar » Tue Oct 29, 2013 10:21 am

tiltbillings wrote:That will not happen.
Oh no.. please don`t disturb my enthusiasm :lol:

I would disagree however.
On a level of mind made realms (First Jhana and upwards) all beings are androgynous that is why no sexual craving exists.
Deep meditations are therefore a temporary relief of that craving.
On a bodily level it might be true for now but who knows what the future brings.. genetic modifications maybe?

Higher than lordship over all earth,
Higher than sojourning in heavens supreme,
Higher than empire over all the worlds,
Is Fruit of Entrance to the Dhamma Stream.
—Dhammapada

User avatar
zerotime
Posts: 128
Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2009 10:55 pm

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by zerotime » Tue Oct 29, 2013 10:59 pm

there is a commentary from Mahasi Sayadaw on Culavedalla Sutta. Visakha the layman was attached to sex when he was a sotapanna until he reached anagami. Then, after two days without going to bed, his wife force him to give some explanation:

"Listen, Dhammadeinna. I have attained Lokottaa Dhamma (spiritual attainment transcending the world) that would shape my future, after I have heard the Buddha’s sermon. On the first and second occasions when I achieved the Dhamma, I was not yet completely free from the feelings connected with sensual pleasures, and, therefore, at that time our marital relationship had not yet changed. Now on this third occasion, the Dhamma which I have gained is immensely peculiar and surprising."

M.Sayadaw - (p.6,7) http://www.yellowrobe.com/images/librar ... 0SUTTA.pdf

User avatar
mikenz66
Posts: 16469
Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 7:37 am
Location: Aotearoa, New Zealand

Re: Eradicating sex drive

Post by mikenz66 » Tue Oct 29, 2013 11:11 pm

Hi Zerotime,

That's an interesting commentary. The version here: http://aimwell.org/culavedalla.html is a little more readable.

:anjali:
Mike

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 40 guests