Working with grief
Working with grief
Is satipatthana the only way to heal grief?
Take care of mindfulness and mindfulness will take care of you.
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dharmacorps
- Posts: 2298
- Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 7:33 pm
Re: Working with grief
Although concentration and mindfulness ameliorate a lot of grief if consistently practiced, the brahmaviharas can help too. So can generosity-- dedicating merit to the deceased. I lost a few friends this year, so unfortunately the practice is fresh in my mind. I wish you increasing peace over whoever you lost, friend.
Re: Working with grief
Grief will be fully eliminated only by Anagamis.
Satipattana and contemplation on Anatta, Dukkha, and Anatta help a lot.
I hope you are coping with the lost one.
Satipattana and contemplation on Anatta, Dukkha, and Anatta help a lot.
I hope you are coping with the lost one.
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
Re: Working with grief
A few observations that hopefully will be if some benefit.
First, it seems to me that "grief" is a rather gross-level fabrication/concept that is applied to label many different actual experiences (related to loss) over time. I think those who study it actually say it has stages, which supports that "grief" is a higher order label (that might not even be an appropriate label for a specific experience known from within). What this suggests to me for practice is not to get too caught up in calling any specific element of experience "grief." Just be aware of what specifically is being experienced. If those who study reactions to loss are correct, many different things will arise (stay and pass) -- many other (non-grief) things will also arise, stay and pass.
This suggests a parallel to some of the instructions about physical pain -- realize that pain is a label and focus on the actuality of the experience: sensations, changes, reactions. Also, see the pain in the larger context of experience (as in, realize that while the knee hurts, there are other areas of the body that do not - don't isolate and focus on the "problem").
Finally, framing it as something one should "heal" from may not set up the right context. Various elements of experience, the cause of which can reasonably be traced to loss, are merely that. And, I don't mean to be insensitive but, in some sense these reactions to loss are gifts -- they are often poignant and can be felt as "worthy of attention," thereby supporting our activity of attention. Also, the task associated with the first noble truth is to understand dukkha -- these experiences provide a chance to become more familiar with one's inner life and to directly see the dynamics of dukkha.
I am sorry if any of this seems insensitive; I offer it with good intention and hope there is perhaps something useful here -- it's just my 2 cents anyway.
First, it seems to me that "grief" is a rather gross-level fabrication/concept that is applied to label many different actual experiences (related to loss) over time. I think those who study it actually say it has stages, which supports that "grief" is a higher order label (that might not even be an appropriate label for a specific experience known from within). What this suggests to me for practice is not to get too caught up in calling any specific element of experience "grief." Just be aware of what specifically is being experienced. If those who study reactions to loss are correct, many different things will arise (stay and pass) -- many other (non-grief) things will also arise, stay and pass.
This suggests a parallel to some of the instructions about physical pain -- realize that pain is a label and focus on the actuality of the experience: sensations, changes, reactions. Also, see the pain in the larger context of experience (as in, realize that while the knee hurts, there are other areas of the body that do not - don't isolate and focus on the "problem").
Finally, framing it as something one should "heal" from may not set up the right context. Various elements of experience, the cause of which can reasonably be traced to loss, are merely that. And, I don't mean to be insensitive but, in some sense these reactions to loss are gifts -- they are often poignant and can be felt as "worthy of attention," thereby supporting our activity of attention. Also, the task associated with the first noble truth is to understand dukkha -- these experiences provide a chance to become more familiar with one's inner life and to directly see the dynamics of dukkha.
I am sorry if any of this seems insensitive; I offer it with good intention and hope there is perhaps something useful here -- it's just my 2 cents anyway.
Those who grasp at perceptions & views wander the internet creating friction. [based on Sn4:9,v.847]
Re: Working with grief
No, that's not insensitive thank you.
Take care of mindfulness and mindfulness will take care of you.