Kalyanamitta

General discussion of issues related to Theravada Meditation, e.g. meditation postures, developing a regular sitting practice, skillfully relating to difficulties and hindrances, etc.
Pseudobabble
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Apr 17, 2017 11:11 am

Kalyanamitta

Postby Pseudobabble » Thu Apr 20, 2017 8:46 pm

HI Everyone,

My first topic :woohoo:

I am beginning to realise exactly how important is this particular part of the path. I have seen through personal experience how much the habits and behaviours of one's friends affect one's own. My friends, as much as I love them, and as much as I select people for their personal integrity, take drugs, and are involved in hateful emotions and greedy chasing of pleasures. I don't blame them for this, but I have seen first hand how detrimental it is to my own state of mind and practice. Living with my best friends last year basically destroyed my meditation practice. I could have kept going through a effort of will, but it would have meant dissociating from them while living with them. Perhaps I am too weak.

If anyone is not familiar with Kalyanamittata, check it out here.

First, I'd like to thank the people on this forum, because at the least, you are all a kind of Kalyanamitta, even if it is via a screen and keyboard. This forum helped me keep hope alive for the path and practice.

Second, I'd like to ask forum members for their advice in finding admirable friendship. I have trouble finding friends in the first place, as I am pretty introverted, and I find that many, if not most, people are completely deluded about how life works. I leave open the possibility that it is me who is deluded about life (and I know that to an extent I am) but finding sane and sensible people in this world is hard enough, without adding the requirement that they are Kalyanamitta. I have looked in some meditation and spirituality groups, but there is a lot of spiritual bypassing and spiritual materialism going around in those circles, and associating with those people makes me feel icky.

I have one friend who might be a Kalyanamitta, but she takes drugs, and is very into bathing in emotional states. She comes out as INFP/ISFP for those of you who know the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test, so I don't know to what extent to ignore this emotionalism. Please lets not have a debate about the MBTI. She says I have to sift the dirt to find the gold, which makes sense, but I'd be very grateful for effective advice from people who are wiser than I about the path, and finding a Kalyanamitta.

I went to the Amaravati Monastery here in the UK, if anyone knows of it, and found the monks there were excellent. At least, that is how it seemed to me. I would dearly love to correspond with a bhikku, but I understand they (you?) are not supposed to spend a lot of time involving themselves with life outside the monastery, and I don't want to bring trouble into the life of someone who has had the courage to go forth.

Thanks for reading, and please, if you have any advice, let me know it.

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Kim OHara
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Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 5:47 am
Location: North Queensland, Australia

Re: Kalyanamitta

Postby Kim OHara » Thu Apr 20, 2017 9:37 pm

Pseudobabble wrote:HI Everyone,

My first topic :woohoo:

:twothumbsup:
It's a good one, too.

In spite of this -
I have looked in some meditation and spirituality groups, but there is a lot of spiritual bypassing and spiritual materialism going around in those circles, and associating with those people makes me feel icky.

- which I agree can be a problem, meditation groups of some kind are among the places you are most likely to find spiritual support and companionship. They don't even need to be specifically Buddhist, but just to place some importance on - basically - "being a good person".
We all like to be around people who share our values, and participating in such groups is one way of achieving that. Other relevant groups would include yoga, tai chi, etc; charities running welfare programmes, from thrift shops to soup kitchens; environmental groups, cleaning up beaches or encouraging veggie gardening; etc.
I went to the Amaravati Monastery here in the UK, if anyone knows of it, and found the monks there were excellent. At least, that is how it seemed to me. I would dearly love to correspond with a bhikku, but I understand they (you?) are not supposed to spend a lot of time involving themselves with life outside the monastery, and I don't want to bring trouble into the life of someone who has had the courage to go forth.

That's fair enough, but next time you go, consider organising regular contact with others who are there as visitors.

:namaste:
Kim

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Sam Vara
Posts: 1800
Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2011 5:42 pm

Re: Kalyanamitta

Postby Sam Vara » Fri Apr 21, 2017 9:49 am

Pseudobabble wrote: I'd like to ask forum members for their advice in finding admirable friendship.


Speak the truth, gently.

I went to the Amaravati Monastery here in the UK, if anyone knows of it, and found the monks there were excellent. At least, that is how it seemed to me. I would dearly love to correspond with a bhikku, but I understand they (you?) are not supposed to spend a lot of time involving themselves with life outside the monastery, and I don't want to bring trouble into the life of someone who has had the courage to go forth.


You won't be bringing any trouble, but usually they will gently disengage from any attempt to "recruit" them as a long-term spiritual advisor or special friend. But they are usually happy to spend time with lay people and to answer their questions and provide guidance. This is in itself a form of kalyanamitta, and an extremely valuable one. And don't forget that if you have access to Amaravati, there will be other lay supporters around. They used to have a meditation group that met in the wooden buildings on Sunday afternoons - is that still going?

Nibbana
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2017 8:37 pm

Re: Kalyanamitta

Postby Nibbana » Sun Apr 23, 2017 6:12 am

Pseudobabble wrote:
I went to the Amaravati Monastery here in the UK, if anyone knows of it, and found the monks there were excellent. At least, that is how it seemed to me. I would dearly love to correspond with a bhikku, but I understand they (you?) are not supposed to spend a lot of time involving themselves with life outside the monastery, and I don't want to bring trouble into the life of someone who has had the courage to go forth.


Hello friend,

If all goes well I will be visiting Amaravati from 29th may till 29th june, the house is sold and I'm planning to ordain.

We can hook up when I'm there if you want. :)

:anjali:
"Then you understand the brilliance of the Buddha's teaching of anatta, goes right to the heart of everything. They say the Dhamma is the source, not going to it's consequences not papancha, but going right into the very middle, the very essence, the very heart, the atta what you take to be you. From the body into the mind thinking, from the mind into the doer, from the doer into the knower. You can see you're not the knower, you can see you're not the doer..."

-Ajahn Brahm

Pseudobabble
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Apr 17, 2017 11:11 am

Re: Kalyanamitta

Postby Pseudobabble » Wed Apr 26, 2017 8:40 pm

Kim OHara wrote:meditation groups of some kind are among the places...


Thank you Kim - I will look for some of those groups locally. I didn't think about it in that way.

Kim OHara wrote:That's fair enough, but next time you go, consider organising regular contact with others who are there as visitors.


I will certainly do that. I was a little shy at first, as it was when I was just getting into the practice.


Sam Vara wrote:Speak the truth, gently.


I will try. Gently is the part that I usually don't remember. :candle:

Sam Vara wrote:This is in itself a form of kalyanamitta, and an extremely valuable one.


True, I hadn't considered considered it that way. Thank you :)

Sam Vara wrote:They used to have a meditation group that met in the wooden buildings on Sunday afternoons - is that still going?


Unfortunately Amaravati is several hours away from me, so I don't know.


Nibbana wrote:Hello friend,

If all goes well I will be visiting Amaravati from 29th may till 29th june, the house is sold and I'm planning to ordain.

We can hook up when I'm there if you want. :)


That would be cool. Are you staying there after ordination?


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