Dhamma Wheel Buddhist Forum

No_Mind wrote:How can I love myself? How to value myself more?

binocular wrote:

No_Mind wrote:How can I love myself? How to value myself more?

Have you tried googling this query?

No_Mind wrote:I meant metta for self not generic forgive yourself articles.

No_Mind wrote: If you answer please give slightly expanded answer. Just a one line "metta for yourself" is not enough. How does one forgive by doing metta for oneself.

At the place between self and other, the practice of the brahmavihāra is invaluable. It entails moving empathy through the entirety of our perceptions, and inner reality, starting perhaps with just the sense of what’s touching us right now. To put it simply: ‘In the presence of this (sensation, mood, irritation etc.), may I be well.’ ‘May I not be carrying blame and criticism towards myself.’ ‘May I acknowledge my goodness and rejoice in it: my virtues, the precepts I keep, the bad that I’ve given up, the commitments I’ve made. May I acknowledge and appreciate those.’ ‘May I be able to bear with the foolish things I’ve done – as past actions, rather than as my self.’ So once we have established the intention towards empathy and good will, we focus on that intention with its steady feel and energy, and work towards placing that benevolent intent alongside any afflictive attitudes, moods, or energies. We ask awareness to stand beside us in our grief or anger or despond – and not try to fix anything. To just be a present witness, with a clear unfussy empathy – and allow a process to unfold.

When I practise in this way, I often imagine or visualise sitting within a pool of light, something that is gently pleasant and doesn’t need anything from me. Then I bring that image, that mood into the mind and spread it into the body. In walking meditation, I might walk along as if I were wading a step at a time through that warm light so that the body feels relaxed. Or I might imagine sitting with the Buddha as a friend – to be right there in the presence of someone who’s saying, ‘However you are now, I accept it.’ Other approaches might work for you; I’m just suggesting ways of evoking a mood. However you do it, it’s important to find your own space where you don’t have to be that good, or happy or vigorous or punctual or neat.

Sam Vara wrote:...

cappuccino wrote:Well don't you realize the self is fictional, and your concerns are fictional.

cappuccino wrote:Well don't you realize the self is fictional, and your concerns are fictional.

No_Mind wrote:

Sam Vara wrote:...

Thank you Sam. It is easy for me to wish others well but very difficult to wish myself well. In fact I cannot recall a single instance in my life when I have wished myself well (and meant it).

It was helpful to read Ajahn Sucitto's words. Practical instructions on doing metta towards oneself is quite difficult to find on the net. There are canned phrases galore like "May I be happy, .. well, .. safe, .. peaceful" but some people like me have great difficulty in thinking/wishing, may I be happy.

I do not know why .. but from very young age I have always thought I was a bad person in my past life and that I need to suffer. I do not take care of myself and have become overweight. Yesterday I was thinking what if a heart attack were to happen to me .. then I thought I deserve it .. and that set off alarm bells ringing in my brain .. no one who has not done harm to any other person should think in this self destructive way.

Maybe doing some metta for myself will help change my outlook towards me.

No_Mind wrote:

Sam Vara wrote:...

Thank you Sam. It is easy for me to wish others well but very difficult to wish myself well. In fact I cannot recall a single instance in my life when I have wished myself well (and meant it).

It was helpful to read Ajahn Sucitto's words. Practical instructions on doing metta towards oneself is quite difficult to find on the net. There are canned phrases galore like "May I be happy, .. well, .. safe, .. peaceful" but some people like me have great difficulty in thinking/wishing, may I be happy.

I do not know why .. but from very young age I have always thought I was a bad person in my past life and that I need to suffer. I do not take care of myself and have become overweight. Yesterday I was thinking what if a heart attack were to happen to me .. then I thought I deserve it .. and that set off alarm bells ringing in my brain .. no one who has not done harm to any other person should think in this self destructive way.

Maybe doing some metta for myself will help change my outlook towards me.

BasementBuddhist wrote:

cappuccino wrote:Well don't you realize the self is fictional, and your concerns are fictional.

That is very true.

I don't know if this will help you or not, but Thich Nhat hanh says that we all create our feelings about overselves and others. In this way, it is very much like how people create children. The point is not to push our children (feelings) away and trample them, but to hold them gently, and rock them. When I am feeling bad, I simply Picture my negative emotion as a very cute and hurt child, and then visualize myself comforting that child. The feeling usually goes away.

Also, doing metta meditation every day helps. I sit and focus on five or six people. I imagine them sitting with me and we just sit together for a bit. After a while, when I have them firmly fixed in my mind, I imagine them projecting love towards me, and see myself enveloped in that love. After a few months, it started to help me.

I've always had a hard time feeling anything but Dukkah, but these things, as well as a heavy focus on dependent origination and the five aggregates, have really helped me get in a position to put the Dukkah to the side and start tearing down this concept of self that I've built in my mind.

Lucas Oliveira wrote:

If a person in "normal state" and influenced by illusions, imagine a person who is sad, discouraged.