How can I love myself? How to value myself more?
If you answer please give slightly expanded answer. Just a one line "metta for yourself" is not enough. How does one forgive by doing metta for oneself. How do you do metta for yourself? It is not possible to love oneself.
I do not hate anyone, any set of people, any religion. I regularly do metta for everyone else (in spite of appearing angry all the time!!) But when it comes to myself I am annoyed with myself all the time.
How to love myself?
How to love myself?
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus
- cappuccino
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Re: How to love myself?
All you think of yourself doesn't apply,
good or bad.
good or bad.
Last edited by cappuccino on Thu Apr 20, 2017 4:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: How to love myself?
Have you tried googling this query?No_Mind wrote:How can I love myself? How to value myself more?
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
Re: How to love myself?
I meant metta for self not generic forgive yourself articles.binocular wrote:Have you tried googling this query?No_Mind wrote:How can I love myself? How to value myself more?
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus
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Re: How to love myself?
I think reading those "generic articles" could give you some ideas about "loving yourself" and "valuing yourself", and those ideas can then help as a good basis to further think about this phenomenon called "loving yourself" and "valuing yourself".No_Mind wrote:I meant metta for self not generic forgive yourself articles.
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
Re: How to love myself?
I have had positive experience on retreat with a guided forgiveness practice/meditation that then I could use unguided. It had three parts: forgiveness to others, forgiveness from others, and forgiveness of "self." It had phrases in the way that metta practice can. Of course, being on retreat, I was more open to its potential power.No_Mind wrote: If you answer please give slightly expanded answer. Just a one line "metta for yourself" is not enough. How does one forgive by doing metta for oneself.
If you google something like forgiveness practice meditation Buddhism, some will turn up that you might try to see how they work.
Those who grasp at perceptions & views wander the internet creating friction. [based on Sn4:9,v.847]
Re: How to love myself?
Ajahn Sucitto. The whole article is here: http://ajahnsucitto.org/articles/cultivating-empathy/At the place between self and other, the practice of the brahmavihāra is invaluable. It entails moving empathy through the entirety of our perceptions, and inner reality, starting perhaps with just the sense of what’s touching us right now. To put it simply: ‘In the presence of this (sensation, mood, irritation etc.), may I be well.’ ‘May I not be carrying blame and criticism towards myself.’ ‘May I acknowledge my goodness and rejoice in it: my virtues, the precepts I keep, the bad that I’ve given up, the commitments I’ve made. May I acknowledge and appreciate those.’ ‘May I be able to bear with the foolish things I’ve done – as past actions, rather than as my self.’ So once we have established the intention towards empathy and good will, we focus on that intention with its steady feel and energy, and work towards placing that benevolent intent alongside any afflictive attitudes, moods, or energies. We ask awareness to stand beside us in our grief or anger or despond – and not try to fix anything. To just be a present witness, with a clear unfussy empathy – and allow a process to unfold.
When I practise in this way, I often imagine or visualise sitting within a pool of light, something that is gently pleasant and doesn’t need anything from me. Then I bring that image, that mood into the mind and spread it into the body. In walking meditation, I might walk along as if I were wading a step at a time through that warm light so that the body feels relaxed. Or I might imagine sitting with the Buddha as a friend – to be right there in the presence of someone who’s saying, ‘However you are now, I accept it.’ Other approaches might work for you; I’m just suggesting ways of evoking a mood. However you do it, it’s important to find your own space where you don’t have to be that good, or happy or vigorous or punctual or neat.
There is also this: http://sucitto.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/p ... metta.html
Both articles emphasise the importance of pleasant bodily relaxation as a support for goodwill to oneself. I have got a lot of benefit from them over the years, and I hope you do too.
Re: How to love myself?
Thank you Sam. It is easy for me to wish others well but very difficult to wish myself well. In fact I cannot recall a single instance in my life when I have wished myself well (and meant it).Sam Vara wrote:...
It was helpful to read Ajahn Sucitto's words. Practical instructions on doing metta towards oneself is quite difficult to find on the net. There are canned phrases galore like "May I be happy, .. well, .. safe, .. peaceful" but some people like me have great difficulty in thinking/wishing, may I be happy.
I do not know why .. but from very young age I have always thought I was a bad person in my past life and that I need to suffer. I do not take care of myself and have become overweight. Yesterday I was thinking what if a heart attack were to happen to me .. then I thought I deserve it .. and that set off alarm bells ringing in my brain .. no one who has not done harm to any other person should think in this self destructive way.
Maybe doing some metta for myself will help change my outlook towards me.
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus
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Re: How to love myself?
Well don't you realize the self is fictional, and your concerns are fictional.
Re: How to love myself?
No, I am bit slow on the uptake.cappuccino wrote:Well don't you realize the self is fictional, and your concerns are fictional.
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus
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Re: How to love myself?
cappuccino wrote:Well don't you realize the self is fictional, and your concerns are fictional.
That is very true. But when one is in the grip of selfhood and the 'self' is causing a lot of Dukkha, for many just going, "I have no self, I refuse to feel bad" is not enough. You can tell your "Self" that it doesn't exist all you want but when it is sitting there, strangling you, that isn't helpful.
I don't know if this will help you or not, but Thich Nhat hanh says that we all create our feelings about overselves and others. In this way, it is very much like how people create children. The point is not to push our children (feelings) away and trample them, but to hold them gently, and rock them. When I am feeling bad, I simply Picture my negative emotion as a very cute and hurt child, and then visualize myself comforting that child. The feeling usually goes away.No_Mind wrote:Thank you Sam. It is easy for me to wish others well but very difficult to wish myself well. In fact I cannot recall a single instance in my life when I have wished myself well (and meant it).Sam Vara wrote:...
It was helpful to read Ajahn Sucitto's words. Practical instructions on doing metta towards oneself is quite difficult to find on the net. There are canned phrases galore like "May I be happy, .. well, .. safe, .. peaceful" but some people like me have great difficulty in thinking/wishing, may I be happy.
I do not know why .. but from very young age I have always thought I was a bad person in my past life and that I need to suffer. I do not take care of myself and have become overweight. Yesterday I was thinking what if a heart attack were to happen to me .. then I thought I deserve it .. and that set off alarm bells ringing in my brain .. no one who has not done harm to any other person should think in this self destructive way.
Maybe doing some metta for myself will help change my outlook towards me.
Also, doing metta meditation every day helps. I sit and focus on five or six people. I imagine them sitting with me and we just sit together for a bit. After a while, when I have them firmly fixed in my mind, I imagine them projecting love towards me, and see myself enveloped in that love. After a few months, it started to help me.
I've always had a hard time feeling anything but Dukkah, but these things, as well as a heavy focus on dependent origination and the five aggregates, have really helped me get in a position to put the Dukkah to the side and start tearing down this concept of self that I've built in my mind.
Last edited by BasementBuddhist on Fri Apr 21, 2017 1:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
- Lucas Oliveira
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Re: How to love myself?
For the heart see a cardiologist.No_Mind wrote:Thank you Sam. It is easy for me to wish others well but very difficult to wish myself well. In fact I cannot recall a single instance in my life when I have wished myself well (and meant it).Sam Vara wrote:...
It was helpful to read Ajahn Sucitto's words. Practical instructions on doing metta towards oneself is quite difficult to find on the net. There are canned phrases galore like "May I be happy, .. well, .. safe, .. peaceful" but some people like me have great difficulty in thinking/wishing, may I be happy.
I do not know why .. but from very young age I have always thought I was a bad person in my past life and that I need to suffer. I do not take care of myself and have become overweight. Yesterday I was thinking what if a heart attack were to happen to me .. then I thought I deserve it .. and that set off alarm bells ringing in my brain .. no one who has not done harm to any other person should think in this self destructive way.
Maybe doing some metta for myself will help change my outlook towards me.
For negative thoughts a psychiatrist and a psychologist
For overweight a nutritionist and physical education teacher
If a person in "normal state" and influenced by illusions, imagine a person who is sad, discouraged.
DEPRESSION IS THE LEADING CAUSE OF DISABILITY AROUND THE WORLD
http://www.newsweek.com/depression-arou ... ity-577591
http://www.firstpost.com/india/world-he ... 73296.html
http://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/depres ... le/651437/
Everyone has done so much evil in their past lives.
All people are suffering.
I participate in this forum using Google Translator. http://translate.google.com.br
http://www.acessoaoinsight.net/
http://www.acessoaoinsight.net/
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Re: How to love myself?
The self is miserable by nature, the only happiness is knowing this & letting go of self altogether.
Last edited by cappuccino on Fri Apr 21, 2017 2:06 am, edited 2 times in total.
Re: How to love myself?
No it is not. The notion of an eternal self is false. The self created by five aggregates is very much real and existing.BasementBuddhist wrote:That is very true.cappuccino wrote:Well don't you realize the self is fictional, and your concerns are fictional.
What cappucino wrote is right out of Hinduism (concept of the world and everything in it being an illusion Maya) and not Buddhism. This is a Buddhist forum and we are discussing Buddha Dharma not Hindu Dharma.
Thank you for your suggestion. Every little bit helps.I don't know if this will help you or not, but Thich Nhat hanh says that we all create our feelings about overselves and others. In this way, it is very much like how people create children. The point is not to push our children (feelings) away and trample them, but to hold them gently, and rock them. When I am feeling bad, I simply Picture my negative emotion as a very cute and hurt child, and then visualize myself comforting that child. The feeling usually goes away.
Also, doing metta meditation every day helps. I sit and focus on five or six people. I imagine them sitting with me and we just sit together for a bit. After a while, when I have them firmly fixed in my mind, I imagine them projecting love towards me, and see myself enveloped in that love. After a few months, it started to help me.
I've always had a hard time feeling anything but Dukkah, but these things, as well as a heavy focus on dependent origination and the five aggregates, have really helped me get in a position to put the Dukkah to the side and start tearing down this concept of self that I've built in my mind.
Very correct Lucas.Lucas Oliveira wrote:
If a person in "normal state" and influenced by illusions, imagine a person who is sad, discouraged.
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus