My father's cough

A place to discuss health and fitness, healthy diets. A fit body makes for a fit mind.
Garrib
Posts: 605
Joined: Mon May 30, 2016 8:35 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by Garrib »

binocular wrote:Coughing season has officially begun! I am looking at about six months of 24/7 coughing.
Sorry binocular - maybe you can get some earplugs? :thinking:
binocular
Posts: 8292
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by binocular »

Garrib wrote:Sorry binocular - maybe you can get some earplugs?
No, the sound goes right through. I have very good hearing. I would need to have a special sound-proof helmet to block out sounds.

That incessant cough -- it's like the Chinese water torture.
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
User avatar
bodom
Posts: 7216
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:18 pm
Location: San Antonio, Texas

Re: My father's cough

Post by bodom »

Garrib wrote:
binocular wrote:Coughing season has officially begun! I am looking at about six months of 24/7 coughing.
Sorry binocular - maybe you can get some earplugs? :thinking:
Or even better some equanimity. :sage:

:anjali:
Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

- BB
Garrib
Posts: 605
Joined: Mon May 30, 2016 8:35 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by Garrib »

binocular wrote:
Garrib wrote:Sorry binocular - maybe you can get some earplugs?
No, the sound goes right through. I have very good hearing. I would need to have a special sound-proof helmet to block out sounds.

That incessant cough -- it's like the Chinese water torture.
:tongue: lol - well at least you have some sense of humor about it!
perkele
Posts: 1048
Joined: Wed Feb 02, 2011 2:37 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by perkele »

One of my former roommates had such a chronic dry cough from smoking weed all the time. I knew that irresistible itchy feeling from smoking weed, too, and also, from my experience, that it wouldn't go away unless I consciously resist that urge for a good while. So I told him he should just try and resist the urge to cough. But, alas, he couldn't.

I was not the only one annoyed by it, but the others seemed to be better at ignoring it, or distracting themselves from it, than me. I can definitely relate to the "Chinese water torture" feel to it. But I don't know a simple and peaceful solution to it.

I tend to be very sensitive to such acoustic annoyances. More so than others around me, usually. Be it repetitive coughs or the monotonous beat of some techno music, even at a very low volume. Once I pick it up I cannot easily put my focus away from it.

But I found that it depends a lot on my general state of well-being and contentment with my situation in life. When I am absorbed in some enjoyable work then almost nothing can distract me that easily.

Another factor is whether or not I can put any blame on the causer of annoyance. If the noise is made by a person or living creature with some understanding and I find they should be able to control it and be quiet then I cannot focus on something else. I want to make them shut up. I find this difficult to let go, even if I see no way to get through to them.

If, on the other hand, my judgment is that I cannot blame them then it is easier for me to ignore the annoyance. But it can be really difficult to change that judgment in my mind.
binocular
Posts: 8292
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by binocular »

perkele wrote:I knew that irresistible itchy feeling from smoking weed, too, and also, from my experience, that it wouldn't go away unless I consciously resist that urge for a good while. So I told him he should just try and resist the urge to cough. But, alas, he couldn't.
I've never smoked weed etc., but the whole side of the family on my father's side seems to be prone to coughing, and I as well. However, I've learned to resist the urge to cough, when the cough seems to be of allergic or similar origin, when there's just that annoying tickling in the throat (as opposed to when one actually has things to cough up). But my father is not like that. And the constant coughing makes it worse, actually causing an inflammation of the upper respiratory airways from all the strain.
But I found that it depends a lot on my general state of well-being and contentment with my situation in life. When I am absorbed in some enjoyable work then almost nothing can distract me that easily.

Another factor is whether or not I can put any blame on the causer of annoyance. If the noise is made by a person or living creature with some understanding and I find they should be able to control it and be quiet then I cannot focus on something else. I want to make them shut up. I find this difficult to let go, even if I see no way to get through to them.

If, on the other hand, my judgment is that I cannot blame them then it is easier for me to ignore the annoyance. But it can be really difficult to change that judgment in my mind.
I agree. I also think a lot depends on who the person who is coughing is. If it's just a stranger at the library or an acquaintance, then it's relatively easy to ignore.

But when it is a parent -- the person whom one is supposed to respect and look up and consider superior to oneself -- then it gets really tough.

And equanimity toward one's parents really doesn't seem like the right attitude.
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
User avatar
bodom
Posts: 7216
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:18 pm
Location: San Antonio, Texas

Re: My father's cough

Post by bodom »

binocular wrote:And equanimity toward one's parents really doesn't seem like the right attitude.
No, but equanimity towards the sound is.
When you hear a sound you think,'Oh that sound is bothering me.' If we see it like this, we suffer. But if we investigate a little deeper, we see that the sound is simply sound. If we understand like this, then theres nothing more to it. We leave it be. The sound is just sound, why should you go and grab it? You see that actually it was you who went out and disturbed the sound." - Ajahn Chah
A short concise little reflection for anyone to keep in mind when dealing with unwanted sounds.

I hope your father gets well soon.

:anjali:
Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

- BB
binocular
Posts: 8292
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by binocular »

bodom wrote:
binocular wrote:And equanimity toward one's parents really doesn't seem like the right attitude.
No, but equanimity towards the sound is.
Could you explain how one has "equanimity towards the sound"?
When you hear a sound you think,'Oh that sound is bothering me.' If we see it like this, we suffer. But if we investigate a little deeper, we see that the sound is simply sound. If we understand like this, then theres nothing more to it. We leave it be. The sound is just sound, why should you go and grab it? You see that actually it was you who went out and disturbed the sound." - Ajahn Chah
A short concise little reflection for anyone to keep in mind when dealing with unwanted sounds.
This passage, given as advice here, misses the point, though. Because it really isn't about the coughing. It's about all the interpersonal problems, regrets, resentments, etc. that the coughing reminds me of. There are many unresolved issues between me and my father. And I have further unresolved issues because of that. But as long everyone is mostly quiet, talks about unimportant things, and pretty much minds their own business, things are tolerable, even as it is a tense silence. But the coughing breaks that silence, and then all the other problems come to the foreground.

I hope your father gets well soon.
Thank you. Things got so bad yesterday that even he decided that it was time to see a doctor. We went there, he was prescribed three medications, and things are slowly getting better.
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
User avatar
bodom
Posts: 7216
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 6:18 pm
Location: San Antonio, Texas

Re: My father's cough

Post by bodom »

binocular wrote:Could you explain how one has "equanimity towards the sound"
Thanissaro gives a nice analogy of an empty house with all the windows open and all kinds of sounds from the outside come in the window and blow out the back of the house with no resistence. There are many texts in the suttas describing equanimity at all six sense bases. One explains that when coming in contact with disagreeable objects, one should let go as quickly as that of a drop of water hitting a hot frying pan. Another sutta tells us that "In the heard will be merely what is heard."
This passage, given as advice here, misses the point, though. Because it really isn't about the coughing. It's about all the interpersonal problems, regrets, resentments, etc. that the coughing reminds me of. There are many unresolved issues between me and my father. And I have further unresolved issues because of that. But as long everyone is mostly quiet, talks about unimportant things, and pretty much minds their own business, things are tolerable, even as it is a tense silence. But the coughing breaks that silence, and then all the other problems come to the foreground.
Im sorry to hear that. My last post was only really in relation to the suggestion of getting ear plugs to deal with the sound. As you already know, from the point of view of the dhamma, the brahmaviharas are the only real answer to this. Easy to say hard to do.
Thank you. Things got so bad yesterday that even he decided that it was time to see a doctor. We went there, he was prescribed three medications, and things are slowly getting better.
Good. Its a start!

:anjali:
Liberation is the inevitable fruit of the path and is bound to blossom forth when there is steady and persistent practice. The only requirements for reaching the final goal are two: to start and to continue. If these requirements are met there is no doubt the goal will be attained. This is the Dhamma, the undeviating law.

- BB
binocular
Posts: 8292
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by binocular »

Thank you for your reply.
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
Post Reply