My father's cough

A place to discuss health and fitness, healthy diets. A fit body makes for a fit mind.
binocular
Posts: 8292
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

My father's cough

Post by binocular »

I'm taking care of my aging parents -- cook, clean, do laundry, run errands.

My father has been having a dry cough for a long time, it got really bad this past week. It's worst at night. He starts coughing around 8 pm and coughs through to 3 or 4 am. We don't sleep, he keeps the whole house awake. He refuses to go to the doctor. The over the counter medicines I brought him and the home remedies (honey, lemon, ginger, ...) don't work. He coughs so badly he almost suffocates. He curses and swears. He is extremely negative about life in general and the prospects of the cough ever goint away.

My own estimation, based on his medical history and his personal habits, is that the mucuous membranes of his upper respiratory tract are inflamed, and the coughing makes it worse. He breathes through the mouth, but there is no physiological impediment to breathing through the nose (I've inquired about this from him and observed him).

I had such cough too, and no medication seemed to help, not even prescription cough medications with opiates. What helped me was to make an effort and breathe through the nose, bearing the tickling sensation that would otherwise cause the coughing -- it went away after a while.

But my father is not like that. He won't even try to breathe through the nose, not even for a minute, and he won't hold back even the slightest cough (dry cough is the kind of cough where coughing leads to just more coughing).
He despises me and he dismisses every suggestion I make, no matter how carefully and impersonally I make it. He keeps insisting that nothing helps, and he rather gets angry with me than try what I suggest. But there's a lot he hasn't even tried. Most of the time, I am just quiet and don't get into conversations with him as he keeps asking, "Why me? Why won't anything help?!"

I don't know how much longer I can take this. I am exhausted from the lack of sleep and from his negativity.

Have any of you dealt with something like that? Have you successfully resolved such a situation? What seemed to help?


Thanks.
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
User avatar
DNS
Site Admin
Posts: 17187
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:15 am
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada, Estados Unidos de América
Contact:

Re: My father's cough

Post by DNS »

Sorry to hear of the troubles; hope it gets better for you and your family. That sounds like a great responsibility -- and burden you have undertaken out of compassion.

I am not a medical professional, but it doesn't sound good. He really should see a physician. It could be pneumonia or something else very serious, which can be treatable if detected early enough. It could be something like bronchitis which I believe requires antibiotics, which needs a prescription (at least here in the U.S.). Was he a heavy smoker in his earlier years?
dharmacorps
Posts: 2298
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 7:33 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by dharmacorps »

Agreed, a burden taken out of compassion which deserves tons of respect. Definitely know the kind of "patient" your father sounds like.

Unfortunately not much you can do (about anything, the cough or the negativity) unless he is willing to get help. In my experience, the breaking point in these situations is the disease getting bad enough, paramedics get called when the symptoms get scary (inability to breathe). I work in the medical field and it does sound like bronchitis but obviously don't assume I'm right. It could be something else. On the other hand if he is totally dependent on you for his care, then you have a say in this too. I advise you talking to some people who are experienced caregivers to the elderly to see what your rights and obligations are.
Phena
Posts: 477
Joined: Sat May 26, 2012 6:40 am

Re: My father's cough

Post by Phena »

Sorry to hear about your situation binocular. Are you able to arrange a home visit by a doctor? Maybe you could suggest this as a compromise?

Getting medical advice would seem to be paramount here, as I'm sure you are aware.
User avatar
Sprouticus
Posts: 108
Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2016 6:24 am

Re: My father's cough

Post by Sprouticus »

:anjali:

It's interesting that your father is breathing through his mouth despite there being no obstruction in his nose.
You may have already suggested using a humidifier, but if you put one out for yourself you would have the added benefit of some white noise to soften the sound of coughing.
Namo buddhaya
User156079
Posts: 1019
Joined: Thu Nov 12, 2015 4:17 am

Re: My father's cough

Post by User156079 »

if any advice you make makes him angry your best course of action will often be to pick your timing and try to minimize his suffering when you give the advice, if its just a theory u should clearly state it.
User avatar
Aloka
Posts: 7797
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:51 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by Aloka »

Hi binocular,

I'm really sorry to hear about your father. My late father had a hiatus hernia which caused persistent coughing amongst various other symptoms. He could only get some sleep if he was propped up in bed and finally his doctor arranged for him to have an operation, which was successful,

I hope you can persuade your father to get some further testing and advice from a doctor.

With best wishes to you and your parents,

Aloka :anjali:
jagodage
Posts: 90
Joined: Sat Sep 06, 2014 7:11 am

Re: My father's cough

Post by jagodage »

Hi Binocular,

I feel really sorry for your father.My suggestion is to get one of his close colleage to attempt to pursuade him to consult a doctor.In fact the intention to cure a sickness should come from the sufferer.

With Metta
Jagodage
User avatar
No_Mind
Posts: 2211
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 4:12 pm
Location: India

Re: My father's cough

Post by No_Mind »

Hi Binocular,

Very sorry to hear about your father. You mentioned tickling in back of throat in your case. That is caused by post nasal drip. There are several levels of treatment for it ranging from salt water gurgle to antihistamines to antibiotics (depending on the patient's situation).

Keep in mind cough syrups are of two types -- antitussive which stop cough (usually dextromethorphan) and expectorants which bring out the mucus (usually guaifenesin). It is usually first one followed by the second or a combination of both types of cough syrup (like some varieties of Robitussin contain both). Antitussive alone can dry up the mucus but it needs to come out so an expectorant is used alongside it.

Remember most cough medicines have an added alphabet or two like DM (for dextromethorphan), BM (for bromhexine), CD (for codeine) etc .. therefore if you are using a cough syrup someone suggested make sure the spelling is correct

However antibiotics maybe needed if infection is bacterial. Please consult a physician.

I will pray that your father gets well soon,

With lot of love,

No_Mind
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus
binocular
Posts: 8292
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by binocular »

Thank you all for your kind replies!

My father is a macho type of person. I know that's an ugly thing to say about one's parent. But it really describes him best. I think he is also very much afraid of aging and sickness, and his attempts to cope with the fear itself, as well as with aging and sickness, are causing a lot of trouble and worsening things. For example, he still goes mountainhiking -- but he refuses to wear a hat or a cap, he refuses to wear gloves and longjohns (because that's supposedly only for old people). On those trips, he is actually able to keep up with people 10 or 20 years younger than himself. But then he gets home and he is sick and lethargic for a couple of weeks and can't do anything. We patch him up, and then the whole thing starts over again.
Even though he's physically still capable enough, he won't do any chores around the house, nor make sure that he eats and drinks properly. I have to wait on him, and if I don't, he swears and curses and complains. It has happened that one late afternoon, he started complainig how thirsty he is, because nobody gave him anything to drink. I have good reason to believe that he's not just forgetful. He has always been like that -- "above the mundane". And I accepted it quietly when I was younger, but I just can't do it anymore.

He refuses to discuss anything with me, he refuses to make any plans that I suggest. If I in any way bring this up, he either swears and curses, or gets playful and has a "Who -- me?!?" routine.
It takes extreme diplomacy on my part and a lot of time to get him to change in even the slightest way.

It's hard to have compassion for him. Sometimes, when he's been coughing incessantly, I'm on the verge of telling him, "That's what you get for all your partying!" But I don't tell him ...
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
User avatar
No_Mind
Posts: 2211
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 4:12 pm
Location: India

Re: My father's cough

Post by No_Mind »

binocular wrote:Thank you all for your kind replies!

...............
Binocular, I live with my mom and take care of her. It is hard at times but what keeps me going is .. in this huge world .. she is the only person who loves me unconditionally .. with no strings attached .. and once she dies I will probably never find that again.

It is hard I know but keep walking .. best of luck.

:namaste:
"The struggle itself toward the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy.”― Albert Camus
binocular
Posts: 8292
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by binocular »

He finally went to the doctor. He was prescribed antibiotics and has go in for further checkups. He's still coughing.
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
User avatar
DNS
Site Admin
Posts: 17187
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:15 am
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada, Estados Unidos de América
Contact:

Re: My father's cough

Post by DNS »

binocular wrote:He finally went to the doctor. He was prescribed antibiotics and has go in for further checkups.
Excellent, hopefully that will be all he needs, especially if it's something like bronchitis, the antibiotics should do it.
User avatar
Assaji
Posts: 2106
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 7:24 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by Assaji »

Hi Binocular,

Take care of yourself.

As for the simplest devices, ear plugs can help to sleep soundly.
Nasal dilator strips are conducive to breathing through the nose.

IMHO, it is also important to find a good nurse, just in case you would need a break. My relative refused nurse's help in taking care of his mother, - and he's depressed now.

Best wishes,
Dmytro
binocular
Posts: 8292
Joined: Sat Jan 17, 2009 11:13 pm

Re: My father's cough

Post by binocular »

Dmytro wrote:As for the simplest devices, ear plugs can help to sleep soundly.
I've tried! But my father's cough pierces through walls, and through ear plugs. It also seems to be too late, because I've already developed a kind of audio hypersensitivity and can hear the slightest noise he makes, even from afar. (The way mothers can hear their newborn infants even in their sleep.)
Also, I do need to hear him, just in case he needs help.
Nasal dilator strips are conducive to breathing through the nose.
That's interesting, I've never heard of that.
Do you have any ideas on how to get my macho father to use them?
I once made him a short mala to pass the time when he was in the hospital. That didn't work out well ...
IMHO, it is also important to find a good nurse, just in case you would need a break. My relative refused nurse's help in taking care of his mother, - and he's depressed now.
Yes ... we don't have the money for that at the time. I would certainly love a break from being my parents' personal servant ... Being a personal servant isn't so hard, actually. But being someone's psychological punching bag is.
Hic Rhodus, hic salta!
Post Reply