Dan74 wrote:It was a shock to me and to many people, I'm sure. He was such a bright presence, blessed in so many ways and obviously cursed in others, less visible to the outsiders. It is hard to know what it was like for him and as much as I know that taking one's life is not the answer, I would not for a moment judge someone who has. May he be well, may he find a better rebirth and find freedom from suffering. And may his children, family and friends find their way amidst their terrible grief.
I had a period of deep depression a few years ago triggered by persistent work stress and negativity, some family issues and a general sense of worthlessness. I thought of suicide every day for several months, multiple times a day, mostly in a wistful way as an escape, but sometimes more concretely. It was the thought of my children and the effect it would have on them, that kept me from doing anything, I think.
Other people likely have it much worse, much darker and the pain probably more profound and enveloping.
I guess like many others say, reaching out for help after hiding the pain, was a big step in the right direction. In my case it was reaching out to my wife. And her help gave me enough positive energy to remind myself of the Dhamma, to recall that the suffering was mind-made and can be unmade, to cut the cycle of feeding these thoughts and feelings (which had seemed out of my control, beyond my power to change) and sort of pull myself out by the bootstraps.
There are of course many different cases, some people do great with drugs, others with therapy. I was fortunate to manage with neither but that was probably because it was more related to short term circumstances and luckily I had some grounding in the Dhamma and great support network. Others are not so lucky.
Thank you Dan for sharing.
I am saddened by your own struggle but happy that you were able to navigate your way out of the sargasso.
I have not disclosed this publicly before, but now seems to be the right time.
Clinical depression is something that has been a constant companion since 1976. Some periods have been more difficult than others and there haven't been many days when I haven't woken up with the first thought being one of suicide. Words cannot express how difficult, exhausting, limiting it has been - and continues to be.
Fortunately for me, I have been able to manage it. In one sense, I am thankful for it as it propelled me in a direction that led me to the Dhamma. I manage depression not just through meditation but a raft of strategies that include diet, exercise, maintaining important relationships, a whole-of-life approach to integrating the Dhamma into my daily life, therapy and pharmaceutical intervention. I have a very knowledgeable and compassionate person in my family doctor who I can see from time to time and my wife is a psychologist.
My heart goes out to anyone who suffers from this terrible organic condition, especially to those who either do not have a robust safety net or who don't make it.
Just a little clarification to things I have said earlier...
I strongly advocate that those who suffer from depression should continue with their Dhamma practice and not replace a treatment regime with just meditation.
I suspect many here would not approve of someone preferring to treat a broken leg, diabetes, or cancer with just meditation. Depression is no different - it is an organic condition that is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Different people react differently to pharmacological treatment regimes and most SSRI medications can take six weeks to become efficacious. It's not a silver bullet which is why people with depression should (IMHO)'be under the guidance and supervision of trained professionals.
If anyone here is suffering from acute depression, I recommend that you seek immediate assistance. Speak to your family doctor, talk to your family, talk to your teacher or kalayanamitta.
With metta,
Ben
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725
Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) •
Buddhist Global Relief •
UNHCR
e:
[email protected]..