How do you/did you tell unsupportive parents?

Discussion of ordination, the Vinaya and monastic life. How and where to ordain? Bhikkhuni ordination etc.
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Hanzze
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Re: How do you/did you tell unsupportive parents?

Post by Hanzze » Mon Oct 11, 2010 4:41 am

_/\_
Last edited by Hanzze on Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Just that! *smile*
...We Buddhists must find the courage to leave our temples and enter the temples of human experience, temples that are filled with suffering. If we listen to Buddha, Christ, or Gandhi, we can do nothing else. The refugee camps, the prisons, the ghettos, and the battlefields will become our temples. We have so much work to do. ... Peace is Possible! Step by Step. - Samtach Preah Maha Ghosananda "Step by Step" http://www.ghosananda.org/bio_book.html

BUT! it is important to become a real Buddhist first. Like Punna did: Punna Sutta Nate sante baram sokham _()_

Paññāsikhara
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Re: How do you/did you tell unsupportive parents?

Post by Paññāsikhara » Mon Oct 11, 2010 4:52 am

Viriya wrote:Some of you have been there, done that. How did you tell you parents you were going to become a monk/nun, how did they take it, and what would you do differently if you had another chance? How did you request their 'permission'? How did you reassure/convince your parents?

With much gratefulness,
Viriya
Just speak from the heart. There is no other way.

All the best! :anjali:
My recently moved Blog, containing some of my writings on the Buddha Dhamma, as well as a number of translations from classical Buddhist texts and modern authors, liturgy, etc.: Huifeng's Prajnacara Blog.

Sylvester
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Re: How do you/did you tell unsupportive parents?

Post by Sylvester » Mon Oct 11, 2010 8:49 am

I wonder if Ven Sudinna's tactic would still work?

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Re: How do you/did you tell unsupportive parents?

Post by Paññāsikhara » Mon Oct 11, 2010 12:16 pm

Sylvester wrote:I wonder if Ven Sudinna's tactic would still work?
Whether it does or not, you only get one opportunity to find out!
My recently moved Blog, containing some of my writings on the Buddha Dhamma, as well as a number of translations from classical Buddhist texts and modern authors, liturgy, etc.: Huifeng's Prajnacara Blog.

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Hanzze
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Re: How do you/did you tell unsupportive parents?

Post by Hanzze » Tue Oct 12, 2010 9:32 am

_/\_

To honor, Respect, support And Attend On Parents Is Most Blissful.

Ministering to parents is one of the sterling qualities of man. The Lord laid particular stress on the practice of this virtue on many occasions. In the observance of ministering by the bhikkhus, to laymen is permitted, yet in the case of ministering to parents, the Lord Buddha not only encouraged it, but made it a necessity to attend to the needs of their parents. From this instance, we can gather how pressing is the attention of parents, that it becomes the immediate duty of man and woman to render all the assistance to their parents. They are not to fail in the duty bound by their birth to the parents who in their love are watchful over the safety and well being of their children, and rear them through the passage of their young and carefree days; with what care, love and sacrifice they throw their all. No poverty or wealth is any deterrent to the love and sacrifice of a mother over her tender one. She is the potent guardian seeking no gain or honour but so pure and noble in her love, that she gives her life for the sole protection of her frail little child. This display of strong maternal love is also evident among the animals.

How, then, could it be justified for any one to be in absolute neglect in the discharge of their duty towards their parents at time when they are so dependent on the care and support of their children. It is the time that they seriously reflect on the foregoing obligation that as age and care have their hold on their parents, it is primarly their part to lend the helping hand that was once given them.

May all those who look well after their parents, continue their good mission, gathering strength from day to day, and thus bring about their noblest virtue by ministering to their parents.

Illustration.

Venerable Sariputta Thera, the chief disciple of The Lord Buddha, knew his time was near; his mortal life drew close to its journey’s end and the vision of the state of Pari-Nibbana become manifested to him. It was on this point of his reflection that it devolved upon him his final duty to repay the many debt of gratitude he owed to his mother.

Lady Sari was a very fortunate woman to be the mother of seven Arahats, the greatest among whom was the Ven. Sariputta. Her belief was the worship of Brahma, and to this end she spared her entrie devotion to the utter neglect, to seek the real refuge in the Triple Gem. It was also Ven. Sariputta’s desire to win her faith in the Triple Gem, that made him seek that very place, wherin his Pari-Nibbana may be gained. Ven. Sariputta made his last request to the Lord Buddha about his Pari-Nibbana at the house of his mother as the last homage to be accorded to her. It was a great hour, when the chief disciple in deep reverence, paid his last respects to the Lord Buddha and taking his leave, accompanied by his five hundred followers, he walked slowly away.

Jetevana Temple was alive with a large crowd of devotees and people who came to see the Ven. Sariputta Thera. It was a scene heavy with the free offering of flowers and food, they paid their last respect to him, and cried in grief that with the departure of their beloved teacher the Ven. Sariputta, all was ended for him.
Like bleating lambs after their mother sheep, this huge congregation of men followed their teacher for a long distance, until the Ven. Sariputta gave them his final blessing and advised them to be heedful and diligent in their conduct. He then turned to go on his journey homeward together with his five hundred followers.

On the way thousands of men and woman were fortunate enough to hear the deliverance of the Dhamma by the Ven. Sariputta. On the seventh day, he reached the city and rested under the cool shade of a bunyan tree. Here he was met by his nephew Uparevata who paid him due respect. Ven. Sariputta requested his nephew that his mother be informed of his coming, and that arrangements be made for the accommodation of his five hundred followers.

When the news came to Lady Sari, she received it with mixed feeling of joy and surprise, and with her motherly love, she thought of her son who, perhaps with age advanced, considered it necessary to disrobe himself. So hastily she sent people to extend her welcome to his homecoming. Having set food in his mother’s house, Ven. Sariputta proceeded straight to the room where he was born, and was soon laid up in bed suffering from acute diarrhea and the Ven. Cunda Thera was in attendance all the time.

The mother greatly alarmed at her son’s sudden illness, came near to the room where her son was, to see what assistance she could render. A strange vision met her wondering eyes. She saw four figures with shining light radiating their whole personalities going in and out of the room. A short while after the first apparition, there appeared another figure brilliantly lit about his whole person, standing before The Ven. Sariputta and then moved away again. His place was taken by another figure of great bearing and with a greater array of light in glowing brilliance issued forth from his body. He also stood for some time and left.

Still wondering on the perplexity of the strange vision she had seen, she enquired of the Ven. Cunda about the visitors and their strange mission. Ven. Cunda went near to the great Thera and informed him about the presence of his mother. The Ven. Sariputta knew the time was opportune to have his mother realise the truth about the Lord’s Dhamma and calmly the Great Thera spoke to lady Sari:-
“What has brought you here at this hour of night?” Lady Sari, her mind fixed on the wellbeing of her noble son and kindled still with that affection and love of a great mother, said softly:-
Dear son, the only joy to warm my heart is to see you well and happy. Tell me. O! son what ails you, and what is your present state of health. Tell me too O! son the mission of your four noble guest, whose glowing light lit up the room you slept.”

The Ven. Sariputta replied, “It accounts for the presence of the four chief devas of the Caturmaharajika Heaven who came to pay their homage.

“O dear son great is the respect they accord thee. Art thou higher in thy virtue whereby these devas pay their humble homage?”

O Upasika, the four personalities thou glorify are the four guardians who with their drawn swords kept gracious guard over the Lord, The Buddha, from the very day of his confinement in His mother’s womb.”

Then, dear son, who is the one who appeared next after them?”

“O Upasika, he is Sakka, the king of devas.”

“O dear son, do thou in thy loftiness stand higher than this Sakka, the king of devas?”
“O Upasika, Sakka in thy esteem is like a Samanera (precept holder of lower ordination) whose glowing tribute is his attendance on a Bhikkhu. He was in attendance to our Lord, carrying his robes when He descended from the Tavatimsa Heaven.”

“Then O son, who is the great shining personality, the brilliance of whose light radiating forth, is greater than the moonbeams that cast upon this room?”

“O! Upasika, He is your blessed teacher Maha Brahma whom in thy devotion made most sincere.”

“Oh! dear son, do thou in thy excellence outshine the grandeur of my blessed teacher Maha Brahma?”

“Oh! Upasika, Maha Brahma great in thy exhaltation, is no other than the one who with outspread net received our Lord Buddha when He was born.”

There was silence. Lady Sari beamed with immense joy that she knew not how, what is her son’s supreme attainment that surpassed the greatness of her most blessed teacher, the Maha Brahma. Then Ven. Sariputta knew that her time was near to bring home the truth of the Lord’s doctrine.

“O Upasika, what is it that weighs in your mind now that this silence brings?”

“Oh dear son, I have known no greater joy than this realisation brings that, if my son strived for that great enlightenment with wondrous achievement, it places me in deep wonder, what greater exhaltation could his teacher dispose to.”

“Oh! Upasika, there is no comparison to bring forth the greatness of the most Exalted One, our Lord The Buddha, for this great earth tremored and quaked with tremendous force to herald the time of His birth; His great renunciation; His supreme Enlightenment and His first deliverance of the sermon, Turning the wheel of Law.

Throughout the expanse of the whole universe, no greater one ever lived, who can be likened unto Him, that in so far they become matchless in which He excelled in virtue, compassion and wisdom; a gateway to eternal bliss free from the bondage of lust, hate and ignorance.”

Lady Sari saw the new vision of truth on the nobility of Buddha Ratna (Gem of Buddha) and she attained the fruits of the first Path, Sotapatti. She exclaimed, “O! Dear son, Upatissa, why have I waited so long yet now only taste the bliss of truth, whereby I gain the complete freedom that is eternal.”

Another dawn of day broke the eastern sky, a day so young yet pregnant and full, waiting the passing away of the Great Aharant. All the five hundred followers assembled in the early hour, many with sorrowing hearts and the time came fast to a close. The last parting words rang out once more, the humbleness of the Great Thera, Sariputta, soliciting their forgiveness, any failing of his, that occurred to them throughout their fortyfour years of loyal service to him, and lying on his right side, the Great Arahant, the chief disciple of Lord Buddha, attained Pari-Nibbana.
Last edited by Hanzze on Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Just that! *smile*
...We Buddhists must find the courage to leave our temples and enter the temples of human experience, temples that are filled with suffering. If we listen to Buddha, Christ, or Gandhi, we can do nothing else. The refugee camps, the prisons, the ghettos, and the battlefields will become our temples. We have so much work to do. ... Peace is Possible! Step by Step. - Samtach Preah Maha Ghosananda "Step by Step" http://www.ghosananda.org/bio_book.html

BUT! it is important to become a real Buddhist first. Like Punna did: Punna Sutta Nate sante baram sokham _()_

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Hanzze
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Re: How do you/did you tell unsupportive parents?

Post by Hanzze » Wed Oct 13, 2010 4:48 am

Suddhodana the Sakiyan spoke thus:
...Lord, when the Bhagava gave up the world, it was a great pain to me, so it was when Nanda did the same and now my pain is excessive that Rahula has done so as well. The love for a son, Lord, cuts into the skin... and dwells even in the marrow. Pray, Lord, do not let the venerable ones confer the going-forth on a son without the mother's and father's permission." Thus the rule come to be laid down respecting the ordination of a Samanera: "O bhikkhus, let no son receive the going - forth without the mother's and father's permission. Whoever should let one such go forth, there is an offence of wrong-doing"
Last edited by Hanzze on Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Just that! *smile*
...We Buddhists must find the courage to leave our temples and enter the temples of human experience, temples that are filled with suffering. If we listen to Buddha, Christ, or Gandhi, we can do nothing else. The refugee camps, the prisons, the ghettos, and the battlefields will become our temples. We have so much work to do. ... Peace is Possible! Step by Step. - Samtach Preah Maha Ghosananda "Step by Step" http://www.ghosananda.org/bio_book.html

BUT! it is important to become a real Buddhist first. Like Punna did: Punna Sutta Nate sante baram sokham _()_

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Viriya
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Location: The sunny sunny Gold Coast, Australia

Re: How do you/did you tell unsupportive parents?

Post by Viriya » Fri Oct 29, 2010 1:15 pm

Some shared experiences from Youtube on the topic...some with less supportive parents, some with more.

Ven. Uttamo (4) - Parents' Opposition
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATPIr0zL_1k

Ven. Uttamo (6) - Ordination and the parents
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3ebbWwp ... re=related

Ven. Kumara (8) - Dealing with Parents
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbcZMvdB ... re=related

Ven. Kumara's experience sounds rather like my own...

Ven. Kassapa Lamar University - How Did You Parents React to You Becoming a Monk?
(Warning: music at the end)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8mccDkOQyM

Ven. Dhammavuddho 9 - Attitude to parents
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwPp1hYd ... re=related

Ven. Dhammavuddho 10 - Leaving Home
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kacp54LB ... re=related


:anjali: May you all be well and happy!
I'm not very good at right speech, although I try, so please guide and correct me if necessary so I don't make bad kamma for myself and cause others to be annoyed. (=

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