I am afraid this may come a bit too late, but seeing that I have strong Christian parents, whom are very un-supportive, I felt I should at least make mention of my own experience. I knew I was not going to get an approving release, but I wanted to inform my parents of my interests, and felt I should prepare them for a possible monk for a son. I am currently seeking to become an Anagerika, so I have a few years to work on this issue.
A very wise Bhikkhu explained to me, that there were some "better" circumstances, in which I could communicate to my parents my interest in ordination. He suggested that the best way might be for me to
compose a letter: explaining the
sincerity of my interest; my
length of time thoughtfully considering my choice;
focusing on the study and training rather than the "religious" aspects (chanting, statues, bowing, etc.); and most importantly,
keeping the focus on - NOT what I didn't like about their religion or their values (perceived as a personal attack), but on what I found in
similarities to values in Buddhism (HH Dalai Lama likes to speak, in regarding to all religions, being focused on compassion). Focusing on the values of compassion, loving-kindness, sympathetic joy, and equanimity are valuable points.
Writing a letter gives you time to compose your thoughts, be less emotionally charged, and lets them read, think and ponder your decision. You can even read them the letter if you wanted to speak to them in person.
He suggested that if I spoke to them in person, it may/may not be best to do it at home. As you have to consider a "cooling off" period, where you both may have to go to separate rooms or separate places or some space to regroup. He suggested that writing a letter and/or speaking to them in person would be best to show my sincerity, earnest attempt at providing understanding and investment of time. He suggested
NOT emailing or calling, where it might seem insensitive or easily dismissive (i.e. "click"...dial tone). As my parents were always the "under my roof you will/will not..." kind, I thought writing a letter would be best.
I spent 3 weeks writing and refining my letter, until my parents called and (having not seen me in 3 years) offered to fly me home.
Flying home, I brought the letter with me and I spoke to them in person. I paraphrased my letter, and gave them time to ask questions and get emotional. By the end, my mother wanted to have my letter, gave me the "you're 40-something, you're gonna do, what you're gonna do" and my dad could only say he was disappointed. Not exactly the Vinya prescribed approval/release from fiduciary responsibilities.
As I have other brothers and sisters, I've been told, their reluctant "[go]...you're gonna do it regardless" was enough in it's neutrality to release me. Others have said, they are non-Buddhists ("holders of wrong views"), so they can't understand the importance of Dhamma, thus I can be released (which Dhammanando Bhikkhu points out may not be the (
case). As I have a few years until I am formally requested, regarding my parents approval, I am hoping the supreme teaching, which is Dhamma, will cool their heated hearts.
My last resort, would be, as Dhammanando Bhikkhu further points out :
But there are also quite a number of exceptions given in the Vinaya Atthakathā (Samantapāsādikā. v. 1011-12)
... (12) Then, [one saying] "I shall jump from a tree," has climbed up and is about to let go with his hands and feet. It is suitable to let him go forth.
I'm hoping it doesn't have to come to that.... Good Luck with your own conversation!