Parents permission - how to do?

Discussion of ordination, the Vinaya and monastic life. How and where to ordain? Bhikkhuni ordination etc.
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Nwad
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Parents permission - how to do?

Post by Nwad » Sat Feb 24, 2018 11:43 am

Hello dear friends,

How to do if your parents are against one's ordonation and its impossible to explain Dhamma to them?
If my memory is good, there is a case in Canon when some young householder said to their parents that he will stop feeding himself, stay liyng on the spot until they will no give their permission... - is this method will be a good one/skillful to obtain the permission, or will be considered as a ruse ?

Thanks :anjali:

perkele
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Re: Parents permission - how to do?

Post by perkele » Sun Feb 25, 2018 10:06 pm

Nwad wrote:
Sat Feb 24, 2018 11:43 am
If my memory is good, there is a case in Canon when some young householder said to their parents that he will stop feeding himself, stay liyng on the spot until they will no give their permission... - is this method will be a good one/skillful to obtain the permission, or will be considered as a ruse ?
Probably no one can answer that for you, what will be skillful/appropriate/effective in case of your parents in order to convince them.
That there exists a story in the Pali canon where someone gained permission from his parents to ordain by such means does not mean that it will work for you and not bring you into trouble.

:anjali:

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dylanj
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Re: Parents permission - how to do?

Post by dylanj » Mon Feb 26, 2018 1:11 am

Nwad wrote:
Sat Feb 24, 2018 11:43 am
Hello dear friends,

How to do if your parents are against one's ordonation and its impossible to explain Dhamma to them?
If my memory is good, there is a case in Canon when some young householder said to their parents that he will stop feeding himself, stay liyng on the spot until they will no give their permission... - is this method will be a good one/skillful to obtain the permission, or will be considered as a ruse ?

Thanks :anjali:
i think this sounds good, also similar things
susukhaṁ vata nibbānaṁ,
sammā­sambud­dha­desitaṁ;
asokaṁ virajaṁ khemaṁ,
yattha dukkhaṁ nirujjhatī


Oh! extinction is so very blissful,
As taught by the One Rightly Self-Awakened:
Sorrowless, stainless, secure;
Where suffering all ceases


etaṁ santaṁ etaṁ paṇītaṁ yadidaṁ sabbasaṅkhārasamatho sabbūpadhipaṭi nissaggo taṇhakkhayo virāgo nirodho nibbānaṁ

This is peaceful, this is excellent, that is: the stilling of all preparations, the relinquishment of all attachments, the destruction of craving, detachment, cessation, extinction.

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Nwad
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Re: Parents permission - how to do?

Post by Nwad » Mon Feb 26, 2018 1:35 pm

The problem is that will bring aversion in my mothers mind towards Triple Gem, it will be a war, and if she say Yes by this means it would be sounds like No, because in her heart it will be No...

Or i go in monastery and still as samanera... Get bhikkhu kamma will be good but training and environement will be the same.

perkele
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Re: Parents permission - how to do?

Post by perkele » Mon Feb 26, 2018 2:23 pm

Nwad wrote:
Mon Feb 26, 2018 1:35 pm
The problem is that will bring aversion in my mothers mind towards Triple Gem, it will be a war, and if she say Yes by this means it would be sounds like No, because in her heart it will be No...
Yes, that is what I was thinking as well. It would be even more difficult for an outsider to decide whether it will turn out to be good or not.
Also whether you will really be able to go in peace yourself. And this will be the more important thing, I think: whether you can go in peace, no matter what. Even if in her heart your mother disagrees but still having obtained the "legal permission" through whatever method. If you can not be in peace with that it will be a hindrance for you. So I think this should be the main focus: How can you go in peace? After all what you can be responsible for is your own state of mind, but not the mind of someone else.
If you are confident and 100% sure that you can be in peace if you are being let go by your mother in this manner, then I think it might be good.
Nwad wrote:Or i go in monastery and still as samanera... Get bhikkhu kamma will be good but training and environement will be the same.
Is it true that to be ordained as samanera one does not need the parents' permission? I would be happy to hear that this were true. But I am not sure about it. Are you sure about this?

But even if not ordaining as a samanera, but first only going to a monastery where you can first live as still a layperson or "anagarika" and stay for a longer time. Maybe this would be helpful for your mother to get used to, so you could get permission to be ordained there still later?

How old are you? How old is your mother? Does she need your help? Do you have siblings?
In which country do you live?
(Since you said "she", I am assuming only about your mother. What is with your father? Does he still live?)

Wishing you all the best that you can find a good way.

:anjali:

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Nwad
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Re: Parents permission - how to do?

Post by Nwad » Mon Feb 26, 2018 4:11 pm

Is it true that to be ordained as samanera one does not need the parents' permission? I would be happy to hear that this were true. But I am not sure about it. Are you sure about this?
Prety sure, if informations from my reserches on this forum are good ;)
But even if not ordaining as a samanera, but first only going to a monastery where you can first live as still a layperson or "anagarika" and stay for a longer time. Maybe this would be helpful for your mother to get used to, so you could get permission to be ordained there still later?
This what i think too, it will help perhaps!
How old are you? How old is your mother? Does she need your help? Do you have siblings?
In which country do you live?
(Since you said "she", I am assuming only about your mother. What is with your father? Does he still live?)
Iam sorry i dont like to tell all that information on the web ;) but she dont need me in material way, rather in emotional way... Also i get a perfect job, perfect girlfriend, all is perfect and "on the paper" iam a happy man, but there is no happiness... Actualy when i was 23 i already wanted to ordain, but my mother said No, said me that iam to young and should try lay life, so i tryed... All is good, because of good past kamma, but i dont need all that... So now i try to ordain again ^^

I think i will be ok for me to leave in this way, because i does what she wanted me to do, i tried to stay and appreciate my lay life, but i cant, its complitely void for me, have no sens, no value, iam just wasting my time in job... So if she maintain her No even after my efforts to stay, this No will not be based on nothing but just on delusion, and selfishness because she see that i suffer here, but she still wanting her lovely son to stay near to her...

I will go in monastery this summer, i will ask them what they think about this...

Thank you to listening my life problems :) :anjali:

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Nwad
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Re: Parents permission - how to do?

Post by Nwad » Sun Mar 11, 2018 1:16 pm

Finaly we found a good deal with my mother.

I buy a litte secluded house (5-6 years of dept) i live in my practice as i wish, i work, study Dhamma, visit monasteries etc.
And when the house will be pourchised, and if i still want to ordain - i could do so :)

6 years is a lot, but it will give me occasion to practice the greater of austereties - patience :meditate:

:anjali:

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Zom
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Re: Parents permission - how to do?

Post by Zom » Sun Mar 11, 2018 3:45 pm

Also whether you will really be able to go in peace yourself. And this will be the more important thing, I think: whether you can go in peace, no matter what.
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