How does a Buddhist socialise?

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nichiren-123
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How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by nichiren-123 »

I don't know exactly how to explain his but I will try
I've been (attempting) to practice the eightfold path for about a month now.
I've noticed that when in social situations you have to react quickly in order to get by socially.
But this seems incompatible with the teachings of the Buddha which require heedfulness and careful thought.

So how does a Buddhist go about in social situations?
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Sam Vara
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by Sam Vara »

nichiren-123 wrote:I don't know exactly how to explain his but I will try
I've been (attempting) to practice the eightfold path for about a month now.
I've noticed that when in social situations you have to react quickly in order to get by socially.
But this seems incompatible with the teachings of the Buddha which require heedfulness and careful thought.

So how does a Buddhist go about in social situations?
By getting sharper and faster with the heedfulness and careful thought. These things don't have to be slow, so that in company we act like we are dazed or stupid. Start with getting the basics right, be gentle with yourself over any mistakes, and remember that if you are trying to do better than before then you are already making progress. Soon the heedful habits of mind will start to become "second nature", and you will feel more comfortable.
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CedarTree
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by CedarTree »

With loving kindness, equanimity, and the other Buddhist virtues.

In general they socialize in the most natural way possible. For the benefit of everyone and everything they come in contact with :)

I.e. Why we call awakened beings "Noble beings"


Practice, Practice, Practice

dharmacorps
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by dharmacorps »

Practice right speech. Don't harm anyone with your words. That's all I can seem to keep in mind anyway!
justindesilva
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by justindesilva »

nichiren-123 wrote:I don't know exactly how to explain his but I will try
I've been (attempting) to practice the eightfold path for about a month now.
I've noticed that when in social situations you have to react quickly in order to get by socially.
But this seems incompatible with the teachings of the Buddha which require heedfulness and careful thought.

So how does a Buddhist go about in social situations?
Sigalovada sutta explains how a layman should go about in society while sticking to pancasila. It explains how a person can go astray by not sticking to pancasila. It further explains how one should earn wealth within lay society while treating elders , and it is not my desire to explain this sutta as it is available on the net.
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seeker242
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by seeker242 »

With Metta :smile:
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mario92
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by mario92 »

I have the same problem, i was in the habit of having too much iddle talk last semester because i was fear of became like too much serious, but it can be an advantage about being very focused and alert when in classroom no moving limbs, etc. In general i had been with this fear of dependence on someone, and telling jokes, but it can also lead to disrespectful treat :P in some ways.
2600htz
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by 2600htz »

Hello:

If u are into reading buddhism, at first u will have a tendency to overextend some of the buddhist concepts in social situations, and that will cause a lot of dissatisfaction and stress. With time u will get better at finding the right amount of energy.

Regards.
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_anicca_
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by _anicca_ »

You want to be careful to guard your speech and avoid, what the Buddha called, idle chatter. This sort of speech is not conducive to mindfulness and can lead to other forms of unwholesome speech such as gossiping, slandering, and lying.

Socialization should be kept to a minimum because the dhamma is not for people who want to be out in the world. A foundation in solitude is very important to progress. Often times, we use socialization as a way to entertain and distract ourselves from our defilements and the work that needs to be done: it is largely a waste of time.

When you do go out, Thanissaro Bhikkhu says the three questions you should ask yourself before speaking are 1)Is it true? 2)Is it beneficial? 3)Is it the right time and place? If all of these criteria are not met, then it would be best not to speak.

We have to speak few words if we want few thoughts.
"A virtuous monk, Kotthita my friend, should attend in an appropriate way to the five clinging-aggregates as inconstant, stressful, a disease, a cancer, an arrow, painful, an affliction, alien, a dissolution, an emptiness, not-self."

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Aloka
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by Aloka »

annica wrote:Socialization should be kept to a minimum because the dhamma is not for people who want to be out in the world.
Well by that kind of reasoning I shouldn't be a Buddhist at all - because schoolteachers have to interact with others and be "out in the world," just like lay buddhists working in the social services, doctors and nurses in the medical profession and many other Buddhists who have regular employment in their daily lives. We can't all sit in silence on a cushion all day.
We have to speak few words if we want few thoughts.
I don't have to speak any words at all in order to have thoughts about a cold drink of water on a hot day! :)

nichiren-123 wrote:So how does a Buddhist go about in social situations?

By being relaxed and mindful and with kindness and non-harming.


:anjali:
Faelig
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by Faelig »

_anicca_ wrote:You want to be careful to guard your speech and avoid, what the Buddha called, idle chatter. This sort of speech is not conducive to mindfulness and can lead to other forms of unwholesome speech such as gossiping, slandering, and lying.

Socialization should be kept to a minimum because the dhamma is not for people who want to be out in the world. A foundation in solitude is very important to progress. Often times, we use socialization as a way to entertain and distract ourselves from our defilements and the work that needs to be done: it is largely a waste of time.

When you do go out, Thanissaro Bhikkhu says the three questions you should ask yourself before speaking are 1)Is it true? 2)Is it beneficial? 3)Is it the right time and place? If all of these criteria are not met, then it would be best not to speak.

We have to speak few words if we want few thoughts.
:thumbsup:
JohnK
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by JohnK »

nichiren-123 wrote:I don't know exactly how to explain...in social situations you have to react quickly in order to get by socially.
Hello, nichiren-123,
As you have not replied to the posts so far, it is hard to know if you think they are getting at what you are getting at that is hard to explain.
I'll offer a different angle: maybe you don't have to react quickly to get by socially. I think saying, "I'm not sure" or "I'd have to think about that" (or pausing a bit before speaking) are fine answers. If others think that you are somehow "not getting by" because of this, that may be their problem and not yours. You might find that those who readily accept/respect your careful thought and speech are the ones worth socializing with.
Also, it could be useful to notice in the moment the "pressure" you might feel to react quickly; maybe it is coming at last in part from your own habits and conditioning (worth being free of). Maybe notice any unpleasantness or aversion that comes up -- dukkha (knowing dukkha is first noble task).
I just wanted to offer a different angle on your question.
Those who grasp at perceptions & views wander the internet creating friction. [based on Sn4:9,v.847]
nichiren-123
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by nichiren-123 »

JohnK wrote:
nichiren-123 wrote:I don't know exactly how to explain...in social situations you have to react quickly in order to get by socially.
Hello, nichiren-123,
As you have not replied to the posts so far, it is hard to know if you think they are getting at what you are getting at that is hard to explain.
I'll offer a different angle: maybe you don't have to react quickly to get by socially. I think saying, "I'm not sure" or "I'd have to think about that" (or pausing a bit before speaking) are fine answers. If others think that you are somehow "not getting by" because of this, that may be their problem and not yours. You might find that those who readily accept/respect your careful thought and speech are the ones worth socializing with.
Also, it could be useful to notice in the moment the "pressure" you might feel to react quickly; maybe it is coming at last in part from your own habits and conditioning (worth being free of). Maybe notice any unpleasantness or aversion that comes up -- dukkha (knowing dukkha is first noble task).
I just wanted to offer a different angle on your question.
I feel like when I'm on my own I have time to act mindfully and to investigate various dharmas. I have time to observe myself. When I'm in social situations then I don't have time to observe myself and instead I am in more of a 'reactive' mindstate where I am simply reacting rather than observing.
lostitude
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Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by lostitude »

Aloka wrote:
annica wrote:Socialization should be kept to a minimum because the dhamma is not for people who want to be out in the world.
Well by that kind of reasoning I shouldn't be a Buddhist at all - because schoolteachers have to interact with others and be "out in the world," just like lay buddhists working in the social services, doctors and nurses in the medical profession and many other Buddhists who have regular employment in their daily lives. We can't all sit in silence on a cushion all day.
I don't think Annica was referring to *this* type of socialization you are talking about. I think he was referring to hanging out with friends. I imagine you don't sit around gossipping with your pupils, that's probably his point :)
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