How does a Buddhist socialise?

A forum for beginners and members of other Buddhist traditions to ask questions about Theravāda (The Way of the Elders). Responses require moderator approval before they are visible.
Post Reply
nichiren-123
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2017 10:24 am

How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by nichiren-123 » Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:28 am

I don't know exactly how to explain his but I will try
I've been (attempting) to practice the eightfold path for about a month now.
I've noticed that when in social situations you have to react quickly in order to get by socially.
But this seems incompatible with the teachings of the Buddha which require heedfulness and careful thought.

So how does a Buddhist go about in social situations?

User avatar
Sam Vara
Posts: 2447
Joined: Sun Jun 05, 2011 5:42 pm

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by Sam Vara » Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:51 am

nichiren-123 wrote:I don't know exactly how to explain his but I will try
I've been (attempting) to practice the eightfold path for about a month now.
I've noticed that when in social situations you have to react quickly in order to get by socially.
But this seems incompatible with the teachings of the Buddha which require heedfulness and careful thought.

So how does a Buddhist go about in social situations?
By getting sharper and faster with the heedfulness and careful thought. These things don't have to be slow, so that in company we act like we are dazed or stupid. Start with getting the basics right, be gentle with yourself over any mistakes, and remember that if you are trying to do better than before then you are already making progress. Soon the heedful habits of mind will start to become "second nature", and you will feel more comfortable.

User avatar
CedarTree
Posts: 245
Joined: Fri Jun 23, 2017 9:37 pm

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by CedarTree » Wed Aug 16, 2017 6:39 pm

With loving kindness, equanimity, and the other Buddhist virtues.

In general they socialize in the most natural way possible. For the benefit of everyone and everything they come in contact with :)

I.e. Why we call awakened beings "Noble beings"


Practice, Practice, Practice


dharmacorps
Posts: 206
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2015 7:33 pm

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by dharmacorps » Thu Aug 17, 2017 1:02 am

Practice right speech. Don't harm anyone with your words. That's all I can seem to keep in mind anyway!

justindesilva
Posts: 434
Joined: Wed Jul 27, 2016 12:38 pm

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by justindesilva » Thu Aug 17, 2017 5:09 am

nichiren-123 wrote:I don't know exactly how to explain his but I will try
I've been (attempting) to practice the eightfold path for about a month now.
I've noticed that when in social situations you have to react quickly in order to get by socially.
But this seems incompatible with the teachings of the Buddha which require heedfulness and careful thought.

So how does a Buddhist go about in social situations?
Sigalovada sutta explains how a layman should go about in society while sticking to pancasila. It explains how a person can go astray by not sticking to pancasila. It further explains how one should earn wealth within lay society while treating elders , and it is not my desire to explain this sutta as it is available on the net.

User avatar
seeker242
Posts: 630
Joined: Thu Mar 08, 2012 3:01 am

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by seeker242 » Thu Aug 17, 2017 12:09 pm

With Metta :smile:

mario92
Posts: 247
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2013 1:37 am
Location: My house

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by mario92 » Fri Aug 18, 2017 2:43 am

I have the same problem, i was in the habit of having too much iddle talk last semester because i was fear of became like too much serious, but it can be an advantage about being very focused and alert when in classroom no moving limbs, etc. In general i had been with this fear of dependence on someone, and telling jokes, but it can also lead to disrespectful treat :P in some ways.
I think karma is the first topic we should understand before starting in meditation.

2600htz
Posts: 205
Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2010 11:37 pm

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by 2600htz » Sat Aug 19, 2017 4:38 pm

Hello:

If u are into reading buddhism, at first u will have a tendency to overextend some of the buddhist concepts in social situations, and that will cause a lot of dissatisfaction and stress. With time u will get better at finding the right amount of energy.

Regards.

User avatar
_anicca_
Posts: 313
Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2016 9:44 pm

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by _anicca_ » Sat Aug 19, 2017 7:27 pm

You want to be careful to guard your speech and avoid, what the Buddha called, idle chatter. This sort of speech is not conducive to mindfulness and can lead to other forms of unwholesome speech such as gossiping, slandering, and lying.

Socialization should be kept to a minimum because the dhamma is not for people who want to be out in the world. A foundation in solitude is very important to progress. Often times, we use socialization as a way to entertain and distract ourselves from our defilements and the work that needs to be done: it is largely a waste of time.

When you do go out, Thanissaro Bhikkhu says the three questions you should ask yourself before speaking are 1)Is it true? 2)Is it beneficial? 3)Is it the right time and place? If all of these criteria are not met, then it would be best not to speak.

We have to speak few words if we want few thoughts.
"A virtuous monk, Kotthita my friend, should attend in an appropriate way to the five clinging-aggregates as inconstant, stressful, a disease, a cancer, an arrow, painful, an affliction, alien, a dissolution, an emptiness, not-self."

:buddha1:

http://vipassanameditation.asia

User avatar
Aloka
Posts: 5632
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:51 pm

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by Aloka » Sun Aug 20, 2017 12:59 pm

annica wrote:Socialization should be kept to a minimum because the dhamma is not for people who want to be out in the world.
Well by that kind of reasoning I shouldn't be a Buddhist at all - because schoolteachers have to interact with others and be "out in the world," just like lay buddhists working in the social services, doctors and nurses in the medical profession and many other Buddhists who have regular employment in their daily lives. We can't all sit in silence on a cushion all day.
We have to speak few words if we want few thoughts.
I don't have to speak any words at all in order to have thoughts about a cold drink of water on a hot day! :)

nichiren-123 wrote:So how does a Buddhist go about in social situations?

By being relaxed and mindful and with kindness and non-harming.


:anjali:

Faelig
Posts: 37
Joined: Tue Nov 10, 2015 5:41 pm

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by Faelig » Tue Aug 22, 2017 1:29 pm

_anicca_ wrote:You want to be careful to guard your speech and avoid, what the Buddha called, idle chatter. This sort of speech is not conducive to mindfulness and can lead to other forms of unwholesome speech such as gossiping, slandering, and lying.

Socialization should be kept to a minimum because the dhamma is not for people who want to be out in the world. A foundation in solitude is very important to progress. Often times, we use socialization as a way to entertain and distract ourselves from our defilements and the work that needs to be done: it is largely a waste of time.

When you do go out, Thanissaro Bhikkhu says the three questions you should ask yourself before speaking are 1)Is it true? 2)Is it beneficial? 3)Is it the right time and place? If all of these criteria are not met, then it would be best not to speak.

We have to speak few words if we want few thoughts.
:thumbsup:

JohnK
Posts: 464
Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2016 11:06 pm
Location: Tetons, Wyoming, USA

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by JohnK » Tue Aug 22, 2017 7:33 pm

nichiren-123 wrote:I don't know exactly how to explain...in social situations you have to react quickly in order to get by socially.
Hello, nichiren-123,
As you have not replied to the posts so far, it is hard to know if you think they are getting at what you are getting at that is hard to explain.
I'll offer a different angle: maybe you don't have to react quickly to get by socially. I think saying, "I'm not sure" or "I'd have to think about that" (or pausing a bit before speaking) are fine answers. If others think that you are somehow "not getting by" because of this, that may be their problem and not yours. You might find that those who readily accept/respect your careful thought and speech are the ones worth socializing with.
Also, it could be useful to notice in the moment the "pressure" you might feel to react quickly; maybe it is coming at last in part from your own habits and conditioning (worth being free of). Maybe notice any unpleasantness or aversion that comes up -- dukkha (knowing dukkha is first noble task).
I just wanted to offer a different angle on your question.
"Why is it, Master Kaccana, that ascetics fight with ascetics?"
"It is, brahmin, because of attachment to views, adherence to views, fixation on views, addiction to views, obsession with views, holding firmly to views that ascetics fight with ascetics" (AN 2: iv, 6, abridged).
Kindly eyes, not verbal daggers.

nichiren-123
Posts: 22
Joined: Tue Jul 04, 2017 10:24 am

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by nichiren-123 » Wed Aug 23, 2017 9:45 am

JohnK wrote:
nichiren-123 wrote:I don't know exactly how to explain...in social situations you have to react quickly in order to get by socially.
Hello, nichiren-123,
As you have not replied to the posts so far, it is hard to know if you think they are getting at what you are getting at that is hard to explain.
I'll offer a different angle: maybe you don't have to react quickly to get by socially. I think saying, "I'm not sure" or "I'd have to think about that" (or pausing a bit before speaking) are fine answers. If others think that you are somehow "not getting by" because of this, that may be their problem and not yours. You might find that those who readily accept/respect your careful thought and speech are the ones worth socializing with.
Also, it could be useful to notice in the moment the "pressure" you might feel to react quickly; maybe it is coming at last in part from your own habits and conditioning (worth being free of). Maybe notice any unpleasantness or aversion that comes up -- dukkha (knowing dukkha is first noble task).
I just wanted to offer a different angle on your question.
I feel like when I'm on my own I have time to act mindfully and to investigate various dharmas. I have time to observe myself. When I'm in social situations then I don't have time to observe myself and instead I am in more of a 'reactive' mindstate where I am simply reacting rather than observing.

lostitude
Posts: 409
Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2015 1:02 am

Re: How does a Buddhist socialise?

Post by lostitude » Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:00 pm

Aloka wrote:
annica wrote:Socialization should be kept to a minimum because the dhamma is not for people who want to be out in the world.
Well by that kind of reasoning I shouldn't be a Buddhist at all - because schoolteachers have to interact with others and be "out in the world," just like lay buddhists working in the social services, doctors and nurses in the medical profession and many other Buddhists who have regular employment in their daily lives. We can't all sit in silence on a cushion all day.
I don't think Annica was referring to *this* type of socialization you are talking about. I think he was referring to hanging out with friends. I imagine you don't sit around gossipping with your pupils, that's probably his point :)

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: khemindas and 8 guests