Friendship

A forum for beginners and members of other Buddhist traditions to ask questions about Theravāda (The Way of the Elders). Responses require moderator approval before they are visible in order to double-check alignment to Theravāda orthodoxy.
Post Reply
Tom
Posts: 293
Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:50 pm

Friendship

Post by Tom »

I've read that in the Khaggavisana Sutta, it is suggested that we should "wander alone". Was this teaching only meant for specific people, because I'm personally grappling with the idea on whether or not I should abandon my friends, after reading this. Are there any other suttas where the Buddha discusses friendship?
User avatar
tiltbillings
Posts: 23046
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:25 am

Re: Friendship

Post by tiltbillings »

You might want to start here:

http://www.accesstoinsight.org/search_r ... friendship" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723
Tom
Posts: 293
Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:50 pm

Re: Friendship

Post by Tom »

Thanks for that. Do you think one should abandon non-buddhist friends? If you've ever had non-buddhist friends, how did you deal with these relationships while attempting to follow the path (of the Buddha)?
User avatar
tiltbillings
Posts: 23046
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:25 am

Re: Friendship

Post by tiltbillings »

ccharles wrote:Thanks for that. Do you think one should abandon non-buddhist friends?
Just because they are not Buddhist, no.
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723
Tom
Posts: 293
Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2012 9:50 pm

Re: Friendship

Post by Tom »

tiltbillings wrote:
ccharles wrote:Thanks for that. Do you think one should abandon non-buddhist friends?
Just because they are not Buddhist, no.
I guess I was considering that because of all the talk on kalyanamitta, and "wandering alone". I guess I need to consider this issue more deeply, but it'd be great to see anyone else's opinions on this.
User avatar
DNS
Site Admin
Posts: 17188
Joined: Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:15 am
Location: Las Vegas, Nevada, Estados Unidos de América
Contact:

Re: Friendship

Post by DNS »

Wandering alone is when one cannot find a suitable, wholesome friend. Kalyana-mittas are good to find, but nothing wrong with non-Buddhist friends as long as the activity is wholesome; for example, if there is a friend you like to play 'a round of 18' holes of golf with, nothing wrong with that or a tennis partner, etc. The discussion could remain on golf, family, or something other than religion. A friend who only wants to gossip or go out drinking (alcohol) on the other hand would be one to perhaps abandon (Buddhist or non-Buddhist).
User avatar
tiltbillings
Posts: 23046
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:25 am

Re: Friendship

Post by tiltbillings »

You might find this of interest:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... el188.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723
User avatar
Ben
Posts: 18438
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 12:49 am
Location: kanamaluka

Re: Friendship

Post by Ben »

ccharles wrote:If you've ever had non-buddhist friends, how did you deal with these relationships while attempting to follow the path (of the Buddha)?
I married one of my non-Buddhist friends.
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road

Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725

Compassionate Hands Foundation (Buddhist aid in Myanmar) • Buddhist Global ReliefUNHCR

e: [email protected]..
User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Re: Friendship

Post by DAWN »

Wandering alone - is the best condition.
Joy from seclusion - is the best fruit.

Every body make his choices. Seclusion is for those beaings who have only one choice - freedom.
Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...
I'am sorry for my english
Digity
Posts: 1445
Joined: Wed Mar 30, 2011 2:13 am

Re: Friendship

Post by Digity »

DAWN wrote:Wandering alone - is the best condition.
Joy from seclusion - is the best fruit.

Every body make his choices. Seclusion is for those beaings who have only one choice - freedom.
I don't agree. I think finding spiritual friends is ideal...although, if that option doesn't exist then it's better to wander alone than to wander with fools.
User avatar
tiltbillings
Posts: 23046
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:25 am

Re: Friendship

Post by tiltbillings »

Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path. SN 45.2 PTS: S v 2 CDB ii 1524
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723
Digity
Posts: 1445
Joined: Wed Mar 30, 2011 2:13 am

Re: Friendship

Post by Digity »

tiltbillings wrote:
Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path. SN 45.2 PTS: S v 2 CDB ii 1524
Yes, I think admirable friends needs to be coupled with seclusion. Having people in your life doesn't exclude the possibility of seclusion.
User avatar
tiltbillings
Posts: 23046
Joined: Wed Dec 31, 2008 9:25 am

Re: Friendship

Post by tiltbillings »

Digity wrote:
tiltbillings wrote:
Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path. SN 45.2 PTS: S v 2 CDB ii 1524
Yes, I think admirable friends needs to be coupled with seclusion. Having people in your life doesn't exclude the possibility of seclusion.
Again, take a look at this:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/lib/auth ... el188.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
>> Do you see a man wise [enlightened/ariya] in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.<< -- Proverbs 26:12

This being is bound to samsara, kamma is his means for going beyond. -- SN I, 38.

“Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” HPatDH p.723
User avatar
DAWN
Posts: 801
Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2012 5:22 pm

Re: Friendship

Post by DAWN »

Digity wrote:
DAWN wrote:Wandering alone - is the best condition.
Joy from seclusion - is the best fruit.

Every body make his choices. Seclusion is for those beaings who have only one choice - freedom.
I don't agree. I think finding spiritual friends is ideal...although, if that option doesn't exist then it's better to wander alone than to wander with fools.
It's true, but i speak not about physical seclusion but seclusion of mind.
Guarding of six sense doors.

When a bad friend take a place of condition for your mind - it's bad.
When a noble friend take a place of condition for your mind - it's good.

IMO
Sabbe dhamma anatta
We are not concurents...
I'am sorry for my english
alan...
Posts: 824
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:37 pm

Re: Friendship

Post by alan... »

ccharles wrote:I've read that in the Khaggavisana Sutta, it is suggested that we should "wander alone". Was this teaching only meant for specific people, because I'm personally grappling with the idea on whether or not I should abandon my friends, after reading this. Are there any other suttas where the Buddha discusses friendship?
there is a huge amount of suttas where he recommends friendship! in fact he says it's "the whole of the holy life". now this is taken as a singular event directed at a single person or group of people for each sutta. so don't think just because sutta A says "wander alone" you must do exactly that and because sutta B says "have friends" you must do that. it depends on you, your situation in life, the kinds of friends available and so on. there are different methods for each person.

here is an example, but read the whole sutta and others to get the full idea.
Ananda wrote:"This is half of the holy life, lord: admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie."
The Buddha wrote:"Don't say that, Ananda. Don't say that. Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, & comrades, he can be expected to develop & pursue the noble eightfold path.
"Upaddha Sutta: Half (of the Holy Life)" (SN 45.2), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu. Access to Insight, 29 August 2012, http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka ... .than.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; . Retrieved on 24 December 2012.
Post Reply