chownah wrote: Annapurna wrote:
My reply is that I would gladly tell the girl......unless she has been brain washed by society into thinking that she has been irrevocably damaged she is probably right now in her school yard playing skip rope or some other such fun childish pastime......she probably will have no lasting malaise.....unless of course society instills (as it almost always does) its fear and loathing into her psyche. A bad thing has happened to her.....bad things happen to alot of people and usually they recover quite nicely. The idea that this little girls will be tortured all her life by what happened to her is mostly just an idea in your head....it is the "self" that you have made up for her.....this deluded "self" is one example of why the Buddha advised us to have no doctrine of self....in my view.
You might of course lose a bit from that Buddhist Pollyannaism if your own daughter got raped...
You are probably wrong about this......this is the way I live my life......the Buddha taught that we should have no doctrine of self whatever and I am doing my best to realize this in my life and to discuss what I see as different aspects of this teaching with others so that we might gain a better understanding. In my life when I feel hatred or disgust toward someone I often stop and reflect on my attitude as one more instance of creating a doctrine of self....a doctrine of self towards that person......I remind myself of the Buddha's teachings that everything happens because of conditions and this reminds me that what I see as unsatisfactory in that other person is a result of conditions and not a result of any "self" which I might construe. I thought that people understood how this works but I guess I was wrong.....and believe me it does really work....the conditions which created the hatred or disgust can perhaps be viewed more clearly and the stress which those emotions create fades away......in my view this is what victims need to learn....in my view this is what we all need to learn......seems like a good thing to me but then this is all only my view....
What the Buddha taught can only be relevant and beneficial to those rape victims who are are benefitting from the Buddhas teachings, for the rest it is unfortunately useless.
Another aspect is, that we can analyse something in a rational way, but we can't tell our emotions what to do.
It doesn't work.
Even if physical wounds have healed, emotional wounds will remain.
Rape is often not about sex, but sex a means to exert power, to humiliate, to punish, and to seek revenge.
The humiliation that is felt by a female victim is often extremely hard to understand for a man, because he finds nothing to compare it to.
For her, (ideally) her genital organs are there for someone she loves and admires, a partner. She trusts him not to hurt her, and any man can hurt a woman with his penis, unless it's a very small one.
If a woman is raped, then usually by someone who is beneath her and whom she would refuse to have sex with.
To be entered by such a man constitutes the gravest humiliation a woman can experience.
Some women start questioning themselves, like if they were not careful enough, dressed in the wrong way, or walked in a wrong area alone.
This leads to a loss of trust in herself and in all other men.
This is a grave loss of liberty, joy of life, , but none of this is her fault.
It is only and alone the rapists fault.
Even for Buddhist women it may not be all that easy to process this in a way that will allow her not to see a potential rapist in each man she is alone with in an elevator, a street, or a bus.