tiltbillings wrote: gabrielbranbury wrote:
Ben's advise sounds good too.
Best advice in this thread so far, since Ben has not posted yet in this thread.
Your is good, as well.
You guys made me laugh!
It seems as though my presence has been 'invoked', so here goes...
Craig, there aren't many of us who don't understand where you're at right now. And I think the plight we face either at the end of a relationship or when our love is not returned is made worse because we live in societies that reify romantic love. We are fed messages time and again that love is the highest truth, the pinnacle of experience and is everlasting. It was Charles Bukowski who said (I now no longer know where) that Love is a mad-dog from Hell.
Perhaps it was in his anthology of Poetry published under 'Burning in water, drowning in flames'. Anyway...
It was the Buddha who warned us all that from attachment comes suffering. Also, keep in mind from the suttas:
"That's the way it is, brahman. That's the way it is. Sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair are born from one who is dear, come springing from one who is dear. And it's through this sequence of events that it may be understood how sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair are born from one who is dear, come springing from one who is dear...
...Then Queen Mallika went to King Pasenadi Kosala and on arrival said to him, "What do you think, great king: Is Princess Vajiri dear to you?"
"Yes, Mallika, Princess Vajiri is dear to me."
"And what do you think: would sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair arise in you from any change & aberration in Princess Vajiri?"
"Mallika, any change & aberration in Princess Vajiri would mean an aberration of my very life. How could sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair not arise in me?"
"Great king, it was in connection with this that the Blessed One — the One who knows, the One who sees, worthy, & rightly self-awakened — said, 'Sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair are born from one who is dear, come springing from one who is dear.'
From memory, this insn’t the only example where someone, or a couple, were made aware of the reality that romantic love, like everything else, was anicca, anatta, and dukkha, and not the everlasting and sublime state we are hoodwinked into believing.
Craig, right now, apart from continuing with your practice, there isn’t much else I can advise you on doing. Maintain your precepts, your meditation and study. Other people’s advice on this thread is also sound. The fact is, you are going to experience pain, so in the words of my teacher ‘just observe’ and you may wish to limit contact with the boy in question. And if you are in the habit of practicing metta bhavana, be sure to include yourself as an object of metta, karuna, mudita and upekkha.
Take care of yourself Craig, and please make use of the friendships here on this forum for your benefit and happiness.
“No lists of things to be done. The day providential to itself. The hour. There is no later. This is later. All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one's heart have a common provenance in pain. Their birth in grief and ashes.”
- Cormac McCarthy, The Road
Learn this from the waters:
in mountain clefts and chasms,
loud gush the streamlets,
but great rivers flow silently.
- Sutta Nipata 3.725Compassionate Hands Foundation
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