And while we're at Bateson and double binds: The general solution for double bind situations is to look at the context (or the context of the context etc.) for so long that one arrives at a situation that isn't a double bind and where one can act in a beneficial way.
This means, for example, that when you're stuck in a double bind drama with your narcissistic mother, where nothing you do or could do seems good enough to her, look at what the context of that situation is. For example, the context is that it's 4 PM and at 4.30 PM you have to pick your kid from soccer practice, and it takes you 20 minutes to get there, so you better get going.
It helps to create such contexts in advance -- in terms of time and tasks, such as having a schedule and a to-do list, but also in terms of relationships where in a calm hour, you actually sit down and think about the troublesome but inavoidable relationships in your life, and define what those relationships mean to you and set boundaries, and think in advance about how you could act wholesomely despite the drama an the double binds.
This may seem cold ... I think it's best to reserve understanding others for a few important relationships. Understanding others takes a lot of work and time, and one has to be prudent with how one uses those.