David N. Snyder wrote:Not saying that you have a 'grudge' against him, but this list might help:
The Five ways for getting rid of a grudge:
1. Cultivate loving-kindness toward the person.
2. Cultivate compassion toward the person.
3. Cultivate equanimity toward the person.
4. Or one could just pay no attention to him and give no thought to him.
5. Or one may remember that whatever he does, good or bad, he will be the heir to that.
(sorry, don't have the exact reference, but probably from the Anguttara Nikaya)
When the positive thoughts don't work, there is at least numbers 4 & 5 above.
Very good post!
What I find interesting is that the above is a set of 5 choices of endeavors to figure out for yourself and not 5 steps in a technique. If a person can do one, s/he doesn't need the other 4.
If somebody could do #4 or #5 completely, I don't think there would be the question to begin with. Are there specific techniques in the Canon for #4 and #5?
I haven't seen it in the Canon myself, but from what I have been taught by meditation teachers my guess would be that #3 would be achieved by being aware of the irritating person's behavior while not reacting to it. Until that effort bears fruit, not reacting to your observations of your reactions to the irritating person.
#1 is what I am most curious about. There are well defined techniques for envoking feelings of metta to a particular person. What I don't understand is how doing is different from burying your negative feelings about such a person under a metta rug?
Has anyone done metta toward a difficult person and gotten rid of their irritation completely or enough not have it spoil more of their day than the time they are with the person?