I read your post three times, with pauses inbetween. I'm not sure what you're saying.
What roadblocks?Everytime I revise my understanding about your position when you say things like the above, I make a move to support that direction. Or at least, what I assume to be the direction you are referring to. At which point, you list all your roadblocks and we go right back to the beginning.
I have some arguments against the pursuit of the Path, but those are not the same as roadblocks.
Usually, this is how it is done: an analysis of the pros and the cons, clarifying one's motivation, knowing one's Why. All these need to be resolved, settled, set before one can hope to do pretty much anything, whether it's change a bad habit or start a new career. This is the standard pattern when one is given advice on how to accomplish something.I'm not obtuse to your difficulties, but your attempts to settle them before making a pursuit of freedom is akin to making a deal with Self to "be quiet" while you seek the ultimate psychological balance.
I don't understand this.Your seeking ultimate freedom on grounds where the stakes are not as high as you assume.
That is probably the primary reason why you slap a palm to your forehead when I matter-of-factly support something totally alien after saying that you want nibbana. You assume I'm encouraging you to stop fighting and calm down.
No, I assume you're about to slap me in the face, or the virtual equivalent thereof.
On what grounds??I'm not. I'm encouraging you to fight on different grounds, but since you are so sure you know stakes where you stand, you can't ever imagine why I would disregard it.
I don't understand this.The only reason we could be indebted to the world is because we are indebted to ourselves.
How can we be indebted to ourselves?
So an acknowledging of the debt is an acknowledging of dependence, which is an acknowledging of one's existence. And it's the existence that is burdensome. It's existence that is burdensome, and via that, indebtedness is burdensome.The inclination to owe is nothing but the urge to to exist.
You mean like this:But you don't pay your way out by continuing to pay in. Homage and respect is orderly behavior as you essentially back out of the ultimate loan. You don't give it to lessen your debt. It's counterfeit. It's what you offer the bank so it doesn't realize you stopped paying.
So finally we have what I think was taught by the Buddha and probably by nobody else—the fourth stage, which is arana. Here we think: there are those two doors marked IN and OUT; it makes not the slightest difference to me which I use to go in and out by; but if it is noticed that I don’t seem to think it is a matter of any importance, those who do think it is a matter of importance will make trouble for me; but this would be a disturbance, and would hinder my work; so, then, other things being equal, I shall go in by the door marked IN, and out by the door marked OUT, and I shall pass unnoticed and untroubled. And so I think that the Buddha has so arranged matters in the Vinaya that the Sangha is a highly respectable body of men who are losing or have lost all interest in respectability. It is at the beginning that the respectability of the Sangha is irksome, and some who are still A.Y.M. do not join it on this account (which is a good thing), and prefer to breathe fire and slaughter at the Establishment as Hindu ascetics and other odd things.
And I am an angry (not so) young woman, or some other odd thing, breathing fire and slaughter at the Establishment ...
Nanavira says it's a good thing that the A.Y.M. don't join the Sangha. But what are they supposed to do?