Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

A discussion on all aspects of Theravāda Buddhism
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MrKoala
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Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by MrKoala »

Hi all,

I was born into a secular family and despite not belonging to any particular religion, I've always had a strong interest in the larger questions addressed by religion and other philosophical schools of thought, that would come and go at various times in my life. My interest is currently at its peak.

After spending many months researching and then rejecting the local religion of Christianity, I have been drawn to Buddhism.

Over the past few weeks, I've invested approximately 60 hours intently researching Buddhism. This is my first real exposure to the religion and I have been surprised to find that many of the teachings and ideals resonate with my own preconceived views.

I'm happily married with a young son that I adore. It is my first and foremost hope that Buddhism can guide me to becoming a better person for the benefit of my family and friends. Secondly for the benefit of myself and finally for the benefit of all others. I have no delusions about obtaining enlightenment in this incarnation.

I can see myself in the future as a lay Buddhist however I don't really know how to get started. I've read suggestions that finding a local Sangha is of most importance, although I'm not comfortable with regularly leaving my family to sit with a group of strangers that may or may not have the same beliefs and/or understanding that I have/wish to achieve.

Therefore, I'm currently devising a plan for myself as follows:

- Take the five precepts online on the Buddhist Society of Western Australia website. (For me, this means giving up alcohol, gambling and fishing for sport)
- Learn to meditate with the insighttimer app
- Watch darmha talks and guided meditation videos online
- Ask questions in forums like DW
- Read texts and articles online (such as the resources thread here)
- Read published books via Google play
- Visit a Buddhist retreat for a weekend once per year

I accept that this is a less than traditional path and my question to you is, are my path and motivation for becoming a Buddhist acceptable to you?
SarathW
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by SarathW »

Learn to meditate with the insighttimer app
Your plan is very impressive except the insighttimer.
It is not a bad idea for beginner but get rid of it ASAP.
Mindfulness is 24 hour job.
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
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DooDoot
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by DooDoot »

MrKoala wrote: Wed Nov 21, 2018 4:09 amI'm happily married with a young son that I adore.
There are also many teachings about family life in Buddhism. I will try to post some at a later time. (However, now to log off computer for the business day and go for walk and swim). :)
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/paticcasamuppada
https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/anapanasati
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AgarikaJ
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by AgarikaJ »

I think you have a good plan; now you will need to keep to it :-)

In nowadays time, where you have the knowledge of humanity at the click of a mouse, it is easy to research to your hearts delight. So within a short time, you will be able to evaluate, if Theravada Buddhism is indeed for you (as, from the philosophical outlook, it sees the possibility for a layperson go gain attainments as limited; some of the Mahayana schools see this differently).

Still, free resources abound:
- http://www.buddhanet.net/ebooks_s.htm
- https://www.abhayagiri.org/books/

If you are interested, which teachings Theravada has to offer specifically for the householder, you can not go wrong with reading this book, The Sigalovada: http://www.buddhanet.net/pdf_file/sigalovada.pdf

If listening is more for you, instead of reading, see here for an incredible number of Dhamma talks and guided meditations:
- https://www.audiodharma.org/
The teaching is a lake with shores of ethics, unclouded, praised by the fine to the good.
There the knowledgeable go to bathe, and cross to the far shore without getting wet.
[SN 7.21]
budo
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by budo »

My advice to you is that if it's not broken don't fix it. If you have a loving family with children and a wife, then there's really nothing more one can ask for.

Religions in general are something to be wary of, so I would say critical thinking and the scientific method should come first. Bringing religion into your family can make things worse, not better. Even the atheistic pragmatic Buddhism (pragmatic dharma) is equally bad because many of these organizations are trying to profit off the Dhamma charging extremely high amounts for consultations like $300 an hour. Be wary of this stuff!

I'm saying this warning so you have the perspective of less is better than more, like a sculptor who removes clay, doesn't add clay. In my opinion, most of Buddhist traditions and religions are going against what the Buddha taught and are very ritual and merit based.

I would take the barebones of Buddhism which is common in most Buddhist traditions, and leave everything else aside. What are the barebones?

- Right virtue (Not being a bad person)
- Right lifestyle (Not over-induldging, and not leading to bad virtue, having a minimalist view when it comes to materialism, enjoying nature)
- Metta and Brahma viharas (developing a good attitude towards yourself and others)
- Meditation and mindfulness (developing the mind)

If you read original Stoicism as written by Epictectus, it's extremely similar to Buddhism minus the meditation aspect! And Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (Gregorary Hayes translation is best) is basically the Emperor of Rome becoming a better person by using journalling to reflect on his virtues and contemplating nature (impermanence, suffering, no-self, etc..). They use "Logos" (logic) instead of God/Karma.

I would also recommend reading the suttas, the 5 nikayas and chinese agamas.

Basically, Early Buddhism + Early Stoicism + Meditation is enough to make you and your family great people without the need for rituals and other negatives of religion.

Cheers
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seeker242
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by seeker242 »

There is definitely a wrong way to become Buddhist but none of your reasons qualify for that. :)
although I'm not comfortable with regularly leaving my family to sit with a group of strangers that may or may not have the same beliefs and/or understanding that I have/wish to achieve.
FWIW, people in sitting groups generally aren't concerned with what the other people believe, don't believe, understand or don't understand. If you are concerned about people judging you for not being "Buddhist enough", or something like that, that very rarely happens. Many places, it never happens. :)
are my path and motivation for becoming a Buddhist acceptable to you?
It's perfectly fine! Although, I would 2nd the idea to not become too reliant on meditation apps. Guided meditation is ok to start but Buddhist style meditation doesn't rely on phones, computers, etc.

:meditate:
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Zom
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by Zom »

- Take the five precepts online on the Buddhist Society of Western Australia website. (For me, this means giving up alcohol, gambling and fishing for sport)
- Learn to meditate with the insighttimer app
- Watch darmha talks and guided meditation videos online
- Ask questions in forums like DW
- Read texts and articles online (such as the resources thread here)
- Read published books via Google play
- Visit a Buddhist retreat for a weekend once per year
First of all - don't bother with all that retreats and meditation stuff - this is a wrong place to start with. Some familiarity with the subject is okay, but pressing hard there is a mistake. What you should really do, is to read as many "words of Buddha" as you can, that is, theory. This is the normal and right approach literally to everything in life. Buddhist path is gradual, and one should know what comes first, what comes next, and what comes still later. Canonical texts (suttas) have such information, but there are thousands of them and they are not systematized in gradual way, overall collection can be called "chaotic". So, it will take quite a while to get a full picture. Several years at least 8-) Pay special attention to discourses that deal with "househould life", or those talks directed to laypeople. Again, hundreds of such suttas. Thus you will see what teachings Buddha gave to lay people.
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retrofuturist
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by retrofuturist »

Greetings,

I would echo Zom's recommendation about reading the suttas. This way you will know what the Buddha actually taught and by having a firm grounding in his teaching you will not be led astray by other things carrying the "Buddhist" banner, or by well-meaning, but misled individuals.

Also, you can do it at home!

If you wish to discuss any sutta readings here with others, for perspectives on what you've read, by all means please do!

:reading: :thumbsup:

Metta,
Paul. :)
"Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
paul
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by paul »

The impetus that has been driving you is kamma vipaka maturing, as it has selectively positionied you in Theravada, but now you will have to come to terms with Theravada in this life, and the battle begins anew. Ajahn Brahm is a populist and doesn’t teach from a doctrinal view, and so practitioners become followers rather than establishing an independent practice. He teaches jhana, which is only half of the practice, the other half is insight. The availability of Dhamma resources on the internet means they are better off relying mainly on that source to get a balanced view, and to maintain autonomy. Bikkhu Bodhi’s “Noble Eightfold Path” for example speaks from the doctrinal standpoint.
Last edited by paul on Wed Nov 21, 2018 10:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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cappuccino
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by cappuccino »

the wrong way is an hour once or twice a day


the right way is you're never bored
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manas
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by manas »

Hi MrKoala,
the website 'Access to Insight' is full of useful information for beginners and more advanced alike: https://www.accesstoinsight.org/

Be patient with yourself. Seeing more clearly takes time for most. In my case, it's taken many years; I only just recently realized that yes, I believe what the Buddha taught is true, that things are as He taught them to be. Whatever effort you can muster, to practice the Buddha-Dhamma, is worth it. It's well worth the effort. I've struggled and suffered to even get this far, but all the struggles, tears etc I now recall with fondness, because to even begin to see more clearly, is worth however much effort and persistence one can muster.

Peace to you and your family. :anjali:

NB: as I hope is clear, I did not say I was a stream-entrant, I only said I have faith / conviction, not that I 'see and know beyond any doubt' - just to clarify.
To the Buddha-refuge i go; to the Dhamma-refuge i go; to the Sangha-refuge i go.
SarathW
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by SarathW »

manas wrote: Wed Nov 21, 2018 10:51 pm Hi MrKoala,
the website 'Access to Insight' is full of useful information for beginners and more advanced alike: https://www.accesstoinsight.org/

Be patient with yourself. Seeing more clearly takes time for most. In my case, it's taken many years; I only just recently realized that yes, I believe what the Buddha taught is true, that things are as He taught them to be. Whatever effort you can muster, to practice the Buddha-Dhamma, is worth it. It's well worth the effort. I've struggled and suffered to even get this far, but all the struggles, tears etc I now recall with fondness, because to even begin to see more clearly, is worth however much effort and persistence one can muster.

Peace to you and your family. :anjali:

NB: as I hope is clear, I did not say I was a stream-entrant, I only said I have faith / conviction, not that I 'see and know beyond any doubt' - just to clarify.
:goodpost: Great to see you back in the forum.
“As the lamp consumes oil, the path realises Nibbana”
justindesilva
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by justindesilva »

MrKoala wrote: Wed Nov 21, 2018 4:09 am Hi all,

I was born into a secular family and despite not belonging to any particular religion, I've always had a strong interest in the larger questions addressed by religion and other philosophical schools of thought, that would come and go at various times in my life. My interest is currently at its peak.

After spending many months researching and then rejecting the local religion of Christianity, I have been drawn to Buddhism.

Over the past few weeks, I've invested approximately 60 hours intently researching Buddhism. This is my first real exposure to the religion and I have been surprised to find that many of the teachings and ideals resonate with my own preconceived views.

I'm happily married with a young son that I adore. It is my first and foremost hope that Buddhism can guide me to becoming a better person for the benefit of my family and friends. Secondly for the benefit of myself and finally for the benefit of all others. I have no delusions about obtaining enlightenment in this incarnation.

I can see myself in the future as a lay Buddhist however I don't really know how to get started. I've read suggestions that finding a local Sangha is of most importance, although I'm not comfortable with regularly leaving my family to sit with a group of strangers that may or may not have the same beliefs and/or understanding that I have/wish to achieve.

Therefore, I'm currently devising a plan for myself as follows:

- Take the five precepts online on the Buddhist Society of Western Australia website. (For me, this means giving up alcohol, gambling and fishing for sport)
- Learn to meditate with the insighttimer app
- Watch darmha talks and guided meditation videos online
- Ask questions in forums like DW
- Read texts and articles online (such as the resources thread here)
- Read published books via Google play
- Visit a Buddhist retreat for a weekend once per year

I accept that this is a less than traditional path and my question to you is, are my path and motivation for becoming a Buddhist acceptable to you?
A good move in life. At first the only way to be a buddhist is at first to follow the five precepts. If we go on reasoning it is not difficult.
May I request you to download the book by Rev Narada thero of name " A nutshell of Buddhism"" and we can learn the basics of buddhism from it.
Good luck.
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DooDoot
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by DooDoot »

MrKoala wrote: Wed Nov 21, 2018 4:09 am It is my first and foremost hope that Buddhism can guide me to becoming a better person for the benefit of my family and friends.
This link has many teachings for the lay person, with sutta references: A constitution for living : Buddhist principles for a fruitful and harmonious life

For example, sutta reference A.II.60 equates to the numbering down the centre of page of this link: Anguttara Nikaya Sutta Central
Attachments
AN numbering.png
There is always an official executioner. If you try to take his place, It is like trying to be a master carpenter and cutting wood. If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, you will only hurt your hand.

https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/paticcasamuppada
https://soundcloud.com/doodoot/anapanasati
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MrKoala
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Re: Is there a wrong way to becoming a Buddhist?

Post by MrKoala »

Thank you all for your kind replies.
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